Illusion of Truth
by Noda2
Summary: While on a mission, Sam is implanted with false memories of a life with Jack.  S/J


_**Illusion Of Truth Part 1**_

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters andplaces are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp andDouble Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction wascreated for entertainment not monetary purposes and noinfringement on copyrights or trademarks was unrecognized characters and places, and thisstory, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity toreal persons, living or dead, is coincidental and notintended by the author.

Author's Notes: I wish to thank my beta readers for their inspiration and helpful comments, but any mistakes are mine alone. In no particular order: Gina, Karen, Jo, Michelle, Sally and Sheena. Thank you all so much for sticking with this!

Copyright July 2001 by Noda

**-2010 Story Notes-: **This is an old story that I've finally gotten around to posting here.

*Illusion of Truth*

~1~

Samantha Carter stood at the patio door, overlooking a balcony fronting the ocean. It was a gorgeous day-bright sunshine reflecting off the low surf-but she didn't remember it being sunny. Or that there was an ocean for that matter. The last thing she could recall was staff weapons firing on her at dusk on a planet in the midst of a torrential downpour. She remembered sliding in the mud, frantically scrabbling for purchase on a steep incline as she searched for signs of Colonel O'Neill and the rest of her team. Off to her left there had been gunfire, and she remembered hearing O'Neill calling out her name in warning as she popped her head up for a better look at the situation, then nothing, until she was standing there, staring out at the vista before her.

Sam was surprised to look down and find herself clad in only a large, white bath towel. She _*definitely*_ had more than that on last time she checked. Panic was starting to set in when she felt a strong arm circle her waist, pulling her back against a hard male body. A body that didn't seem to think it was presumptuous to nuzzle her neck and place a light kiss just behind her ear.

"I missed you," he said, pulling her closer. "Why didn't you wake me, we could have shared the shower."

Sam froze in shock. "S. . .Sir?" she questioned, almost afraid to turn her head to confirm what she already knew. She'd know that voice anywhere.

"Sir?" he questioned, pulling back slightly, almost, but not quite releasing her. "Oh, I get it, you want to play 'major and colonel' again." Sam could tell from the tone of his voice he was smiling as he drew her near once more. "Come here," he growled. "That's an order, Major."

"Sir!" she practically squealed as she jumped from his arms, clutching the towel tighter to her body.

"Sam? Are you feeling all right? I have to admit you felt all right last night," he grinned, wagging his eyebrows at her. Normally the gesture would have at least provoked a smile, but she couldn't do anything but gape at him. Not only was she stunned at his unprofessional behavior, she didn't understand how she came to be in a room alone with him, wearing just a towel and he only in a pair of boxers.

Sam stood blinking at him, totally at a loss for words. Jack started to take a step closer, but she held out her hand in a meager show of defense. "Don't come any closer."

"Sam? What's wrong?" Jack asked, concern clearly etched on his face. "Did you slip in the shower? Hit your head or something?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, backing away until she made contact with the wall. "The last thing I remember was being pinned down by a bunch of Jaffa on P2X-993. You called out my name, and the next thing I know I'm here, dressed-if you can call it that-in a towel. What the _*hell*_ is going on, Sir?"

"Sam," Jack said, slowly advancing on her, "I don't know what brought this on, but Janet kept saying it was a possibility."

Sam shook her head. "What? What are you talking about?"

"It's most likely a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, although, since it's been two years I thought. . ."

_"*Two years?*"_ Sam was shaking her head back in forth as she tried to digest what Jack had just told her. "No, no, nonono, no! That's not possible! I can see losing a day, maybe a week, but two years? I can't believe it! I won't believe it!"

Jack moved a little closer, causing her to shuffle along the wall to keep some distance between them. "Sam, you didn't lose two years! Everything's been fine until now! Like I said, I thought you'd aced this, put it behind you!"

"Then why can't I remember anything after the mission to P2X-993 or even going back through the 'gate?"

Jack froze where he stood. "Nothing? You don't remember anything?" The look on his face caused Sam to suddenly forget her own confusion, replacing it with sympathy for the pained expression he now wore.

Sam felt her throat constrict. "I'm sorry, but I don't." Jack turned away from her, trying to hide how her revelation was affecting him. "Sir? Are _*you*_ all right?"

It took a moment, but Jack cleared his throat and softly replied, "Yeah. Great." Slowly, he turned to look back at her. "It's just a little unsettling having all these memories of the last two years with you and you don't. Kinda makes me feel like they didn't happen."

"Last two years with _*me?*"_

"Well, yeah, we started seriously seeing each other when my knee was permanently wrecked on '993." Sam's surprise must have been evident when he continued with, "I don't suppose you remember that, either."

"I'm sorry, sir, I don't." Sam could feel her cheeks warming at the implication. He wasn't in the Air Force any longer? He wasn't her CO?

"Do ya think you could at least call me 'Jack?' This is hard enough without that reminder."

Sam nodded, then tore her gaze from his, looking down at her barely covered body. "I should get dressed."

"Probably a good idea. Under the circumstances," he added.

"Um, Jack? Any idea where I might have put my clothes?"

He crossed to the dresser, pulling a pair of jeans and a T-shirt as well as underwear from a bag she didn't recognize. Jack didn't seem uncomfortable handling her more intimate apparel, but Sam felt her face flush once more as he handed her the items.

Heading for the bathroom, Sam turned to Jack with a question that had burned in her mind since she'd "woke up."

"Jack? Where are we?"

"Maui, why?"

"I was just wondering what we were doing here," she said.

The hurt look returned to his face. "It's our honeymoon."

Sam felt herself gasp, just before the room tilted and she collapsed to the floor.

~2~

Eros looked down at the woman lying on the table. She was resisting the programming and he was growing impatient. Looking to his lover and companion, Psyche, he watched as she fine-tuned the device attached to the woman's temple. It was a reconfigured memory recall implant they'd received in trade from a Tok'ra, altered to create images rather than remember them.

"Why isn't this working? You told me the Tau'ri were particularly susceptible to this type of mind control."

Psyche sighed, pulling her long, dark hair back over her shoulders. "Normally, they are, but now I'm sensing the presence of naquada in her system. Not a lot, but enough to throw off my calculations."

"She was a host?" Eros asked, his voice sounding skeptical as he turned her head to the side, searching the back of her neck for an entry scar.

"That would be my guess," Psyche confirmed.

"There is no outward evidence," he said, turning the woman's head back to its original position.

"Perhaps the Tok'ra?" she ventured. Eros shrugged. He really didn't care how it was the woman came to have naquada in her body, only that it could be compensated for.

"You've made allowances?"

"Yes. I've recalibrated the implant to counter-act the effects of the mineral, but I can't change what we've already implanted."

"I don't understand," Eros said. "All you need to do is get her to remember the codes to their Stargate shield and what type of defenses Earth has. Why is this deception necessary?"

Psyche slid her hand seductively up the well-muscled chest of her associate, moving to twine her fingers in his blonde, slightly curled locks. "Are you not the God of Love, my Lord? Surely you know better than anyone a person will do anything for love. Even betray alliances they've sworn to. Samantha will give us the information we require; it will only take a bit longer than I'd originally anticipated."

Eros' eyes flashed as he felt the heat she always ignited within his body. Yes, he did know better than anyone, people-even gods- would do anything for love, after all, he could deny Psyche nothing.

"Very well. Continue. But if you do not have results soon, I will be forced to use more 'aggressive' methods."

"You shall have your answers, my Lord, and then you shall have Apophis where he belongs-kneeling at your feet."

Eros ran a hand through her silky, dark hair, pulling her closer to capture her mouth. The kiss only served to further inflame his passion for her, but he knew now was not the time to be distracted. There was too much at stake.

Psyche watched Eros retreat from the chamber where the Tau'ri woman was being held. She knew he was eager for results, but he didn't understand the delicate balance she had to maintain for Samantha to embrace the memories she'd given her. It never occurred to her to check for naquada in this warrior woman of the Tau'ri. When a Goa'uld left a host, they took everything they could, including the host's life. But for some reason, this woman had survived an unblending. If Psyche didn't have to concentrate so on the thoughts she was implanting, perhaps she would have looked for recollections of Samantha's symbiote, if for no other reason than to satisfy her curiosity.

Eros had wanted to use the ribbon device to extract the information he needed from the woman, but Psyche convinced him it would be better to have Samantha give up her secrets willingly, and to do that, she had to reach her on a level torture could not.

While scanning Samantha's memories, several men kept showing up. An older man Psyche realized was her father. Another older man who seemed to be her superior where she worked within Earth's secret fortress. The Jaffa she had spotted when Eros' forces overtook the Tau'ri. A younger man; a colleague and friend. A slightly older man, again in the position of authority, but one Samantha seemed to think of more than the rest. He was the one to get the woman to give up her secrets.

Unfortunately, the unexpected naquada caused Samantha to have a memory loss within her own false memories. Psyche thought about cleansing her mind of the initial implant, but she'd already invested too much time in the illusion to start over. Besides, she wasn't sure it could be completely cleansed. It would only serve to cause Samantha further doubts about what was real, and she was suspicious enough as it was. No, it was best to continue on, and let this "Jack" persuade her what Psyche had implanted was the truth. Once Samantha was convinced Jack could be trusted, she'd share with him what Eros needed to know.

~3~

Sam's eyelids fluttered open to a darkened room. She could see it was still daylight, but the curtains had been drawn and she was covered with a light blanket. Shifting, Sam realized she still wasn't dressed, but remained wrapped in the towel. Putting a hand to her forehead, she discovered a cool cloth had been placed across her brow.

Letting out a low moan, Sam alerted Jack she'd regained consciousness. He was instantly at her side, smoothing damp hair from her forehead.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

Sam thought a moment about her response then said, "like the bottom just dropped out of my world."

"Oh," he said, moving away, but before he could stand, Sam stopped him by placing her hand on his arm.

"Si. . .Jack, it's nothing personal, but it's just a lot to take in, you know?"

He nodded his understanding. "Yeah, I guess it would be. If someone told me I was married and had no recollection of it, it'd knock me for a loop, too." They shared an uncomfortable silence, then he turned to her. "I called Janet."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, she said she was sorry, but it wasn't totally unexpected. We were all just hoping something like this wouldn't happen."

"We?"

"You know, Janet, Daniel, Teal'c, Hammond your dad. . . ."

"Right."

"And me of course," he added. Sam's gaze slid away from his again, focusing on a patch of sunlight showing through a gap in the drapes.

"You said PTSD," she swallowed. "What happened?"

Jack picked up her hand, loosely winding his fingers with hers. "You died," he said simply.

Sam's head snapped up. "I WHAT?"

"Janet said technically, you were dead for over five minutes. She was worried you'd suffer brain damage, but somehow you were fine."

"I don't know what your definition of 'fine' is, but waking up in a strange room, with you telling me we're mar. . .married, and two years of my life are gone, isn't it!" Sam threw back the blanket, intent on rising from the bed, but Jack held her in place.

"You need to rest!" he insisted, pushing her back down onto the mattress.

"What I need are some answers!" Sam cried, struggling against his hands. Sighing, Jack let her up, watching as she crossed to the clothes she'd dropped when she'd fainted. "I'm going to get dressed and then you're going to tell me everything!"

Shutting the door to the bathroom, Sam leaned back against its solid surface. Her mind was reeling. Married? To Jack? And she'd _*died?*_ Funny how that seemed a secondary concern to finding out she and Jack were newlyweds.

She ran her hands through her hair. It was slightly longer, but still an acceptable length for Air Force officers. So, did that mean she was still at the SGC? Jack must have retired if they were together. Now that she thought about it, he did seem to have more of a pronounced limp. He'd mentioned his knee getting wrecked on '993, had that been the end of his career? So many questions were swirling in her mind she felt herself growing dizzy again. Clutching the edge of the sink, Sam steadied herself until the wave of vertigo passed. She looked up into the mirror, noting her face was deathly pale. No wonder Jack was worried about her-she looked like hell.

Jack. It certainly didn't take her long to accept calling him by his name rather than "sir" or "colonel." Shouldn't it feel odder than this to be so familiar with him? Could he be right and they _*had*_ spent the last two years together and she just couldn't recall it?

"Sam? You okay?"

Sam was startled out of her thoughts by the sound of Jack's voice. "Uh, yeah. I'm just about done," she called out. Dropping the towel, she noticed her stomach was slightly more rounded than she remembered. _*Guess I haven't been working out as much as I should,*_ she thought to herself as she pulled on her jeans. The fit wasn't snug, which surprised her. If she'd put on a few pounds she'd expected them to be tight. It wasn't like her to buy a size larger. If she noticed she'd been hitting the dessert table too much, she made an effort to rid herself of the extra weight, not compensate by purchasing larger clothes. The T-shirt too, was looser than she usually wore. It wasn't a bad fit, just. . .different.

Two toothbrushes lay on the side of the sink. Which was hers? She couldn't tell by looking at them, so she chose the one closest to her. If she was wrong, it wouldn't be the end of the world. After all, Jack claimed they were married, so they'd obviously shared more than just a toothbrush.

Sam found herself growing embarrassed once more. How odd to think he could remember making love with her, and she couldn't recall the same intimacy. It made this whole situation even more surreal.

One subject she hadn't let her mind touch on was if he could be right about the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. She'd been through a lot of tough missions and had never suffered any long-term ill effects, even when she'd died on the Nox home world. Sam suppressed a shudder. Had she really been clinically dead for over five minutes? She could see how something like that could come back to haunt you. But Jack said it had been two years since the event. Had she shown any other symptoms before this?

She wasn't getting any answers hiding out in the bathroom. Sam didn't know if she could take Jack at his word or not, but what would be the point in lying to her about something like this?

Stepping from the bathroom, Sam watched Jack stand from where he sat perched on the edge of the bed, a weak smile on his face.

"You don't look quite so pale," he ventured as he closed the distance between them.

"I hate to think what I looked like before," Sam said with a slight grin, hoping to ease some of his worry by keeping things light. It seemed to have the desired effect as his smile grew larger. "So. . .," Sam said, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jeans. "I died, huh?"

Jack's smile slipped and he looked away. "Not exactly the high point of my life."

"Mine either," she joked, getting him to look up at her.

"Hey, I'm the one with the bad jokes, remember?"

This time it was Sam's smile that melted away. "Yeah, that much I do."

"I guess there's no getting around this conversation," Jack sighed. "How about we go down to the beach? I'm starting to feel a little claustrophobic."

Sam nodded; it was a good idea. The confines of the room made everything seem even more personal. A little space would be welcome change. Heading for the door, Jack stopped her, handing her a pair of sunglasses.

"Here. I don't know how you always manage to forget these when the sun bothers your eyes so much."

Sam accepted the glasses, wondering how he knew this about her. Had she mentioned it on a mission, or had he paid more attention to her than she thought?

Noting her confused look, Jack said, "you told me the day we took Cassie to the fair. I accidentally broke your glasses, and you practically had me drawn and quartered."

"I did? I can't believe I would have gotten so upset over a pair of sunglasses."

"They were the first pair you were issued when you started flying. I guess they had a lot of sentimental value."

Sam looked at the pair of glasses in her hand. They weren't cheap. Apparently he'd done everything he could to rectify the situation. She didn't know what surprised her more-that she'd gone ballistic over something as trivial as sunglasses or that he knew the story behind them. It might have been something that would have come up during a mission, but she doubted it.

"Shall we go, Mrs.. . .Sam?" Jack looked almost sheepish at his slip. "Sorry, I guess I was getting used to calling you that."

Sam looked away briefly then back in his direction. "So, am I just 'O'Neill' or 'Carter-O'Neill?'"

"You like the hyphen. Personally, I think it's because your initials are C.O." Sam grinned at his teasing. At least some things hadn't changed.

Both were silent as they walked down to the shoreline, unsure where to begin. Sam took off her shoes, and Jack agreed it was a good idea, and they left both pairs on the sand. Walking in the surf, Sam finally broached the subject they'd been avoiding.

"So, how'd I die?"

Jack reached over, trying to take her hand, but when Sam started at the contact, he opted for placing his hands in his pockets. "Kind of a long story, but I'll try to pare it down for you. You say you remember being under fire on P2X-993?"

"Yeah, it was raining so hard I was having trouble maintaining a position. I was on this steep incline and I kept slipping down the hill. I didn't know what had happened to you or Daniel and Teal'c, so I was just trying to stay low until I found you. Then I heard gun fire off to my left, so I knew it had to be either you or Daniel. I remember peeking around the rock I was hiding behind, hearing you call out my name, and that's it. I woke up here."

"Well, that's part of the story," he admitted. "Ya kinda left out a big chunk, though."

"Like the last two years," she supplied. "So tell me. What happened?"

Jack looked out over the ocean, shoulders slumped as he recalled the events. "I yelled at you, but it was to get down. Either you didn't hear me, or ignored my order, because you were hit with a zat blast. At first I was more concerned about keeping those guys busy so they couldn't shoot you again, but Teal'c managed to get my attention, letting me know you hadn't moved.

"While I was trying to get to you, I was shot in the knee, even though Daniel and Teal'c did their best to cover me. Somehow, I made my way to where you'd fallen, only to discover you weren't breathing and didn't have a pulse. Needless to say, I started to panic. I didn't even realize how bad my knee was at that point. I knew, zat blasts hurt like hell and left a person weak, but I'd never seen anyone go into cardiac arrest over one. I started to do CPR, and after a few minutes you started to come around. I knew I had to get you back to Fraiser ASAP, but the Jaffa still had us at a disadvantage. The biggest cluster of warriors was close-close enough for Teal'c to toss a grenade at them, but I couldn't get his attention with the noise and smoke from the staff weapons. Finally, Daniel looked in my direction and I started miming pulling the pin from a grenade and tossing it. I swear to God he's clueless sometimes! I don't know how many times I made the motion before he got what I was trying to tell him."

"You can't really blame him," Sam said, defending her friend. "He's only had the basics when in comes to any kind of combat training. And if it was as smoky as you said, he maybe he didn't see what you were doing."

"Well, it all worked out in the end as he finally got the message, relayed it to Teal'c and they blew those Jaffa to Hell. I still didn't think we were going make it back because I could barely stand and I didn't have the code to the. . .iris."

Sam looked up, wondering why it was he'd stumbled over the word 'iris.' It was almost as if he was going to call it something else and then changed his mind at the last minute. Even stranger was the fact he claimed not to know the code. He knew it, same as everyone on the team did. He might not have had a GDO, but there would have been one strapped to her arm. He must have used it to get them home, so someone had to input the code.

"Daniel must have sent the code," she speculated.

"Yeah, he did, that's how we got you back to Earth." There was still something off about the way he described their return through the Stargate. Perhaps it was just the pain of remembering his injury and her being hurt, she thought.

"So, if I was breathing when I made it though the 'gate, when did I die?"

"In the infirmary. Janet was hooking you up to all that equipment when you flat-lined. She tried those paddle-thingies, but she said for some reason it was making it worse-that you still had some kind of residual charge in your body and the electricity she used only increased what was already there."

"That doesn't make any sense," Sam protested. "The human body isn't like a battery that it can hold a charge!"

"Hey, I don't know about stuff like that! Maybe it's that naquada in you, how should I know? All I _*do*_ know is Janet's efforts seemed to be making things worse, and she didn't know what else to try. She stuck a big honkin' needle in your heart, but that didn't do any good either. I was lying on a gurney watching the whole thing. Let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. It was going on five minutes and she was stumped. She tried CPR again, but it still wasn't working. She was barely holding it together when she stopped doing chest compressions, unwilling to admit she'd actually lost you. We were all in shock, just staring at your lifeless body, when Janet started to call the time of death. Suddenly you gasped for breath, and the monitors started beeping. To this day Janet doesn't know how it happened, but I think she goes to church more than she used to," he grinned.

"So, she never came up with an explanation as to how I recovered?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "Just one of those things, I guess." He stopped, his hand reaching out to turn her toward him. "You've always been a miracle, Sam. Now I just have proof."

Sam felt her throat tighten as she looked into his eyes. Jack O'Neill had never been one for sappy sentiments. _*Something*_ had to have happened between them for him to be so forthright revealing his emotions. She started to grope for a response, but before she could answer, he started walking again, picking up his narrative once more.

"I was in the infirmary recuperating from my knee surgery, and you were there for observation, so, we had a lot of time to talk. Finally settled all the business about what happened with Freya and that zanax detector." He was smiling, and she knew it was from his intentional mis-use of the word 'zanax.' He'd always done that, often just to get a rise out of her.

"We'd grown closer spending so much time in Doc Fraiser's little bed and breakfast, so even when you were released for light duty, you visited as often as you could. I was in re-hab, but I knew there was no way I was going out in the field again."

"That must have been so hard for you," she said, genuine sympathy radiating from her.

Jack released a sigh and looked out at the water again. "Yeah, but not nearly as tough as it could have been." He looked back at her and elaborated. "I had a few other things to keep me occupied."

Sam looked down, scuffing the sand with her bare toes. "You seem to be getting along all right now," she said, nodding at his right leg. It was stiffer than his left, but he was having no trouble keeping up with her.

"I'm okay to walk-in fact Doc insists on it-but I know there's no way I could keep up with team in the field, much less lead one. Besides, it's kind of a trade-off."

"Trade-off?"

"Yeah, I lost SG-1, but I found you." His words were making her feel uncomfortable again, and she found herself being honest with him.

"This is really awkward for me," she confessed. "You say all these things, make these personal statements, but I don't remember any of this. It makes me feel a little uneasy, if you know what I mean."

Jack stopped, picked up a stone and tossed it out into the ocean. "Sorry. It's just that yesterday was one of the happiest days of my life, and now it's all been ripped away. I keep waiting to wake up."

"How do you think I feel?" Sam asked gently, throwing a rock of her own into the surf. "You tell me we had this life together and I have to take it on blind faith. If you recall, I'm not too big in that department."

Jack smiled at her, and from the way he was looking at her, Sam knew he wanted to kiss her. How many times had she dreamed of seeing that expression on his face? He would be more than willing to satisfy her wish, but there was no sense in deluding each other that she remembered being his wife.

Breaking the spell that had settled over them, Sam asked, "you say this is some form of PTSD, why now after two years?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "That's what I asked Janet, but she doesn't have an explanation, any more than she did why you suddenly recovered. She was expecting you to have some type of reaction when this happened-nightmares, phobias-something, but you never showed any signs it had affected you. She said short-term amnesia might be a possibility, that maybe you'd block out the events on '993. After a year went by, we were all pretty confident you weren't going to suffer any side effects. Frankly, I'd forgotten about it. At least until this morning."

"You have no idea how weird this feels. It's not like I _*am*_ upset about what you told me. I mean it's pretty miraculous I _*did*_ recover, but I don't feel any differently than I would about any mission where I'd been hurt. I should have had trouble dealing with it before this. I just don't know what could have set it off."

"Janet thinks maybe we had a little too much fun on our honeymoon," he teased.

"Well, Jack, pardon me for being crude, but I hardly think you screwed my brains out!"

Jack raised his eyebrows in mock indignation. "Sam! I can't believe you said that!"

Sam felt her cheeks coloring. "Actually, neither can I," she mumbled, turning away from him.

"Hey," he said, pulling her around to face him again. "I only meant a few years ago you wouldn't have said something like that. Maybe this is a good sign."

"Oh yeah, being vulgar is a real improvement!"

"How about step in the right direction?" he offered. "Two years ago you wouldn't have felt comfortable enough with me to be so blunt."

"Okay, I'll accept that," she said, still wondering where the statement had come from in the first place. Suddenly changing topics, she asked, "So, now what? What happens if I stay this way?"

Jack was silent, obviously mulling over the implications if she didn't remember their life together. Reaching down, he scooped up a handful of loose sand, allowing it to run through his fingers. "I guess we'll just have to do it all over again."

"Do what all over again?"

Looking up, Jack's eyes met Sam's. "Fall in love."

Sam was speechless. It was so unlike the Jack she knew to be so open, so honest about his feelings for her, that she wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Spending two years together had probably meant they'd broken down a lot of barriers, both on her part and his. The last thing she could recall about her relationship with Jack was he was her CO and they were struggling with an attraction to each other. An attraction they both knew couldn't be acted on under their current circumstances.

But now he was telling her those circumstances had changed and they'd stopped denying their feelings. It seemed almost like a fantasy come true. So much so, Sam was having trouble believing it was real. Could getting together really have been as easy as he made it sound?

Walking ahead of him, Sam turned her head slightly so he could catch her words. "You make it appear so simple. That you were discharged and we ended up together."

"Well, simple isn't the word I'd use to describe it," he laughed, catching up with her. "Even though it wasn't against the rules any longer, we both had trouble accepting what we felt for each other. Maybe the regs had been ingrained in us too long, who knows."

Sam nodded. She could see she would have held back in getting to know Jack outside the SGC. For one thing, she wouldn't have wanted to substantiate the rumors she had a thing for her CO There was enough speculation on that. No, it would have taken time for her to let down her guard enough for him to completely move into her heart. Even now, with as attracted to him as she was, she couldn't imagine being his lover. And yet his actions proved they'd been intimate for some time.

"Do I still work at the SGC? Am I still on SG-1?" she asked.

"Yeah, you're at the SGC, but you're on a leave from SG-1 with the baby and all." Jack's eyes popped open, as if he realized he'd just dropped another bombshell on her.

"Ba. . .baby?" Sam's hands automatically went to her stomach, feeling the slight rounding again. She was _*pregnant?*_

"Oh, God, Sam! I didn't mean to tell you this way! I just keep forgetting there's so much you don't remember!" Jack tried to pull her into his arms but she backed even further out of his reach.

"Stay away from me!" she cried. "Just stay the hell away from me!"

"Sam? Honey, come on! Look, just give me a minute to explain!"

"Explain? I don't think this needs any explaining! I have a pretty good idea where babies come from!"

"Sam! It's not like it was a mistake or anything! We wanted this baby!"

Sam held the palms of her hands to her ears, trying to block the sound of his voice. God! This could _*not*_ be happening! Continuing to retreat from him, Sam warned him, "please, Jack! I need some time to digest all of this!"

"Sam. . . ." he pleaded.

"I just need to be alone!" she yelled as she began running down the beach. Fortunately, Jack hadn't followed her. She was garnering stares from the other people walking on the beach, but no one approached her. Finally, when she couldn't take another step, she sank to the sand, pulling her knees to her chest. She noticed she couldn't pull them quite as close as she once had, and started crying all the harder.

It was difficult enough to believe she was in a relationship with Jack, but married and expecting his child? How much more could she take? _*Was*_ there any more to take? And why was she so upset? Hadn't this always been one of her secret fantasies? However, day dreaming about it and being told it was true were two different things.

Burying her face in her hands, Sam tried to remember anything from their past together. Shouldn't she remember something? Even if it were just a moment? A scene of them together? A flash of a memory of them making love? How was it possible to have her mind essentially wiped overnight? If this was some form of PTSD as Jack told her, what set it off? And if was related to her "death" why didn't the thought of her having died bother her more? It was almost as if the thought of her and Jack being together was more traumatic than dying. Could that be what set her off? Marrying him? Looking down at her stomach, it was obvious they'd been together before their marriage, so if her amnesia was a result of guilt over their relationship, wouldn't this have happened before now? God, she was so confused!

~4~

Psyche shook her head as she watched Samantha's thoughts playing themselves out on the screen. She was being particularly resistant to the mind control device, fighting her with every step. Perhaps it was her own fault as well. Psyche had been anxious for results and it was possible she pushed Samantha too far too soon. She'd thought by introducing the idea of a child with O'Neill, Samantha would feel more of a connection to him, trust him more readily. She knew of the woman's desire for the man, why was she resisting the idea so?

Psyche had almost destroyed everything when Jack didn't instantly know the word for the Tau'ri's Stargate shield, or that he should have known the codes without having to ask her. It had caused doubt in Samantha's mind which would take even longer to undo. Psyche was going to have to be more clever if Samantha was to reveal the information she needed to Jack.

If only it was just a matter of reading Samantha's thoughts, but it wasn't that simple. Psyche could make the suggestion, but Samantha's mind needed someone to interact with to bring forth those thoughts. If only the naquada hadn't fouled her initial attempt. No doubt she would have had the key to the Tau'ri defenses by now and Eros would be rewarding her. Psyche grew warm just thinking of how he would bestow his favor on her. He had chosen his host well, and the mere sight of him was enough to make her knees weak. She needed no more incentive to finish her task at hand.

~5~

Sam felt a blanket drape around her shoulders and she looked up to see Jack's worried face illuminated in the moonlight reflecting off the water.

"How're ya doing?" he asked, keeping his distance.

"Better," she said, pushing errant strands of hair back from her face. "I'm sorry about before; I didn't mean to freak out like that or worry you."

Jack took a tentative step closer. "Well, I shouldn't have blurted it out that way, either."

"Any way would have been a shock," she tried to smile. Until Jack had given her the blanket, she didn't realize how chilled she'd become. Pulling the material closer around her, she nodded to the sand next to her. "You can sit down, I'm not going to run away again."

"I was getting concerned," he said, lowering himself to the sand. The action was more difficult for him than Sam remembered and immediately she felt sorry for asking him to sit when she could have stood. "You've been out here for hours, and you haven't eaten all day," he said with a grunt once he was finally on the ground.

"Can't say it crossed my mind," she said with a small smile.

"I don't suppose it would have," he agreed. The silence between them was tense; neither sure what to say.

"Sam. . . "

"Jack. . ." they spoke at the same time, causing each other to laugh nervously.

"This feels so weird," he said, "like it's a first date or something. We weren't this awkward when we _*had*_ a first date."

Sam looked over at him. "What did we do?"

"Well, I was trying to impress you," he admitted. "So I made reservations at this really fancy French restaurant that had just opened up. I even got Daniel to give me a crash course in French so I could pronounce the items on the menu." Jack smiled at the memory. "You looked fantastic. You had on this little black dress and heels that looked so sexy, I wondered how I was gonna make it through dinner."

Sam looked down at the ground, playing with the sand. She knew what dress he was talking about. She'd bought it on a whim, at Janet's insistence, hoping someday she'd get the chance to wear it for him. Apparently she had.

"Anyway, we got to the restaurant and everything was going great. I even managed to order without mangling the words too much. So, our dinner arrives and we each took a bite and it was all I could do to swallow. I have no idea what I ordered, but it tasted awful! I looked over at you and you had this same stricken look on you face, like you didn't want to insult me by telling me how bad it tasted. There we were, both pushing our food around our plates, neither of us taking another bite. Finally, I asked how it was and you mumbled something non-committal, and our eyes met and we both burst out laughing. I looked over at you and said, 'well, mine tastes like shit,' which started us both laughing so hard we couldn't speak. It only grew worse when the waiter came to ask if everything was all right. When I could draw a breath, I told him the escargot had really filled us up, and asked for the check."

Sam was smiling, envisioning the two of them suddenly trying to be serious. "So was that the end of the date?"

Jack was smirking as well, as he finished his tale. "No. Actually, we were both still really hungry so we drove to a McDonalds. We had Big Macs, fries, the works, sitting in one of those cramped, plastic booths. It was the best date I'd ever had," he smiled fondly.

Sam was grinning too, thinking of the sitting in the garish florescent lighting, dressed to the max, eating fast food. "I guess we're just spoiled eating all those tasty MREs," she said.

"Of course, the best part was when I took you home."

"Oh?" she asked, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Yeah, I got to kiss you good-night." Noting the expression on her face, he added, "that's all we did."

Sam relaxed, unsure why talking about them being involved made her so tense. "I wish I could remember."

"I could show you," he offered, almost shyly.

Sam merely nodded, afraid to voice her consent. Jack leaned closer, narrating how it took place.

"I slid my hand behind your neck like this, pulling you near me." Sam could feel his breath on her lips, as her eyes drifted shut. Seconds later she felt the touch of his lips, soft and gentle, and she felt her mouth opening for more. Jack didn't need any further encouragement as his tongue slipped inside her mouth, deepening the kiss.

_*God!*_ Sam thought _*How could I ever have forgotten this?*_

Slowly, Jack pulled away, giving her lips one last quick peck. "And then you went inside," he sighed.

"I must have been mad to let you leave," she said.

"Well, that's what I thought, but hey. . . ."

Sam playfully slapped his arm, then sobered. "Jack? I know this feels like ancient history to you, but to me it feels like the first time. Think you can give me a little time to catch up?"

"Sweetie, I can give you all the time you need," he said, giving her shoulders a hug.

"Sweetie? I let you call me Sweetie?"

"Well, you don't _*let*_ me, but you said if I didn't do it in public, you'd live with it."

"I can't believe I'd even agree to that," she groused.

"I can be pretty persuasive when I want to be."

"I kind of noticed that." Sam was silent for a moment as her mind continued to whirl with questions. "How'd my dad take all this?"

"He wasn't crazy about you living with me, but the whole relationship thing? It didn't surprise him much."

"How long have we been living together?"

"A little over a year. We were planning to get married at the end of this year, but the baby pushed things up." Sam grew quiet once more, looking out at the water.

"Sam? Does the idea of the baby really bother you?"

Turning back to him, she smiled. "No, not really, I guess. Just a bit of a shock. I'm sure in time I'll get used to it. Guess I don't have much choice, do I?"

"Believe me, Sam, we both wanted this baby. We discussed birth control but neither of us wanted to wait. We figured if it happened, it happened. We knew we were going to get married, it was just a matter of when."

"So why didn't we? Get married right away, I mean."

"You were still kind of dragging your feet. It wasn't that we didn't love each other, it was more you were still clinging to that last shred of independence. I guess I can't blame you, I know it wasn't easy being with me those first months."

"Why is that?"

"Oh, you know me. Speaking of clinging, I was trying to find some way to still make a contribution to the SGC. Hammond made some concessions, even created a position for me, more or less, but not being an active member of a team was tearing me apart. We decided it was in everyone's best interest if I just retired."

"So you don't work there anymore?" Somehow the thought of the SGC without Jack was inconceivable.

"They call me in as a consultant from time to time, but I'm not there on any kind of a regular basis."

"I would think I would have missed you there."

"Nah, you like me being a housefrau better." Sam couldn't suppress her grin at the image of Jack in an apron with a duster in one hand and a beer in the other. "Plus, this way we don't have to look for day-care when this little guy is born." Jack reached over to touch Sam's stomach, causing her to jump at the contact.

"I'm sorry," Sam apologized. "It just surprises me so when you touch me like that, out of the blue."

"Hey, I'm the one who's sorry," Jack said, snatching his hand away as if he'd been burned. "I keep forgetting. It's hard for me, too, ya know? I see my wife sitting next to me and I want to touch you, and at the same time you're not her."

Sam felt her heart breaking. She didn't mean to be insensitive to him, but she was dealing with so many emotions herself, she didn't have room for his.

"Maybe we should go in," Jack suggested.

"I think that's a good idea."

"Mind giving me a hand up?" Sam extended her hand, surprised at the warmth of his fingers. Even in the cool air his hands were warm. Struggling to his feet, Sam realized again this wasn't the same man she thought she knew. The Jack O'Neill she remembered would never have asked for help, or even accepted it if she'd offered. He'd mellowed, she realized, and she found she enjoyed a more easy-going Jack.

Once on his feet, their hands remained clasped, more from his refusal to let go than anything. "I called Janet again," he confessed. "When you went running off, I wasn't sure what to do. She's the one who suggested I let you have some space."

"Good advice," she agreed.

"She also thinks we should come home. She wants to have a look at you, see if there's anything she can do."

Sam turned her head, looking up into his eyes. "It's probably a good idea."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed. "This hasn't been exactly how I pictured our honeymoon."

Sam simply nodded. It wasn't exactly how she'd imagined it either.

~6~

Jack O'Neill paced the confines of General Hammond's office, hands clenching and unclenching as he strode in front of his commander's desk.

"General, I don't see how you can call off the search! It's only been two weeks!"

Hammond rubbed his hands over tired eyes. "Colonel, Jack, I know you think I'm giving up but. . ."

"Calling off the search sounds like giving up to me!"

"You know yourself we can't continue to expend the resources of this command for _*one* _missing team member, no matter how vital they are to this operation."

Jack's shoulders sagged. Of course he knew _*technically*_ one person's life would be forfeit in the greater scheme of things, but this was Sam they were talking about! Finally taking a seat in the chair Hammond kept offering him, Jack buried his fingers in his hair as his elbows came to rest on his knees.

"I can't just let it go, sir." Looking up at the general, Jack met his gaze. "You know this is my fault and I won't rest until we find her."

Hammond gave him a sympathetic look. "Son, you can't blame yourself for this. I've been there. I know it's not easy to accept, but you made the right call."

"Even if that call caused me to leave a member of my team behind?" Jack was on his feet again. "It's the only cardinal rule I have: no one gets left behind, and I abandoned her!"

"Jack, she was separated from you. You were under heavy attack. If you'd tried to rescue her with just the rest of SG-1 it would have been suicide! Under the circumstances, coming back for reinforcements was the right thing to do. You shouldn't blame yourself!"

"Oh, yeah, that thought helps me sleep at night," Jack fired back at him, momentarily forgetting he was speaking to a superior officer. In actuality, it was the stuff of his nightmares. From the moment he closed his eyes, all he could see was her head popping up from behind a rock and the zat blast sending her to the ground. The Jaffa had redoubled their efforts at that point, effectively keeping any of them from recovering her.

He remembered calling for Daniel to dial the 'gate and arguing with him this was the only way to save her. Unfortunately, he couldn't convince himself it had been the right thing to do-it was just what his training told him was right.

They'd returned as quickly as possible to P2X-993 with SG teams 3 and 5, but by the time they'd re-organized and arrived on the planet, Sam was gone. Along with any trace of the Jaffa they'd just been fighting. The only evidence of the skirmish was the scorch marks of staff weapons and chunks of exploded rock scattered near the 'gate and DHD. The worst of it was, they had no idea who'd taken her or where they'd gone, as there was no place on the planet for them to have retreated. There had to have been a ship in orbit. At least at some point. Still, it was hard to believe all their assailants could have been ringed up so quickly.

It was only in the past few days Daniel had begun to speak to him again, still blaming him for Sam's capture. Not that he needed any help in the guilt department. At least Teal'c and Hammond seemed to understand his actions. Too bad he couldn't.

He'd handled the situation as protocol demanded, but that knowledge gave him no comfort. Sam was missing and he let her be taken. Constantly on guard he'd act inappropriately where she was concerned, Jack was worried he'd gone overboard in the opposite direction. Could he have gotten to her? Or did he choose to play it by-the-book so he couldn't be accused of taking unnecessary risks for her? Ever since that damn za'tarc episode, he'd been second guessing his motives, on guard against playing favorites. Now, he was left with even more questions, starting with how he was going to find her.

"Any word from the Tok'ra?" he asked, turning back to the general.

"Not as of a few moments ago."

"Figures," Jack mumbled.

They were actually their only real hope of finding Sam. Even as he badgered Hammond about calling off the search, Jack knew sending teams out to planets in the neighborhood where she'd been abducted was futile. They could be anywhere. Hell, he didn't even have a clue as to which Goa'uld the Jaffa belonged to. He'd been a little more concerned about staying alive than noticing tattoos and armor. Teal'c had mentioned they were _*Shal'rak*_-mercenaries whose allegiance was guaranteed only as long as their wages were being met. As such, they could be fighting for anyone.

"Colonel, I'm sure as soon as Jacob can be spared, he'll be here. Just because he's a Tok'ra doesn't mean he's forgotten his daughter or ties to Earth."

It was times like this Jack actually missed Martouf. One word of Sam being in danger and he would have been knocking on the iris, offering to do anything to help. "I know, sir. It's just so damn frustrating not doing anything, waiting for the Tok'ra to get off their snaky little butts!"

"I'm sure there's a legitimate reason that. . ."

"Oh, come on, General! You know the Tok'ra help us only when it benefits them! Well, Sa . . .Carter's going to be almost as big a loss to them as she is to us!"

"I know what Major Carter means to you," he said, giving Jack a look that said he really _*did*_ understand what she meant to him, causing Jack to become defensive.

"She's a valuable member of my team and this facility," he stated strongly, grateful Hammond let the subject drop. "Sir, I know you can't officially keep up the search, but let Daniel, Teal'c and I keep looking. There's got to be some clue on the planet, some. . ."

"Jack," he sighed, "we've been over this. I can't take SG-1 out of the rotation over one missing person. There comes a point where we have to accept the fact we've done all we can. Now, I won't deny your team the chance to work with the Tok'ra, providing they get in touch with us, but as of now, I have to list Major Carter as M.I.A. Case closed."

Jack's back straightened, his lips pressed into a thin line. "Yes, sir."

Hammond's features softened as he looked at the man before him. "Colonel, for what it's worth, I am truly sorry."

Jack merely nodded as he exited his CO's office. Striding down the hall way, Jack didn't know what was worse, the feeling of helplessness or anger. The thought he'd never see Sam again was inconceivable to him. She was alive somewhere. If she wasn't, he was sure he'd know. He'd feel it.

~7~

Sam sat on a bed in the infirmary as Janet flashed a penlight into her eyes. The medical bay wasn't cold, but she was shivering anyway. Why was she so nervous? Jack was with her, holding her hand, lending his silent support as Janet continued with her exam.

Perhaps Jack was part of the problem. Janet seemed unconcerned at the sight of them together, but Sam still felt self-conscious with her CO grasping her hand. No matter how many times he told her they weren't in a chain of command, it still felt that way for her. And being within the walls of the SGC only emphasized that feeling.

Janet gave Sam a quick smile, then looked to Jack. "I think it might be better if we conducted the rest of the exam alone." Sam turned to Jack, giving him a slight nod, grateful Janet picked up on her need for privacy.

Once Jack was out of ear shot, Janet asked, "so, how are you doing, really? I know you're putting on this brave front for Jack, but you know you don't have to do that with me, right?"

Janet's kind words released a flood of emotions Sam hadn't realized she'd been holding back.

"Oh, Janet! It's been so hard! I'm so confused! Jack's telling me how we've been involved for the past two years, that we're expecting a baby, and I just don't remember any of it! And I really want to! Not only for my own peace of mind but for his as well. He's so worried about me. I hate to be the one who's causing him to be upset."

"Well, that's one thing that hasn't changed," Janet commented wryly. "Both of you are always more concerned about how the other one is coping rather than concentrating on your own feelings." Janet pulled a curtain around the examination table, handing her a gown. "Now, I don't want to hear how hard this is for Jack. I know that part. I want to know what _*you're*_ thinking."

"Honestly? It feels like a dream. It's almost _*too*_ perfect, you know what I mean?"

"I have to admit the two of you remind me of those happy couples in commercials trying to sell breakfast cereal, but I don't know that everything is perfect. Jack, after all, is still Jack, and that can't be easy to live with," Janet smirked.

"He's certainly been supportive of me," Sam said, picking at the paper gown next to her. "I can understand the chain of events on how we got to this point. They seem logical, but almost too logical."

"I'm not sure I'm following you."

Sam sighed, spelling out what she thought should be obvious. "Jack and I have been attracted to each other for some time, and because of our rank and positions, we can't explore a deeper relationship. Then the injury to Jack's knee takes the Air Force out of the equation. It doesn't incapacitate him, it's just enough to remove one of our biggest hurdles. So, we start seeing each other, taking things slow, like _*I*_ would like to have seen our relationship develop."

Janet shifted her stance, crossing her arms across her chest. "So far I don't see a problem."

"But that _*is*_ the problem!" Sam emphasized. "It's exactly how I _*would*_ have imagined it. Jack can be understanding when he wants to, but patience isn't his strong suit. I don't think he'd have been so accommodating. Don't get me wrong, I know he wouldn't force himself on me, but being _*so*_ understanding is out of character for him, don't you think?"

"Sam, the man is crazy about you. He'd walk over burning coals if you asked him. If you gave him the impression you wanted things to move at a snail's pace, he'd do it, just because he loves you that much."

Sam started unbuttoning her blue issued shirt. "I guess you're right. I suppose what he's telling me could be how things happened with us."

"Is there something else that doesn't seem right?"

"Just me moving in with him, I guess, not planning this baby."

"It wasn't totally unexpected, Sam. We discussed birth control, but you said you didn't want to wait, that if it happened, it happened. And as for moving in, you said the only thing left in your house were a few video tapes and a chunk of moldy cheese, so it seemed silly to continue to pay the mortgage."

Sam smiled at Janet's description of her house. She had no trouble visualizing the scene. And when she and Jack had returned from Hawaii, it looked as though her things had been incorporated with his for a while. Not like she'd moved her belongings near the time of the wedding.

"And you didn't find it odd I was so unconcerned about getting pregnant? Janet, you know me-I calculate things to the nth degree, work out all the possible variables. You really think I could be so laid back about something as important and life-altering as a baby?"

Janet shrugged. "All I know is you were on this incredible high, getting married to Jack, discussing the possibility of a family. I didn't think to question it. Of course, once you found out you were pregnant, you were over the moon. I've never seen anyone so happy. I have to admit, I was a little jealous." Janet's voice faded away with her confession, and she was having trouble looking Sam in the eye.

"Janet, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rub this in or anything I'm just saying. . ."

Clearing her throat, Janet looked up, professional mask in place once more. "You didn't. Now, how about we get a better look at you and see if we can't explain why suddenly you've had this memory lapse."

Sam let the subject drop, unsure how she would have continued the conversation with her friend, now that she was aware of how Janet felt.

"I'm going to give you a full physical and then an ultra sound. It's about time we saw what that baby of yours is up to."

Sam gave Janet a weak smile. Was it only yesterday she'd learned she was pregnant? Now she had to deal with all the changes it was going to make in her life. As if she didn't have enough to contend with! If only she could pin-point what event caused her to forget the last two years. She couldn't imagine Jack keeping anything from her. He'd been almost as shocked and dismayed as she'd been at the sudden loss of time. She wanted to believe him. She really did, but there was just something off about the whole situation.

~8~

Psyche ran a frustrated hand through her long hair as she bent over the control device attached to Samantha's head. Why was she fighting this so? Questioning everything? Psyche was giving the woman her heart's desire, and all she did was challenge the reality of what she was experiencing.

Adjusting the parameters of the implant, Psyche shook her head and mumbled. "Who wouldn't give anything to be with the one they love? Especially when that love has been denied? I'm not going to ask you for much, Samantha, only a few harmless questions, and then you and Jack can be together forever. Trust him, Samantha. He loves you and only wants you to be happy."

". . .happy. . ." Sam muttered as the display screen started to come to life once more. Psyche looked away from the screen as she felt another presence in the room. She never heard Eros when he joined her. He was suddenly there, as he was now, gazing at her with undisguised longing.

"It's late," he said. "You should join me in our bed."

Psyche returned his look with equal desire. "I wish I could, my love, but Samantha will not give up her secrets, and I want her information so I may please you."

Eros stepped closer, pulling her willing body into his arms. "You know you please me," he whispered against her ear. "Leave the woman with the device. Perhaps she shall find love as we have."

Psyche felt a shiver travel down her spine as she drew him closer. "You should not tempt me so."

"No more than you do me," he answered, placing his lips on the juncture of her shoulder and neck. Psyche moaned at the sensation. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to leave Samantha to her new life for a few hours. . . .

~9~

Jack held the door with his foot for Sam as she struggled with two handfuls of plastic grocery bags. He, too, was loaded down with bags, and neither could help laughing at the sight they made, juggling keys, doors and food.

Sam raced into the kitchen depositing her burden on one of the counters before she lost her grip on them.

"You really shouldn't be carrying so much," Jack chided, plopping his own armload next to hers.

"They weren't that heavy," Sam said, pushing stray hair from her face. "Besides, you know Janet said everything was fine as long as I don't over do it." Jack simply stared back at her, raising his eyebrows. "They weren't heavy," she repeated, "just a little awkward. Isn't there some hockey game or something you could be watching?"

"That's okay, I'll help you put these away," he offered. Sam stopped mid-way between opening the cupboard door to face him.

"Jack, I know you're trying to help, but it's easier if I do this myself. It'll help me get acclimated to your-our-kitchen once more."

"So, I'll let you snoop. I'll just hand you the stuff when you find out where it goes." Sam shook her head at Jack's insistence, wondering why he was being so helpful. She had to admit she'd never pegged him for the clingy type, but he'd hardly left her alone since they'd returned from Hawaii. Had Janet advised him to keep an eye on her? Or was he simply afraid she'd have a revelation and he'd miss it? She was starting to find it a bit annoying that every time she turned around, he was there, reminding her of a lost puppy. Surely he hadn't been this attentive before her memory lapse?

Placing her hands on her hips, Sam tried to sound reassuring rather than exasperated. "Jack, really, I've got this covered. If you truly want to help, you'll give me a few minutes to myself."

Jack's crestfallen features were almost enough to make her reconsider his suggestion of help, but she needed a few minutes to get used to all this. Never would she have imagined it would be so difficult to accept she was in a relationship with him. Especially after all the times she'd wondered about it. It was one thing to day-dream about being involved with him and quite another to actually be living it. Given time, she was sure she'd adjust, but she _*did*_ need that time.

"Sure," he said at length. "If you need any help. . ."

"I'll call you," she finished for him. Sam watched Jack leave the kitchen, hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans, shoulders slumped. The funny part was, she hated putting groceries away, and here she was, pushing off his assistance just so she could be alone. aaa,p. She had to smile to herself as she began unpacking the bags. The cupboards were organized in the same manner she'd had them at her house. Apparently one of her "improvements" to Jack's house had been organizing his cupboards. She remembered from their poker nights, Jack used to keep his munchies next to the sink, where now there was stacks of plates.

The whole thing still felt off to her for some reason. Even though there was evidence all around her she'd melded her life with his, it just didn't seem right. The thing she couldn't understand was why she was fighting it. Why was she trying so hard to find proof she wasn't involved with him? They were breaking no rules. Everyone she encountered from Hammond on down seemed to approve of their being together. Why not accept this as the gift it was?

Sam was leaning down into the refrigerator, stacking beer bottles, when suddenly Jack's arm snaked around her, reaching for a cold beer from the top of her pyramid. She jumped at the contact. Whether it was from his sudden appearance, or the feel of his arm brushing against hers, Sam wasn't sure. Standing, Sam looked into Jack's eyes. Their gazes locked and Sam felt her knees growing weak from the heat she saw radiating from the brown depths.

Jack swallowed, but didn't move away. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

"You didn't," she answered, finally turning her head, breaking the spell that had settled over them. Ducking under Jack's arm, Sam returned to the counter, picking up empty bags, bunching them into a ball before she saved them for recycling.

"Find everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, no problem. Just like home," she said, her back still to him. "Find a game?"

"Basketball playoffs," he commented. Sam heard the sound of the cap being removed from his beer and saw the lid land in the sink. For some reason, Sam snapped. Whipping around, she shouted,

"Why do you do that? Do you have _*any*_ idea how annoying that is? The garbage can is _*right*_ there, Jack! Why do you always have to toss your caps into the sink instead of the trash?"

Jack took a step back at her outburst. "I never knew it bothered you so much."

"Bullshit! You've always known I hate it!"

"Is this some pregnancy hormone thing I should know about?"

Sam was livid. He was such a. . .a guy! Taking a deep breath she tried to control her voice. "No, Jack, this is not some pregnancy thing. From the time I've come over here to play poker with you guys I've hated this! Surely I've said something before now!"

Jack simply stood there, blinking. "You never mentioned it. Are you sure you're okay? Did you remember something?"

Sam fished the cap out of the sink, making a show of throwing it into the garbage can. "Only what a slob you can be!" Her head was pounding with a headache that had instantly appeared. Rubbing her temples she looked up at him. "I've got a headache. I'm going to lay down." Without a backward glance, Sam exited the kitchen, heading for the stairs and the guest bedroom.

When they'd returned from Hawaii, Jack hadn't even asked her about the sleeping arrangements, assuming she'd more comfortable in a room by herself. Actually she was, but on some level she was disappointed he put her in the spare bedroom. Now she was grateful for the privacy.

What the hell was going on with her, anyway? Why'd she go off on Jack like that? Just because she was uncomfortable with his earlier closeness? Because if she would have stayed near him any longer she might have moved even closer? The bottle cap was just an excuse to start a fight, because a fight was easier to handle than the other emotions he was evoking in her. It was so uncharacteristic, no wonder he thought it was pregnancy related!

Sam buried her face in her hands. Okay, so she was attracted to him, that was nothing new. But she was married to him now. Shouldn't that be making things easier instead of more difficult? Acknowledging the attraction confirmed she believed everything that had happened in the past two days, and there was so much she didn't buy. She just didn't understand everyone's motives if this _*was*_ a ruse. What was the point of making her believe she was married to Jack?

Just then there was a soft knock at the door. "Sam? You all right?"

Sam wiped the moisture from her face. "Yeah."

"Can I come in?"

Staring at the door, Sam wondered if she should tell him to go away; that she needed more time, but he was probably even more confused than her.

"Sure."

Slowly, the door swung open and Jack stuck his head in the room, expectant look on his face.

"I'm not going to bite your head off again, if that's what you're worried about," Sam joked.

"I'm just concerned about you," he said, stepping into the room, but not coming too close.

"I know, and I'm sorry." She patted the bed next to her and Jack took a seat. "It's just that this is hard for me to accept. It's so different from where I was, or remember being."

Jack nodded. "I know if the situation was reversed, I'd be having trouble accepting it, too."

"No matter how attracted we are to each other," she added shyly.

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Attracted to me."

A smile blossomed over Sam's face. "I married you, didn't I?"

"Well, ya, but you said you don't feel married to me. So, where do we stand now?"

Sam knew she shouldn't feel embarrassed over what she felt for him. After all, she was going to have his baby, but still, it was hard for her to tell him how much she cared for him. From the way he was looking at her, she had nothing to fear-the feeling was mutual. Still, it felt like a first-time admission.

"I, uh, care about you a lot, Jack." Forcing her eyes upward, she met his gaze. "I've almost always been attracted to you."

Jack's face nearly split from the goofy grin he gave her. "Guess I haven't lost my charm!"

"Never."

Jack reached out a hand, gently caressing her face. "Sam? Can I kiss you?"

She was shocked. Not so much that he wanted to kiss her, but that he asked. He wasn't pushing her. This was her decision, and despite all the anxiety she felt, she realized she very much wanted him to kiss her.

"Yes," she breathed, moving closer to him. Jack shifted his position so he could wind his arm around her. They were both so nervous, they gave each other awkward smiles as they closed the distance between them.

At first it was a mere touching of lips, soft and gentle, but as Sam felt Jack's arms tighten around her, she found herself opening her mouth, deepening their contact. She kept waiting for alarms to go off, for her conscience to berate her for kissing her CO, but the admonishment never came. For once it felt totally right to be where previously she'd only dreamed of being-wrapped in his arms.

The kiss seemed to go on forever, and yet it was over much too quickly. Sam was surprised to find it was Jack who was pulling back, giving her a chance to breathe. Drawing her head to his shoulder, he simply held her, rubbing his hands over her back.

"I think it's going to be nice to get to know you again, Mrs. O'Neill."

~10~

Jack had tried to get the rest Fraiser practically ordered him take, but every time he closed his eyes, all he saw, over and over, was Sam being shot, and hearing his voice calling to Daniel to dial the 'gate. Why the hell hadn't he stayed on the planet? Teal'c and Daniel could have gone for reinforcements. At least then he wouldn't have left her behind. Or at the very least he'd have some clue of where to look for her. Perhaps they would have captured him as well, but it would have been better than leaving her behind. No matter how many times Hammond told him he'd followed procedure, done what was right, there was no convincing him he _*had*_ done the right thing.

Attraction was a terrible thing, he decided. If he hadn't been trying so hard to act impartial where Sam was concerned, he would have done what _*he*_ thought was right and not some damn rule book.

No one gets left behind. How often did he drill that into his team? He knew none of them would have left him, and yet he'd abandoned Sam. For once he had an inkling of what Frank Cromwell must have went through when he'd discovered Jack hadn't died in Iraq. _*When*_ they found her, would Sam feel the same way toward him as he had felt about Cromwell? He couldn't blame her. He was sure she hadn't been taken on a vacation. With every atrocity committed to her, he was sure she was cursing his name.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to block the images of Sam being tortured. Naturally, the first thing Hammond had done was change the codes to the iris. Sam would know this. Hopefully she wasn't trying to be brave and not reveal obsolete codes. She could tell her captors anything and they wouldn't know any more than they had before.

Jack hadn't left the base since they'd returned from P2X-993. There was no way he could leave when the Tok'ra might be in contact at any moment. Yeah, right. If that moment happened to fit their schedule. He couldn't believe they hadn't heard _*something* _from Jacob, but maybe he hadn't been informed. It would be just like those supposedly benign snake heads to deny Jacob information about his daughter.

Rolling over to his right side from his left, Jack punched his pillow, trying to get comfortable. It wasn't that he didn't want to sleep. Hell, he'd give anything for a full night's rest, short of some of Doc Fraiser's "little helpers," but he didn't deserve to rest. Not when Sam was probably denied the same luxury.

Maybe he should go talk to Daniel. Although they were now on speaking terms, they really hadn't talked about what had happened on the mission. It was late, but chances were pretty good he was still in his lab. Giving up on any pretense of sleep, Jack pulled on his boots, loosely tying the laces. Hopefully Daniel was in a receptive mood.

Jack's knuckles rapped on the door frame of Daniel's lab, causing the man to look up.

"Hey," Daniel said.

"Hey. Whatcha doin'?"

"Working."

"Ah."

"You?"

"Can't sleep."

"Ah," Daniel replied. "Anything in particular you wanted?"

"Just more of this stimulating conversation," Jack said, helping himself to a stool without an invitation.

"Have a seat," Daniel quipped, rising from his own. "You want some coffee?"

"Nah," Jack said, rubbing his hands over the scratchy surface of his face. "I don't need any help staying awake."

Daniel filled his mug, obviously waiting for Jack to tell him what brought him down to his lab.

"I can't stop thinking about Carter," he finally said.

"I figured," Daniel said, retaking his seat.

"You think I did the wrong thing."

"Well, Jack, I found it a case of do as I say, not as I do."

"You think I wanted to leave her there?" Jack asked, his voice gaining volume.

"You did have a choice," Daniel said, taking a drink from his mug, grimacing as he drank the dregs of the pot.

"No, Daniel, I didn't. If we would have stayed, we all would have been captured or dead."

"If you're so convinced you did the right thing, how come you can't sleep? How come you're here? You don't need my approval to run your unit." Daniel's words were harsh, but isn't that why he was here? For someone to call a spade a spade and stop telling him he'd done what was called for in the situation?

"I know," Jack said, barely above a whisper. "I shouldn't have left her. I should have sent you and Teal'c back and at least stayed on the planet with her."

Daniel sighed. "And you getting captured would have made things better? Look, Jack, I can't imagine what being put in that type of a situation must be like, and I don't want to know. I don't blame you for what happened if that's what you're thinking."

"You don't?"

Daniel removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Maybe at first, I did, but I don't any longer."

Jack started to fiddle with a small statue on Daniel's desk. "What changed your mind?"

"I guess I finally realized you didn't have much of a choice in the matter. That ordering us back was probably one of the hardest things you'd ever had to do."

"You have no idea," Jack mumbled to himself, but Daniel heard him.

"Yeah, I do. I know how I felt when I had to let Sha're go with Apophis because the odds were too overwhelming to save her."

Jack's head shot up, wondering if Daniel was implying the situations were similar because of his feelings for Sam.

"We all care about her," Daniel said diplomatically, not putting a point on what Jack felt for Sam. "It's hard on all of us."

"Hammond said if the damn Tok'ra ever contact us, he'll let us go with them. Until then, we're back on the schedule."

"Well, that's one thing, I suppose," Daniel said, replacing his glasses. "I still can't believe he's called off the search."

"You know, I've seriously thought about ditching our next mission and going to look for Carter ourselves."

Daniel perked up at the thought. "But. . . ."

"But I haven't got a clue where to start looking. Teal'c seems pretty sure she was taken aboard a ship, and who knows where _*that*_ could be by now."

"Another thing we need the Tok'ra for," Daniel agreed.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, their ships have some pretty sophisticated tracking equipment. My guess is if they use a Teltac they should be able to tell from the ion trail left by the ship where it went, even after this amount of time. That is, if there aren't a lot of ships in the area to confuse the scans."

Jack's eyes brightened. He should have thought of that, but with his guilt over Sam, he hadn't been thinking as clearly as he normally would have. If only there'd be some word from the Tok'ra!

~11~

Eros entered the chamber where the Tau'ri woman was being held, only to spot Psyche rummaging through her work station with an unusual amount of force. Normally, it took something extremely drastic to rile his lover. Of all the women he'd loved, she was the most level-headed. Something had obviously happened to place her in such a state.

"What is it, my love?" Eros spoke, startling her from her tantrum.

"She is the problem!" Psyche cried, leveling a finger at the prone woman on the table. "She is proving to be most resistant to the memories I've implanted within her."

"Is it the device?" Eros asked, slowly approaching Psyche, unsure if in her agitated state she might not take a swing at him.

Releasing her breath, Psyche replied, "no, everything seems to be in order. She simply refuses to believe what she sees! Even though she has had feelings for this 'Jack' for many years. I don't understand why she doesn't wish to be with him, when she obviously loves him!"

"There are many reasons to push away the affections of another. Fear being the greatest of these. Fear of losing oneself, fear of the love not lasting, fear that love is not returned."

"But Samantha knows Jack loves her, I believe she was aware of it even before I gave her the memories of their life together. This is why I don't understand why she hasn't embraced the existence I have given her."

"I believe I can help," Eros said, stepping closer. "Perhaps the Elixir?" Normally, he would have simply ordered Psyche to use the "love potion" he'd created, but she was not in mood to be told what to do.

When he spoke of fear of rejection, he realized he was thinking of his own situation with Psyche. She'd never withheld her affection for him as a prize to be won, but there was always that doubt. Eros refused to use his Elixir on her as a means of retaining her love. It was fine to play with the hearts of others, but he wanted to know Psyche's feelings for him were genuine.

Once a solution was offered, Psyche visible relaxed. "I had not thought of that, my love. Perhaps all Samantha needs is a push in the right direction. After all, if you could make Ammounet fall in love with Apophis, you can incite desire in anyone."

Eros puffed up with pride. "Yes, Ammounet was my finest hour," he agreed. "If Apophis had kept his end of the bargain, we wouldn't be here, wasting our time with this Tau'ri woman, trying to win her secrets."

"But my love, even if you have no wish to compete with the other System Lords for territory, a planet of your own would be infinitely better than living on this ship. With the knowledge we gain from Samantha, you shall have what you deserve."

"All I wish is what was promised to me-a world we can call home. I've told you before, I have no wish to enter into their petty squabbling. This woman is my assurance Apophis keeps his word to me this time."

"But why settle for just a planet when you could rule his empire?" Psyche said, running her hands up his arms and across his shoulders. "When we have the key to the Tau'ri's defenses, we shall no long need to appeal to Apophis, groveling at his feet. The others will join us and with the defeat of the Tau'ri. Then we shall rule over his territories. I will take great pleasure in exacting retribution for the indignities he has made you suffer."

"And I will take great pleasure in watching you," Eros smiled, pulling her to him. Perhaps it would be worth it to get involved in the System Lord's fight, if only to please his beloved Psyche.

Psyche administered the potion to Samantha's feed tube. According to Eros, the drug should take effect almost immediately, but she wasn't taking any chances. The Tau'ri woman would feel it would be necessary for some time to have passed in order to explain her increased desire for Jack. So, Psyche gave Samantha fleeting memories of time spent together, giving her a sense several weeks had gone by. Coupled with Eros' Elixir, she was confident she would have the codes very soon.

~12~

Jack stepped down from the ramp, removing his cap and running a hand through his hair. It had been an easy mission, but it might as well have been his worst expedition ever. Captain Harrison replaced Carter, making her absence even more keenly felt. He couldn't remember the number of times he turned, starting to say her name, only to catch sight of the youngish man that had taken her place. It didn't help that he had short blonde hair.

Daniel had been in full diplomatic mode, doing his best to help Harrison adjust to his new assignment, for which Jack was grateful. He was dealing with so many emotions he didn't have any compassion to spare for the man who'd no doubt heard rumors about what a demanding leader he could be. Especially when he was in a "mood."

Gregg Harrison seemed a little leery of Teal'c, but then almost everyone who encountered him up close and personal for the first time was a bit intimidated by him. So, Captain Harrison pretty much latched himself onto Daniel, which was fine with Jack.

General Hammond was waiting at the base of the ramp. "Welcome back, SG-1."

Jack looked up. "Thank you, sir."

"How'd everything go?"

"Piece of cake, General. The natives of P4S-589 are chompin' at the bit for a trade agreement. I recommend you send in the legal boys ASAP to finalize things."

Hammond nodded. "Agreed. Get check out, cleaned up and meet me for debriefing."

"Yes, sir."

"Oh, Colonel? One more thing. You might not want to dawdle. Jacob's here."

Jack's head snapped up, looking around the 'gate room. "Where is he?"

"You'll see him soon enough. Once we've put a period at the end of this mission, we'll talk about your next one."

"Yes, sir!" he replied again, this time a bit more enthusiastically. Tossing his P90 to the arms master, Jack took off at a near sprint, with Daniel and Teal'c hot on his heels. Looking behind him, he noticed the new captain wasn't among their ranks.

"Harrison! Move your ass!" Jack yelled as he slowed a bit. Shocked into action, Gregg followed his new team mates out of the 'gate room.

"Sir?" Harrison asked, practically jogging to keep up with O'Neill. "Why the rush?"

"I want this debrief over with," Jack said, picking up his pace once more. Realizing Jack had confused the newest member of SG-1, Daniel explained.

"Jacob Carter is Major Carter's father. He's also a Tok'ra. We're hoping with his help we'll be able to find Sam."

Harrison's eyes widened as he took in the information. "It's certainly been an interesting week," he commented, keeping pace with O'Neill. "I wasn't expecting such a hands on experience."

"Welcome to Oz," Jack said, pushing the door to the locker room open.

It was strange, but even the locker room held memories of Sam. The good-natured teasing his team engaged in as they vied for first dibs on the showers. Looking over his shoulder at Harrison, Jack shook his head. He wasn't a bad kid. Did quite well for his first time out, actually. But aside from the obvious physical differences, he was no Sam. God he couldn't wait to get this briefing over with so he could talk to Jacob! He couldn't believe Jacob had the patience to wait for them! Of course, Hammond had probably filled him in on all the pertinent data. Jack couldn't imagine how he felt knowing his only daughter was at the mercy of some Goa'uld, and Jack had let her be taken. Jacob was going to crucify him.

Just about the time Jack thought he was going to crawl out of his skin, Hammond wrapped up the debriefing.

"Well, done, SG-1. Now I know you're all anxious to talk to Jacob as he is with you, so. . . Airman? Will you call General Carter please?"

Jacob had to have been waiting right outside the door, for as soon as it was open, he entered the briefing room. Jack looked at the man, feeling a mixture of relief, joy and guilt all rolled into one. Jacob nodded to the men in the room, but settled his gaze on Jack.

"How could you let this happen?"

Immediately Jack became defensive. "I didn't 'let' this happen! I'm sure you've seen the report! God, Jacob do you honestly think I would have left Sam. . .left _*anyone*_ on that planet if I'd had the choice? You've been in similar situations! Are you going to tell me you've never had to make a call like this?"

"I always went back for them," Jacob said, taking a seat across from Jack.

"And you don't think we did? Hell, I'd still be there looking if I wasn't sure she'd been taken off-world."

"How do you know she was taken from the planet?"

"There was evidence of transport rings for one thing, besides the fact in the amount of time it took to get reinforcements, they'd all disappeared. And what about the Tok'ra?" Jack asked getting to his feet, placing his palms on the table, leaning toward Jacob. "Where were they in all this? We sent message after message and there was _*never*_ any response until today! Are you going to tell me some mission for the Tok'ra is more important than finding your daughter?"

Jacob was now on his feet, mirroring Jack's posture, leaning across the table. "I had a duty to perform that transcends personal ties!"

"Oh, so it's okay for _*you*_ to look out for the greater good, but when the shoe is on my foot. . ."

"Gentlemen, please!" Hammond interrupted. "Nothing is going to be accomplished by the two of you being at each other's throats! Major Carter's capture has been a terrible loss for all concerned! We need to focus on how to get her back, not who's to blame!"

Jacob's head dipped then he looked up, eyes flashing. "General Hammond is right. There is no use in fighting amongst ourselves. Colonel," Selmac's eerie voice echoed, "do not take Jacob's words personally. He is very concerned about Samantha, and quite upset the Tok'ra deemed it necessary to keep the knowledge of her capture a secret from him until his mission was completed. He was very close to obtaining his objective when we received your first message. It was in everyone's best interest that he finished what he'd started."

Jack backed down slightly, retaking his seat, but not relaxing into it. Jacob's head dipped again as Selmac relinquished control.

"Jack, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take it out on you," he said quietly. "Do you have any idea who might have taken her?"

Jack shook his head. "Daniel seems to think it might be possible to trace the ship if we had access to a Teltac," he said pointedly.

"Do you have any idea how difficult it's going to be to pick up an ion trail after all this time?"

"Jacob," Jack said, staring him in the eye, "it's the only hope we have. If they're on a ship, it's likely they won't be stopping at any planets we could 'gate to. Even if we _*did*_ know the co-ordinates."

Jacob nodded in understanding. "I'll speak to the council. I can't offer any guarantees, but I'll do my best. Besides, if they don't agree, I have my sources," he said with an enigmatic smile.

Jack turned to Gregg. "How 'bout you Harrison? You in? I know this isn't your fight since you just joined but you willing to give us a hand?"

The surprise was evident on the man's face as he accepted. "I'd be honored, Colonel."

"General?" Jack asked, turning to face his commanding officer.

"Providing Jacob gets a ship, you have a go. Until then I'd like you all to remember you still have obligations to this facility. I expect your reports from this mission on my desk by morning. Dismissed."

~13~

Sam knelt down next to the flower beds, pulling out the remains of last year's plants as she prepared the ground for this season's plantings. It was a warm sunny day, the insects were pleasantly buzzing and all she could seem to think of was Jack. How adorable he'd looked at breakfast, with his mussed hair and sleepy eyes. It was all she could do to move away as she'd leaned down to kiss his cheek as she served him his meal.

Over the past few weeks she found she'd been touching him more and more. Perhaps it had been in response to his own little touches, but it no longer felt awkward to feel his hand on hers or to receive a peck on the cheek. Since the night in her room where he'd kissed her, there hadn't been any repeats, just sharing touches and small smiles.

She couldn't keep the grin from her face now, thinking about him, wondering what he would do if she initiated more intimate contact. The thing she found the hardest to understand was why she continued to fight her attraction to him. It was obvious he was just waiting for her to decide to let go and embrace the life they once shared. Would it be so terrible to give into that?

She still had her work in the lab at the SGC to keep her busy, since there wouldn't be any 'gate travel for the next several months. Living with Jack had not only made the transition from soldier to scientist easier to handle, she was discovering facets of his personality she never would have suspected. Like how gooey he got when he talked about the baby, and how they should decorate the nursery. She'd always known he liked kids, but he was almost more emotional over the baby than she was.

Which was another thing that surprised her. How quickly she'd come to care for the child she carried. Naturally, she figured to have some maternal feelings toward it once she got used to the idea, but the thought that Jack was this baby's father seemed to make it all the more special. Rubbing her hand over her slightly rounded stomach, she left a streak of dirt on her shirt.

"Jeeze, Carter, you're as sappy as he is," she mumbled to herself as she tried to rub the earth from her clothes. Just then, Jack came around the corner, pushing a lawn mower and wiping the sweat from his brow. Wearing only a pair of cut-offs, Sam found herself staring at him, wondering if her eyes reflected the heat she felt rising within her.

"Hey, Sweetie, what's up?" he asked with a grin that melted her heart.

Sam got to her feet, removing her gloves as she approached him. "How many times have I told you not to call me 'Sweetie?'" she said, smiling herself, letting him know she wasn't really annoyed.

"About as many times as I've called you that," his grin widened.

"You look warm," she observed.

Jack wiped his brow again. "Yeah, I guess I am a little hot."

"Maybe you need a little cooling off," Sam said, reaching for the hose. Before Jack could react, she'd turned the valve on the end, dousing him with ice cold water.

"Sam! Why you little. . . . Come here!" he cried, chasing after her as she continued to direct the force of the water onto his face, blocking his vision. Sam was laughing so hard she wasn't paying attention to the fact he was gaining on her. When she tripped on the hose, the end went flopping to the ground, causing them both to dive for the rubber tube. Struggling for possession, Sam found herself getting equally soaked with the frigid water.

"Ahhh!" she screamed. "That's cold!"

"How do you like it," Jack laughed as he wrestled the hose from her grip, showering her from head to toe.

"I don't! Jack! Stop!" but her laughter belied her words. Suddenly, she tackled him, knocking him to the ground and pinning his arms, tossing away the hose. Their eyes met and he stopped fighting, merely staring at her as she was him. Slowly, she lowered her face to his, initiating the kiss she'd been thinking about all morning. If Jack was shocked, he quickly recovered as he returned her passion; his tongue seeking permission to enter her mouth. Sam opened herself to him as her grip on his wrists relaxed. Taking advantage of her distraction, Jack flipped her over, holding her to the ground with his own body. Moving his lips down her neck, Sam couldn't help the moan that escaped her.

"Isn't this about the time the phone rings?" she laughed.

"If any one calls, I'll kill them," Jack mumbled into her shoulder. Pushing against him slightly, Sam sat up breaking their contact.

"What?" he asked, reaching for her again.

"I don't think this is such a good idea," she said.

"Why? What did I do?"

Sam's smile turned sympathetic. "You didn't do anything! I just meant making out here in the yard might not be such a good idea. I don't think I want to replace the afternoon soaps for Mrs. McPherson with a little 'live action drama.'"

Jack smiled as he rolled off her, caressing her cheek. "In that case, hold that thought."

Sam stood and offered him a hand up. He had grass clippings stuck everywhere, and looking down, she noticed she was covered as well. "I think I need a shower," she said, trying unsuccessfully to remove the grass.

"I could join you, conserve water, you know. After all, we did waste a lot chasing each other with the hose."

Jack's grin prompted one of her own. "Thanks for the offer, but I think it might be better if I cleaned up on my own." Jack nodded, attempting to appear unaffected by her rejection.

"How about a rain check?" she offered shyly. His features brightened at the prospect.

"I'm holding you to it."

Sam put the finishing touches on dinner, wondering for the millionth time where Jack was. After cleaning up from their impromptu water fight, she discovered he'd taken off in the car, without leaving a note or anything.

She hoped her not taking him up on the offer of a shared shower hadn't frustrated him to the point he had to leave. But she had to admit she was starting to feel a little paranoid when he was gone for so long.

She'd had a revelation while taking her shower. She was tired of ignoring the feelings she felt for him, tired of fighting what everyone had been telling her was right-that they belonged together.

So dinner was the start of her making the effort of being a proper wife. Oh, not the June-Cleaver-here's-your-paper-and-slippers kind of wife, but feeling as if she could express her affection-her love-for Jack without feeling guilty or awkward. She wanted to feel as if she was part of a couple, and lately, she had. Only they were a couple that slept in separate beds. Tonight she was going to rectify that. If he ever got home, that is.

"Sam?" she heard Jack call from the foyer.

"In the kitchen!"

"Hey," he said, pulling her into his arms, kissing her temple. For the first time Sam noticed how adjusted they'd become to living together, and she smiled. The time _*was*_ right to move things to the next level.

"So, where did you go?" Sam asked, hoping she didn't sound like she was prying.

Jack was paging through the paper, not really ignoring her, but it took a moment for him to respond. "Oh. Over to Daniel's. He's putting some kind of shelving unit thing together and he needed a hand." Jack looked up from his perusal of the headlines and added. "You were in the shower."

"Jack, we're not joined at the hip, you know. If you had something to do with Daniel or anyone else, you don't have to clear it with me. A note would have been nice. . . ."

"I'm sorry, Sweetie, but I was in kind of a hurry. Daniel was almost buried under lumber when I got there."

Sam smiled at the mental image. Daniel had infinite patience when it came to artifacts, but when it came to _*building*_ something as opposed to digging it up, he was lost.

"So, what's for dinner?"

"Egg plant parmesan," she said, pulling the pan from the oven.

Jack's eyebrows raised. "What's the occasion?"

"Nothing special," she said, hoping he didn't notice her hands were shaking. Why couldn't she just relax? He didn't have to know what she'd been thinking about all afternoon!

"Hmmm," he said, taking plates from the cupboard and setting the table. "You make my favorite meal, don't yell at me for leaving without telling you. . . . Okay, Sam, what's the deal? You do something to the car?"

"And if I did, it would be my car," she pointed out. "No, I just felt like making something you'd like. Kind of make up for that whole water fight thing," she smiled.

"Ah. Well, as I recall, I thought we'd ended up even on that one."

"Maybe more than even," she added then quickly looked away.

Dinner was pleasant, even though the kitchen wasn't quite the atmosphere Sam had been shooting for. If she would have insisted on the dining room, or the deck, Jack would have thought something was up. He might not be an active participant at the SGC any longer, but his sense of suspicion was as strong as ever.

"Why don't we have coffee out on the deck," she suggested, hoping the starlight would do more for setting the mood than the kitchen's overhead florescent light.

"Sounds good," he said, starting to help her clear the dishes.

"I'll get these, why don't you put some music on. I'll be out with the coffee in a minute."

Shrugging his shoulders, Jack left the room, still giving her looks like he knew something was up. Hopefully, in the semi-darkness she'd have the nerve to tell him what she'd come to feel for him, and she didn't plan on using the spare bed that evening.

Sam settled next to Jack on the porch swing, handing him a cup of coffee. Taking a sip, he leaned back, placing his arm around her shoulders.

"That was great, Sam, thanks. You know I would have been just as happy with a burger and a beer."

"You're ruining the compliment," she said, punching him lightly in the stomach.

"The flowers look great," he said. "You did a lot of work on them. Aren't you tired?"

"No, not really," she said, blissfully content, the comforting weight of his arm on her shoulders keeping her warm in the cool breeze.

Jack stifled a huge yawn. "Well, I don't know how you do it, being pregnant and all, but I'm beat. I guess all this fresh air is getting to me. I think I'm going to turn in."

"Already?" Sam asked sitting up away from him. "But it's so early!" she exclaimed, disappointed she hadn't had the chance to tell him the thoughts that had been preying on her all day.

"Yeah, it is for you young folks," he said, effecting an aged voice.

Sam didn't know what to do. Should she just tell him what she'd been thinking? No preamble to warm him up to her revelation? It's not like she couldn't tell him tomorrow, or even the next day, but she'd gone to all this trouble, making him a dinner she didn't even like! She tried to keep her voice even as she wished him good-night.

"Sleep well,"

"You too." Jack leaned over giving her a chaste kiss on the forehead. This was not how this night was supposed to end! Sam watched him enter the house, angry and frustrated at the same time. Well, she couldn't hardly blame him, after the way she'd been acting since she woke up in Maui. She'd never given him any indication her thoughts about him had changed, other than not being so jumpy around him anymore. I wasn't like "seduce Jack" was marked on the calendar for this night.

Sighing, Sam got up and went into the house as well, placing their cups into the sink. As she climbed the stairs she thought about going to talk to him, but she didn't know what she'd say. Entering her room, she began to search through her drawers for her nightgown. Instead, she felt the silky fabric of some type of lingerie. Pulling it out of the drawer, her eyes widened. She didn't remember having seen _*this*_ little number before, but then it was buried at the bottom of her dresser. Jack must have moved it when he transferred her other clothing. The size tag was still attached, so obviously it hadn't been worn. Had he bought it for her? No, this was more Janet's style. Something she would have bought to embarrass Sam at a bachelorette party. Still, looking at the filmy material gave Sam an idea. If she showed up in Jack's room wearing this, there would be no need for words to explain what she wanted. But did she have the guts?

She'd never been the "girlie" type and she wondered how ridiculous she'd look in something so blatantly sexual and feminine. Could she pull this off without feeling incredibly silly?

Shedding her clothes, Sam pulled on the whisper of fabric and looked at herself in the mirror.

"I look stupid," she said aloud. "Stupid and fat." She started to remove the negligee, but caught site of herself in the mirror once more. Yeah, it wasn't her, but it did speak volumes. Volumes she didn't know if she herself was capable of speaking.

"Come on, Sam! He married you, for Christ's sake! He obviously has seen it all before and liked what he saw! How hard can it be?" Smoothing down the fabric, she glanced at her pale face in the mirror. "Damn hard."

Stepping into the hallway, Sam took a deep breath. "Here goes plan 'B.'"

Sam knocked on Jack's door, but as expected, there was no answer. Maybe she _*should*_ wait, she thought. No, if she didn't do this now, she'd never have the nerve again. Opening the door, Sam moved into the darkened bedroom. There was a faint glow coming from a night light, just enough to illuminate a path between the bed and a chair.

Jack was sprawled across his bed, still dressed in a cotton shirt and his cut-offs, as if he'd landed on the bed and passed out. Sam smiled. He was just like a little boy who'd played too hard and didn't have the energy to get into his pajamas. At first she was just going to lay down beside him, let him get some sleep. But he should get out of his clothes, she thought.

Sam removed his athletic shoes and socks and he hadn't stirred. She was amazed he could sleep so soundly when he'd always been so alert to any noise when they'd been on a mission. Moving up the bed, she began to unbutton his shirt, revealing more and more of his chest with each button. There was something quite erotic about doing this while he continued to sleep, and Sam found herself growing bolder, leaning over to kiss his chest as her hands traveled over the expanse of his exposed skin.

Pushing the material off his shoulders, Sam placed a kiss on his collar bone and began working her way south, lightly biting his stomach when she reached his navel. Jack moaned and Sam felt his hands come to rest on her upper arms.

"Sam?" he asked, raising his head off the bed, obviously shocked to find her kissing his stomach.

"Shhh. Go back to sleep," she said.

"If this is the kind of dream I'm going to have, I want to be awake for it."

Sam grinned as she made her way back up his chest, then neck, and finally to his lips, kissing him long and hard.

"Sam? Are you sure about this? I mean I don't want you to feel obligated or. . ."

"I don't feel obligated," she said, kissing him once more. "I've finally come to the conclusion that I want you, Jack, and I'm cashing in my rain check."

Before she could say another word, he'd flipped them over so she lay beneath him, as he rested his weight on his forearms. "God, you're beautiful," he said, lips descending on hers once more. And for the first time in ages, Sam felt she was.

~14~

Jack took a swing at the punching bag, sending it circling away from him, only to double punch it upon it's return. He was breathing hard, sweat dripping from his face, but still he attacked the bag, dancing from foot to foot as he delivered a particularly hard blow. Suddenly, from behind him, he heard a calm voice.

"Is it not past the time of day for this type of exercise, O'Neill?"

"There's no hours on the gym, Teal'c," Jack answered, panting.

"I was under the impression while you and the others were on Earth, your schedule called for sleep at this time."

"Where'd you get an idea like that?" Jack asked, knowing what Teal'c was getting at, but remaining purposely obtuse. "Daniel's up at all hours, and Carter. . . ." With the unintentional utterance of her name, he stopped punching the bag, allowing it to collide with his body, nearly knocking him off his feet.

"It is because of MajorCarter that you are here at this time," Teal'c stated.

"Couldn't sleep," Jack shrugged. Looking up at the Jaffa, he added, "kinda hard just lying there waiting for the 'gate to 'ring' if you know what I mean."

"I do not."

Jack let out an exasperated sigh. "It was driving me nuts waiting for some word from Jacob, okay?"

"You believe he will not be successful in his efforts to convince the Tok'ra," Teal'c said.

"Let's just say I don't see them jumping at the chance to help us."

"And why would they need to propel themselves to assist us?"

"It's just a saying, Teal'c," Jack said, removing his headgear, swiping his forearm across his brow.

Teal'c stared at him, then said. "Would you like a partner to spar with, O'Neill?"

"Thanks, but it's not necessary. Just because I can't sleep doesn't mean you have to baby-sit me."

"I have rested, and I too find my thoughts on SamanthaCarter. Perhaps we both can concentrate on something else for a time."

Jack didn't buy Teal'c's explanation for a second, but he was grateful for his friend's efforts. "Get geared up."

Minutes later, Teal'c stood before Jack, gloved hands raised as Jack began to move around him.

"You are still very tense," Teal'c said as he took a swing at Jack, easily punching the man's jaw. "You are not thinking of this fight."

"Look, Teal'c, I'm all here, right now," he said lashing out with his right arm, missing his partner by several inches.

"It would appear as though I am correct," Teal'c said, the ghost of a smile twitching across his lips.

"Okay, so maybe I'm a little caught up wondering what's taking so _*damn long!*_" Jack said through gritted teeth, putting all his effort into a punch that again went wide as Teal'c sedately stepped backwards.

"Perhaps the delay is a good thing," Teal'c observed, hitting Jack squarely in the stomach.

"Whaddya mean?" he barely spoke as the wind was knocked out of him.

"A swift decision might not have been in our favor." Teal'c stood looking at his team leader. "O'Neill, are you well?"

"Great," he wheezed. "Fine. I think maybe I'm ready for a break."

"I think that would be most wise."

Jack took a seat on a bench, toweling perspiration from his face, panting as he clutched the terry cloth in his hand. At length, he asked, "Teal'c? What do you think our chances are? I mean finding Carter, providing we get some help from the Tok'ra."

Teal'c's head bent to the side as he contemplated his response. "It will not be easy. It has been several weeks and the trail may not be clear."

Jack merely nodded, knowing the odds were next to none they would find her.

"It will be difficult. However, I do not believe the task to be impossible."

Looking up, Jack clapped the big man on the shoulder. "Thanks, Teal'c I can always count on you for a straight answer." Just then the klaxons went off as the loudspeaker proclaimed an unscheduled incoming wormhole.

"Must be Jacob," Jack guessed. "Let's not keep the man waiting."

Jacob quickly descended the ramp from the Stargate; the iris closing behind him as Jack and Teal'c entered the embarkation room. Daniel and Hammond arrived seconds later, waiting for Jacob's announcement.

"So?" Jack asked as Jacob made his way toward their group. He didn't look particularly pleased.

"The council wasn't terribly receptive to the idea of using it's resources to search for one person," he said.

Jack threw up his hands. "I knew it! See?" he said, looking to the members of his team and Hammond. "Didn't I say this is what would happen?"

"Jack, if you'd let me finish," Jacob stated, surprisingly calm. "The _*council*_ said they couldn't spare any ships, but they said they wouldn't stop me or anyone who wanted to join me in a quest for Sam."

"Which means. . . ."

"Which means I've got a reconditioned Teltac and Aldwin in orbit." Before Hammond could ask, Jacob supplied, "a high enough orbit that it won't be detected."

Jack started to protest about the lack of manpower the Tok'ra had offered, but felt someone jabbing him in the ribs. Looking to his right, Jack saw Daniel almost imperceptibly shaking his head. Getting the message, Jack backed down.

"When do we leave?"

"As soon as you're ready," Jacob said. "Meet back here and Aldwin will use the transport rings to bring you on board."

"Sir?" Jack asked, looking to Hammond for confirmation.

Nodding, the general gave his assent. "You're free to go. And Colonel? Bring her home."

Jack swallowed. "Yes, sir. I won't come back without her." Scanning the room, Jack noticed their new fourth was missing. "Go get geared up," he addressed Daniel and Teal'c. "And someone call Harrison."

~15~

Sam woke up with something under her right cheek. Jack's chest, she realized. As she began to remember how she came to be there, she smiled, rubbing her cheek against the light matting of hair. Thinking he was still asleep, she was surprised to feel his fingers in her hair, gently caressing her scalp and playing with the strands.

"I thought you were still asleep," she mumbled.

"I was until you started thrashing around."

Sam sat up, staring him in the eyes. "I don't think a little snuggle constitutes thrashing."

Jack was smiling at her, no, it was more like beaming. She couldn't remember having seen such an expression on his face before. "Good morning, Mrs. O'Neill," he said, hugging her shoulders. For the first time since Hawaii, she truly felt like Mrs. O'Neill, and she couldn't contain the bubble of joy rising in her chest.

Moving up to kiss him, Sam grinned, "It's a particularly lovely morning, Mr. O'Neill."

"It's raining out," he said, looking over to the window.

"Is it? Oh. Well, it's lovely in here."

Jack's eyes were intense as he looked at her. "Yes, it certainly is."

Sam moved her leg up and down his, enjoying the feeling of their tangled limbs touching.

"You keep that up and we'll never get to breakfast," he growled, rolling her over so she lay beneath him.

"Any reason why we have to?"

"Have to what?"

"Get to breakfast!" She said slapping his arm.

"Sorry," he said, gazing down at her. "I guess I lost my train of thought." Lowering his head, he kissed her, a long erotic kiss that left no question in Sam's mind where Jack's thoughts were.

"Food is over rated," she mumbled, pulling his eager body closer.

Once more Sam was lying in Jack's arms, content to listen to him breathe. He'd dozed off again, as her hand gently smoothed over his stomach. The elation she felt seemed almost overwhelming, as if it were bursting to be released. Knowing she was probably safe with a confession while he slept, Sam quietly whispered,

"I love you, Jack."

Suddenly, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest stopped, as he held his breath. "Sam? Do you mean it?"

"I thought you were asleep!" she said, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks.

"I think maybe I am. Do you mean it?" he repeated.

Looking into his eyes, Sam found the courage to tell him the truth. "Yes, I do."

Jack still had a dazed expression on his face. "Say it again, Sam. I want to hear you say it."

Swallowing, but with eyes still locked on his, Sam said, "I love you, Jack."

"Oh, God, Sam!" he cried, pulling her even closer, nearly crushing her in his embrace. "I never thought I'd hear you say those words again!" Cupping her head with his hands, he began raining kisses all over her face. "I love you so much! I was so worried we'd never get back to where we were!"

Sam pulled back slightly. "Jack, I don't know that we're back to where we were. I know how I feel about you, but we didn't get here by the same route. I just don't want you to think I've been instantly cured or something."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Just that I don't want you to get your hopes up that everything is back the way you remember it. I'm still learning as I go, here. Just don't expect too much too soon, okay?"

"Hey, we're on the right path, that's all I ask for now." He pulled her closer again, refusing to let her leave his side. After a long period of silence, he asked, "Sam? We never really talk about the baby. Are you still having such a hard time accepting the fact we wanted it?"

Blowing out a breath, Sam thought about her response. "It still feels a little unreal to me," she admitted. "Although, after last night, I feel more like this is our baby." Taking his hand, she placed it on her abdomen. "I'm glad this is your baby, Jack."

He leaned forward, kissing her tenderly. "Thank you."

"For what?" she asked once he'd released her.

"For having our baby."

Sam reached up, caressing his stubbled cheek. "You know, if we get any more saccharine over this kid, I might just get sick."

"Not that again! At least you don't remember that," Jack said.

"Was it bad?"

"You really had Janet and I worried. You couldn't keep anything down. She kept threatening to put you on an IV but somehow you managed to keep _*something*_ in you because Doc relented."

"Yeah, can't say I'm sorry I missed that," she said snuggling up to him again. "Jack? Did we ever discuss names for the baby?"

"No, we kinda thought it might jinx something, especially when you were so sick."

"Have you thought about any?" she asked.

"No, not really. Sara picked out Charlie, after some uncle or something. I guess I've never really given it much thought. How about you?"

"Well, I didn't expect it to be something I had to consider while I was working at the SGC," she smiled. "I suppose if it's a girl, I'd like to name her after my mother."

"What if it's a boy?"

"Maybe Jake? Not Jacob because that would get confusing with Dad, but still named after him. Or maybe after your dad?"

Jack rubbed his hand along her arm. "Ah, no, I don't think so. Considering how we parted, I don't think I want a reminder of him."

Sam was tempted to ask why, but figured he'd already explained it to her at some point, and it probably didn't want to again. Sitting up, she leaned over him, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"Well, it's nothing we have to decide today." She started to get out of bed when Jack grabbed her hand.

"Where you going?"

"I need a shower," she said, tugging on his hand trying to get him to sit up. "Care to join me? I seem to recall I owe you at least one."

Jack practically jumped out of bed, chasing her into the bathroom. "Last one in makes breakfast!"

~16~

The rings deposited Jack and the rest of SG-1 in the cargo hold of an ancient Teltac. Looking around, Jack could see the rest of his team was as doubtful as he was.

"What a hunk of junk!" he cried, just as Jacob entered the bay.

"It's a ship. It can track. That's all we need."

"A little less corrosion would be nice," Jack said. "Or something that wasn't the proto type for the rest of the fleet!"

"Look, Jack, I told you I didn't have a lot of backing on this one. You got a better idea or a state-of-the-art ship stashed somewhere? If so, I'd love to know."

Jack backed down. "You're right, Jacob. I'm sorry. I'm grateful for any help you guys can give us."

Jacob dismissed him with a snort. "Welcome aboard."

Watching Jacob retreat to the bridge, Jack's gaze continued around the ship before he looked at Teal'c. "Think this thing will make hyper launch without losing a fender?"

"I do not believe Teltac's come equipped with something known as a 'fender,' O'Neill."

"Right."

Captain Harrison looked around the bay as well, his face showed curiosity, but none of the disappointment the rest of the team seemed to express. "I take it this isn't how one of these things usually looks?" he asked.

Jack removed his pack and P90, placing them in a corner. "Oh, the configuration is pretty much the same, but they usually come in a nicer color than rust."

"Jack," Daniel started out. "Maybe it would be a good thing to tone down the sarcasm a bit. I mean I know how you feel about the Tok'ra, but wouldn't it be better to just get on with the business at hand, which is finding Sam?"

"DanielJackson is correct. It is not necessary to over-compensate for you feelings of guilt where MajorCarter is concerned by lashing out at her father."

Jack looked back and forth between his two team mates. "Thank you, Daniel Freud, and Dr. Teal'c! I'll take your advice under advisement. Harrison? You got anything you'd like to add?"

"No, sir!"

"Good man."

Jack returned to the corner where he'd stashed his pack, taking a moment to calm down. He couldn't blame Daniel and Teal'c for being able to read him so well, but sometimes being so in sync with the original members of his team had it's drawbacks.

"We should probably get in there and give them a hand," he said quietly. Gratefully, no one saw fit to comment on his change of mood.

Aldwin looked up as the four men entered the command center. Bowing slightly to them he said, "It's good to see you again. I'm only sorry it has to be under these circumstances. The loss of Major Carter has been felt by us all."

Jack inclined his head slightly toward Aldwin, lips pressed tight. Every time someone mentioned Sam being missing he felt a knife twisting in his gut. He knew he was the one who let her get captured. Why did they have to keep reminding him? Pointing subtle, accusing fingers?

Clearing his throat, Jack said, "Well, the faster we move out, the faster we'll find her. Jacob? You have the co-ordinates to P2X-993?"

"They're locked in. It's probably going to be a long ride, even with hyper speed. You may want to settle in." Jack made a point of looking around the bare-bones structure of the command center. "There's some bunks on the other side of the cargo hold," Jacob told him.

"Ah. Well, you heard the man," Jack said, ushering his team from the room. Gregg happened to turn around just as the ship took off at light speed.

"Whoa!" he cried, grabbing a bulkhead as the ship lurched forward. "What was that?"

"Hyper launch," Teal'c supplied calmly. "We are now traveling faster than the speed of light."

Gregg's face was still frozen in a moment of wonder as he watched the streams of light passing the ship. "If you don't mind, sir, I'd like to stay here and watch."

Jack watched his eager, young face, so much like Carter's the first time she'd seen the wormhole, his chest began to ache. "Sure, knock yourself out. You know where to find us if you need us." Jack affectionately clapped him on the shoulder, shaking his head at the dazed expression Harrison wore.

It really was a crime to have become so jaded to space travel he was no longer awed by the beauty of it all. Sam never lost her wonder with it all, he thought. Neither did Daniel. How did they do that?

Settling on a hard bunk, Jack slung an arm over his head, hoping to block the light. He wasn't tired-he was too keyed up for that-but he also knew the value of getting rest when he had the opportunity. You never knew when you'd get another chance.

Teal'c had entered a state of Kel'no'reem and Daniel passed out almost as soon as he hit the bed. That was another thing he wondered about. Here he was, a hardened military man who'd slept more on the ground than in a bed, and yet it was Daniel who could sleep anywhere. But then again, archeological digs probably weren't noted for their comfort.

Jack tried to sleep for over an hour before he gave up, heading back to the bridge. Harrison was talking to Aldwin, getting a crash course in Teltac operations, leaving Jacob sitting on a low chair near a control panel. He looked up as Jack came to stand beside him.

"I thought you were getting some rest," Jacob stated.

Placing his thumb and forefinger over his eyes, squeezing gently, Jack shook his head. "I tried, but you know."

"Yeah, I do," Jacob sighed.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Jack scuffed his boot against the floor. His eyes seemed to be everywhere but on Jacob.

"Something on your mind, Jack?"

Jack fidgeted a bit more before turning his gaze to the older man. "Jacob, I'm sorry. Sorry I've been acting like an ass since you showed up, and most importantly, _*so*_ sorry I didn't get Sam home safe."

"Jack," Jacob said, standing to pace the small command center, "I have to admit, I was pretty pissed at you when I first heard the news. What were you _*thinking?* *Were* _you even thinking?"

Jack started to protest, but Jacob held up his hand, forestalling any defense Jack might have prepared. "Once I calmed down, I realized you'd done what you could. I know you Jack. You wouldn't have left her behind if you'd have had any other option. That doesn't mean I'm any less worried or upset this happened. I can try to look at it objectively, that she was a soldier who unfortunately was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But all I can see is my little girl, alone and scared somewhere, no matter how tough she is."

Jack felt his throat constricting. He knew the feeling, that totally scared and helpless feeling of knowing your child is in danger and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Well, there was something they could do about it, and this time he wasn't going to leave her. If it came down to a choice between her getting out or his dying, he was a dead man.

"You're really sorry about what happened, Jack? Then prove it. When we find her, I want you to follow my orders, you got that? No arguments! Selmac's been at this a hell of a lot longer than you or I and she knows what she's doing."

Jack nodded. He didn't like the thought the snake in Jacob's head was going to be dictating this mission, but then she couldn't mess up any worse than he had already, right?

Jack was about to comment when he was interrupted by Aldwin.

"We're picking up an ion trail."

Jacob moved next to Aldwin, touching a few buttons. "Looks like it was a single ship. Another Teltac. Anything in the data base to show us who it might be?"

"Not at this range. Maybe if we get closer. The trail's pretty faint, especially after all this time."

"Well, follow those bread crumbs!" Jack cried. Aldwin turned to look at him, eyebrows raised. "That Ian trail or whatever," he said waving his hand forward. "I'm gonna get Teal'c and Daniel."

~17~

Eros stood in the room with Psyche, looking down at the Tau'ri woman. She was in a state not unlike that of REM sleep, but instead of random images in her dreams, the events were orchestrated, logical, making her feel she was truly a part of what she saw. When Psyche first approached him about using this type of mind control with his enemies, Eros had been skeptical, but it had proven to be most effective. That is until now. Psyche's puzzlement didn't help matters.

"You still have not retrieved the information?" he said, the tone of his voice harsher than he'd wished.

"I believe she will trust Jack now. Your Elixir has proven very effective," she smiled. "Samantha has a very vivid imagination where sex is concerned. Perhaps she could teach us a few things." Psyche's eyes glittered at the prospect.

Replaying portions of Sam's manipulated memories, Eros found himself surprised. Looking down at the woman on the table, he wouldn't have thought she'd be so passionate. Perhaps he should consider keeping her for a time once he'd retrieved the secrets she held. He dropped the notion almost immediately. Not that the prospect wasn't enticing, but he wouldn't risk Psyche's jealousy over a Tau'ri woman.

"You must get her secrets soon," Eros insisted. I have received word Apophis is on the way."

"Apophis? But why now? Has he heard we possess the Tau'ri woman?"

"I do not know why he is coming. Perhaps he's found himself a new queen, and he's having as much trouble with her as he was with Ammounet. I will stall him as long as I can, but you _*must*_ get the information I need or I will not have the leverage for our demands."

"You will have it, my love, I promise."

~18~

Sam looked up as Jack sat down next to her on the sofa, handing her an album.

"What's this?"

"Pictures from our wedding. I thought maybe you might want to see them now." His expression was still a little hesitant, as if he was worried he was pushing her too far. She too wondered if she was ready to look at them, but she had to admit she was curious.

Opening the book she saw pictures of herself, Janet and Cassie getting ready, all laughing at some shared joke and all looking extremely happy. The next shot was Sam before a floor-length mirror, Jacob behind her, fastening a pearl necklace around her neck, looking extremely proud.

Sam's eyes started to fill with tears as she put a hand to her mouth to stop her trembling lips.

"Sam, honey? Are you all right?" Jack asked, sliding his arm around her shoulders. Sam lay her head on his chest, allowing him to hold her for a moment before she spoke.

"The necklace Dad's putting on me. It was my mother's. She said it would be mine when I got married, that her mother had given it to her, etc. I really don't know how far back it goes. I guess seeing him put it on me meant there was a part of her with me that day. I can't believe how much I still miss her."

Jack smoothed his hands over her hair. "It could be two years or two hundred you can still miss a person as if they'd died yesterday." Sam looked up at him, realizing he was thinking about Charlie. She knew this baby could never replace him-she didn't want it to-but she did hope it would ease some of the pain around his heart.

Wiping her eyes, Sam sat up and started looking at the book again. "The dress was nice," she commented.

"I would hope so!" Jack laughed. "Do you have any idea how many bridal shops you dragged Janet to looking for the right dress? She even came to me one night and said, 'Jack, I know you're retired, but is there any way you can just order Sam to buy a damn dress?' Nothing you looked at was right. You said it was too frilly, or too this, or not enough that. I think we all sent up a prayer when you finally decided on this one."

Sam smiled, knowing he probably wasn't exaggerating. Jack reached out, stroking the image with his finger.

"You were so beautiful that day," he sighed. "Not that you don't always look good," he quickly added, "but you were exceptional that day. You were a vision walking down the aisle, and I remember I wasn't breathing until Daniel nudged me in the ribs. I was so nervous, I thought my heart was going to leap from my chest. I barely remember the ceremony. Just some mumbled words, while I was lost in your eyes."

Sam stared at the pictures, feeling oddly cheated. He had actual memories of their wedding, where all she had was the pictures. Like a stranger on the outside, looking in. Paging through the rest of the photos, Sam found herself smiling. Many of their friends from the SGC had been with them, and there were pictures of her and Jack dancing with many of them. Besides Teal'c and Daniel, there was General Hammond, Sergeant Siler, Lieutenant. Simmons. Simmons was looking decidedly dejected, even though in other pictures he was dancing with another woman.

Jack leaned closer. "You and Hammond were sure cutting a rug," he said, tapping a photo in which her commanding officer was dipping her. Daniel said it was the talk of the complex for days."

Sam grinned, imagining the general just glaring at some airman who wouldn't let it drop.

"You know, speaking of Hammond, he called me yesterday."

"He did? When was this?"

"Well, I talked to him over at Daniel's. Guess there's some planet they've encountered that seems a bit militant and he wants my advice on how they should handle the situation."

"What's so special about the planet?" she asked, curiosity instantly piqued. "Is it worth all the hassle of dealing with a warring population?

"Reports have come back that there's a mother lode of naquada on this planet and it doesn't seem to have been discovered by the Goa'uld."

"Really?" Sam said, sitting up straighter. "Maybe I should talk to Janet, see if she'll take me off medical leave, I mean things are starting to get back to normal around here," she smiled, leaning over to kiss him.

"It's definitely feeling more like home," he agreed. "But I don't want you to push it, Sam. They've gotten along fine without you these past few weeks. A few more isn't going to make that much difference."

Sam slumped against the back of the sofa. "Way to make a girl feel wanted," she mumbled.

"Sam, you know what I mean. They've still been calling you daily to get your opinion on things. In fact, I'm wondering why Janet bothered to put you on leave at all. You might as well be there."

"Well, that's beside the point. What does Hammond want you to do?"

"Oh, you know, the usual, help co-ordinate the teams, brief them on strategy, that sort of thing. Hey, you know what would really help is if you could give me the latest updates on the SGC's resources, you know, if they've made any upgrades to the security systems, that sort of thing."

"Won't the general brief you on that when he sees you? I mean I've been out of the loop for a while here too, maybe they've implemented something I don't know about."

"Come on, Sam! You know more about how the place is run than Hammond! Not that he's not on top of things, but you know the ins and outs of the security system as well as he does. I just thought you could give me a little refresher course so I'm ready when I meet with him."

"What's the big deal? General Hammond isn't going to expect you to be up to speed on what's going on at the SGC when you've just been working there as a civilian consultant! In fact, if you _*do*_ know more than you're supposed to, it isn't going to take a rocket scientist to figure out who told you. I'd think you'd understand why I can't discuss this!"

Sam stood up, heading for the kitchen. Why did he keep questioning her? Besides, he was supposed to be planning an off-world offensive, not preparing for an invasion. Okay, maybe he needed to know what troops he had at his disposal, and how many soldiers it would take to adequately defend the base, but that's something Hammond would know and would tell him when they met. It was up to the general to decide how much information Jack got as a civilian, no matter what his former rank.

Sam was unloading the dishwasher when she felt more than heard Jack behind her.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to make you angry. I guess I just thought if I could really wow Hammond when I showed up, he might give me a few more assignments, ya know?"

Turning to face him, Sam placed her palm on his cheek. "I realize this is hard for you, Jack, especially when I'll be back to work soon and you're going to be left here. I know you say taking care of the baby is going to be enough, but I know you, and this can't be easy. If Hammond offered you more work. I know you'd take it. But you don't have to apply for the job! He's aware of what you can offer the SGC. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have called. There's no need to impress him."

"I suppose you're right," he said quietly, placing his hand over hers, holding it to his cheek. "It's just so damn frustrating being out of the loop like this! We get together with Daniel, Teal'c and that guy who took over for me, and as soon as I walk into the room, everyone shuts up because I'm 'the civilian.' Hammond gives me security clearance when I'm working on special projects, how come he can't give it to me all the time? Christ, I've been keeping this country's secrets for over half my life! Does he think I'm gonna start selling them now or something?"

Sam smiled and pulled him into a hug. "That's not the reason and you know it. This comes from higher up, and it's Standard Operating Procedure, which you also know. So, how about we talk about re-taking that honeymoon we missed out on before Janet returns me to active duty?"

"Got anything in mind?"

"Some place other than Maui?"

Jack slung his arm around her shoulders, leading her from the kitchen. "Just so it's warm. I still haven't seen you in that little black bikini. . . ."

~19~

Daniel was rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he stepped into the command center of the ship. "You find something?" he asked, blinking several times before replacing his glasses.

"We've picked up an ion trail, "Aldwin informed him.

"See? It's getting stronger," Harrison said, pointing to a grid displaying a fluctuating graph, obviously gaining in intensity.

Jack was impressed. The kid hadn't been watching Aldwin all that long, but he seemed to be picking up some of the basic elements of the display panels. Glancing at Daniel, he noted that he, too, was impressed with Harrison.

"Any idea who the ship belongs to?" Daniel asked.

"We haven't had a strong enough trail to get an energy signature," Aldwin said, "but I think we should soon; the ship was here more recently. Perhaps they stopped for a time because the concentration of particles just jumped."

Aldwin's fingers flew over the console, working in silence.

"So?" Jack asked, impatient to know who the mystery Goa'uld was.

". . .one more minute. . . Got it! It looks like. . ."

"Apophis," Teal'c finished for him. "I remember this ship. It was traded shortly before I left his service. Traded to the Goa'uld Eros."

"Eros, as in the God of Love? Cupid? Naked little guy with wings and a bow?"

Daniel looked up at Jack, eyebrows elevated in surprise. "You actually _*know*_ who Eros is?"

"Hey, I've sent a few valentines in my life!"

"Well, you're right about Cupid and Eros being the same god. Eros was the Greek version, usually considered to be the son of Aphrodite and Ares, Cupid being the Roman's name for him. But he was also was the god of mischief. While he's credited with making people fall in love, he also used his arrows to cause unrequited or mis-matched love, just to watch the outcome."

Daniel barely took a breath before he rushed on. "He carried arrows tipped with dove feathers to initiate desire, and arrows with owl feathers to incite discord. He's also a victim of his own desires. Aphrodite had become jealous of a mortal named Psyche because of her renowned beauty, and she sent Eros to make her fall in love with the ugliest man he could find. Eros saw her, instantly fell in love, and instead of following his mother's orders, kept her for himself. There's more to the story but that really isn't relevant right now."

Jack just stared at him, wondering what was relevant past the part about him being the God of Love. "So Romeo has Carter?" he asked, suddenly fearing she'd been subjected to indignities worse than beatings.

"I have just told you Eros possibly has MajorCarter," Teal'c spoke.

"Well, as Goa'ulds go, he's fairly benign," Jacob added hopefully.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked.

"He's a minor lord for one thing, and generally not interested in conquest or Goa'uld internal politics. Generally, he gets what he wants and needs from trade."

"Trade?" Daniel asked.

Jacob grinned. "You'd be surprised how valuable it is to possess the power to make someone fall in love with you."

"I concur," Teal'c added. "I have met this Eros."

All eyes turned toward Teal'c, but he didn't seem fazed by the sudden attention.

"A handsome guy like you?" Jack asked incredulously.

"I did not say I required his services," Teal'c said, looking down his nose at Jack. "It was when I was in the service of Apophis."

"Well, I can see why _*he*_ could use a little outside help. . . ." Jack said.

"Ammounet did not care for Apophis and she made it no secret."

Daniel cast a glance around at the other men in the room. "Well, when she was in Sha're she certainly didn't seem to have a problem with him."

"A testament to the power of Eros' Elixir," Teal'c said.

Jack turned to Daniel and whispered, "what happened to the arrows? I thought that was nice touch." Daniel just gave him an annoyed stare and asked,

"So, all of Apophis' planets and power didn't impress Ammounet?"

"At the time, no. But as you can imagine, being married to him changed her, that and the continued use of Eros' potion."

"So this stuff only lasts so long?" Jack asked.

"To ensure he had, as you would say, O'Neill, 'repeat customers,' Eros' potion lasts only a specified length of time. In which case, a new dose must be supplied."

"Corner on the 'Love Market,' huh? Smart kid," Jack commented.

Jacob asked the question Jack had been burning to. "Teal'c do you think Eros has used this potion on Sam?" They were all aware of the unasked question-had he forced her?

"I do not believe so, GeneralCarter. Eros is quite devoted to his companion, Psyche. I doubt he would have relations with another woman, nor do I believe she would allow it."

"Kind of possessive?" Jack asked.

"Indeed."

"Okay," Jacob said, moving closer to the navigation controls. "We've got an idea of who to look for, now we just need to know where. Teal'c? I don't remember hearing Eros had a base of operations on any planet, do you?"

"I do not. I know it was one of the things Eros was bargaining for the last time I accompanied Apophis to his ship. I believe he is rather nomadic and remains aboard his ship."

"Then what was he doing on P2X-Whatever?" Jack questioned.

"Checking out the neighborhood?" Harrison contributed for the first time.

"That is most likely," Teal'c agreed. "Perhaps it is why he had his Jaffa on the planet. No doubt, our appearance wasn't expected."

"And why they started shooting first, not even bothering to ask questions," Daniel supplied.

"Eros has Jaffa?" Aldwin asked, glancing over to Jacob.

"They are _*Shal'rak,*_" Teal'c told him.

"Working for the Elixir," Jacob theorized.

"That is my belief."

Jacob sighed, running a hand over his bald head. "Things just keep getting better and better, don't they?" he asked, giving Jack a wry grin. "Well, as I said, we know who, it's just a matter of where."

"Jacob," Aldwin said, drawing everyone's attention. "I've lost the ion trail."

~20~

Eros sat before the communication device, waiting for Apophis to contact him. Even though Psyche promised him the information he would need to bargain with the arrogant System Lord, he wasn't taking any chances. If he could keep knowledge of the Tau'ri woman secret, he would. Perhaps she would prove more valuable as a trade item than she'd proved as a source of information.

He'd been impressed with the strength of her mind. Others had given up their secrets long before this, and still she fought them. Once they had what they needed, perhaps he would let Psyche be the one to dispose of her. It would be a fitting reward for all the frustration she'd caused his lover.

Eros was roused from his thoughts as the communication device came to life. "My Lord, Apophis, what brings you to my ship? Have you need of my services once more?" Eros' smile was as stretched and insincere as the man whose image fluctuated before him.

"You have made it impossible for any of us to do without your services," Apophis said, his grin turning feral.

"Now that is not true," Eros returned, giving Apophis a smile that was almost the opposite of his savage one. "I have no control over love I have not, how shall I put it? 'Inspired?'"

"Do not try to charm me, Eros. We both know you exploit your abilities to get what you want. A trait I admire, I must add."

Eros dipped his head in acknowledgment of the back-handed compliment. "I assume this is not a social call," he stated.

Apophis straightened up in his overly-gilded throne, seemingly oblivious to the women clustered around him. "I find I am once again looking for a mate."

"It would seem you are not lacking for companionship, my Lord."

Apophis turned his gaze to the women around him. "They are a pleasant distraction, but not worthy of becoming my mate."

Eros really didn't care one way or another who was Apophis' chosen one, but the conversation was buying him some valuable time. "Do you have someone in mind?"

"I have one or two whom I feel are deserving of my affections," he said cryptically. "Shall we meet and discuss payment?"

"I would be honored to join you on your vessel," Eros said, hoping by keeping Apophis on his ship, he wouldn't learn of his extra passenger.

"And why is that, Eros? You always insist any dealings be done according to your rules, on your ship. Is there some reason you wish to keep me from coming aboard?"

Eros gave Apophis his most winning smile. "Of course not, my Lord. As such a _*generous*_ customer, I only wished to make the transaction easier for you. I await your pleasure."

"It is my pleasure that I join you on your ship," Apophis said, standing and wrapping a cape around him with a flourish. I shall join you momentarily."

~21~

"What do you mean you've lost the trail?" Jack cried, rushing over to the console where Aldwin stood. "You just had it a minute ago!"

"It is still there, but it has become confused with the ionization trails of many ships. Apparently this is a heavily traveled area of space."

"Well, can't you filter it out or something?"

"Jack," Jacob said, looking up from his seat at the navigation panel, "it's like sifting through a beach looking for a specific grain of sand. It's going to take some time."

"Jacob! How can you be so calm about this? Each minute we sit here, Captain Erotica drags Sam light years away!"

Jacob looked up, eyes flashing. "Colonel O'Neill, Jacob is _*very*_ aware of the consequences involved, without you pointing them out to him. He is quite concerned about Samantha and your comments are not helping improve the situation."

Jack started to speak, but closed his mouth, fighting the urge to make some sarcastic remark to the snake. He honestly didn't know how Jacob did it. Besides having another voice in your head, Selmac seemed so. . .condescending. It would bug the living crap right out of him.

When Jacob spoke again, his voice had lost the deep echo. "Sorry about that. Selmac's a bit over-protective sometimes."

Jack ran a hand through his short hair. "Well, I'm sorry too, Jacob. I know you're doing your best, but this is so damn frustrating!"

Everyone else seemed to have something to do. Daniel was talking to Teal'c about what he remembered of Eros and Psyche. Even Harrison was helping Aldwin sort through the analysis of the ion trails on the ship's computer. Jack was out of his element. He needed to be physically doing something rather than waiting for some damn machine to point the way to their target.

"I think I'm going to check our weapons," Jack said, knowing full well they'd been inspected twice before they'd left Earth. He was just about to the doors leading to the cargo bay when he heard Harrison cry,

"I think I've found something! Aldwin, isn't that the same energy signature we were following before?"

The Tok'ra checked the eager captain's findings, a smile coming to his face. "Captain Harrison is right. It would appear Eros was deliberately trying to mask his trail. First by coming to this area of space, then entering the nebula," he said, pointing to cloud of dust nearly filling the view screen. "I'm almost certain once we clear the nebula, we'll find a stronger trail once more."

"Follow that course," Jacob ordered. "There must be some reason he's trying to hide. A person who makes his living off trade seldom makes himself inaccessible."

"Unless he happens to have some 'cargo' he's trying to hide," Jack added.

Jacob looked up at Jack. "I think it's a safe bet to say he's got Sam. Or at least he did have at one point."

"Let's hope he still does," Jack said, trying to still his restless hands by crossing his arms across his chest. "If he's sold her to someone, I don't think there's a chance in Hell we'll find her."

~22~

Eros watched as Apophis entered his receiving room, strutting and waving his cloak behind him as if he were performing for an audience. _*He must be disappointed it's only me and a few Jaffa,*_ Eros thought to himself.

Apophis glanced around the rather spartan room, leveling his gaze on the young man seated on a cushioned divan. "I would have thought with the compensation you demand for your potion, you wouldn't lead such an austere existence, Eros."

"Some of us don't need to surround ourselves with gilded trappings to feel noble," Eros said, feeling confident he had something Apophis wanted more than a means of keeping a mate interested in him.

"You have grown bold," Apophis said, taking a seat on a lesser lounge a Jaffa had provided him with. "Perhaps you are not in need of what I have to offer?"

"And what would that be? Empty promises? You assured me the planet of Nylor was mine in exchange for Ammounet's eternal love, and yet when I arrived there, I found only your Jaffa waiting on a desert planet. At least I did not come away empty handed," Eros said, nodding to the warriors in the room. Clearly they used to belong to Apophis.

"You did not specify what _*type*_ of planet you desired," Apophis said evenly. "Is it not the burden of the bargainer to know what he is bargaining for? Besides, it would seem Ammounet's love was not as 'eternal' as I thought."

"If she came to an untimely demise, is that my fault? While she was alive, I kept my end of the deal."

Apophis sighed. "I grow weary of this conversation. You know what I want. Name your price."

Eros stood, strolling around his receiving room. "I want a planet from which I can base my operation. Something centrally located, easily accessible to all who seek my assistance, something that is more hospitable than Nylor. In every way. Plus, my usual fee, of course."

"The impetuousness of youth," Apophis said with a false smile. "What makes you think I will pay such an exorbitant price?"

"Because I have something you want almost as much as the love of a new mate."

~23~

As Aldwin had predicted, once the Teltac was clear of the nebula, the ion trail was easily picked up once more.

Jack felt himself getting more and more restless as adrenaline started to course though his veins. They were close, he felt it. Sam was on that ship. He was sure of it. He had to be-there was no other option.

"Jack," Daniel said, stopping him with an outstretched arm as he made his third pass around the command center. "Breaking the record for the most laps around a Teltac isn't helping."

"Well, I can't just stand here waiting for Aldwin to follow the yellow brick road!" Jack scrubbed his hands over his face and blew out a breath. "Look, Daniel, I'm sorry. Even though we got lucky with this whole bread crumb thing, I can't help feeling we're too late, that somehow were going to just miss her by minutes or something!"

"Jack, it's been nearly three weeks. I don't think another hour or two is going to make a difference one way or another. Hey, I miss her too, so does Teal'c. This isn't all on you, you know."

Jack turned sad eyes to Daniel. "Yeah, it is. I'm the one who left her. You guys didn't do that. Me. I did it. If we don't get her back, this is on my head."

Daniel threw up his hands in exasperation. "Sure, Jack. Fine. Whatever. Take all the blame yourself. Oh, and while you're at it? You might want to take responsibility for telling Hammond we needed to check out P2X-993 in the first place. And those Jaffa who greeted us at the 'gate? I'm sure they were your fault as well."

"Okay! All right! I get your point!"

"Do you, Jack? If that's the case then stop wallowing in this well of self-pity you've created, because you couldn't help what happened to Sam any more than Teal'c or I could."

With that Daniel strode to the other side of the command center, leaving Jack feeling like a chastised child. Looking up, he noticed Jacob's eyes on him. He didn't say anything, but Jack could see he agreed with Daniel. Maybe he was playing the martyr, but it was the only way he could reconcile the guilt that wouldn't leave him.

"The particles are becoming more concentrated," Aldwin announced, pulling Jack from his dark thoughts. "I'm picking up the ship on long range scanners. We should have a visual in a just a minute."

Tense seconds ticked by as the five men waited to see what they'd been tracking for nearly a day.

"It is indeed the ship Apophis traded to Eros," Teal'c confirmed.

As they neared the ship, it became evident there was another, larger vessel close to Eros'.

"Tell me that's not who I think it is," Jack said, slapping his forehead with the heel of his hand.

"For what reason would we lie to you, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked. Jack looked up at the puzzled Jaffa, almost grateful for the naive question to break the tension that had settled over the bridge. Before anyone could answer him, Jacob intervened.

"This complicates matters. If Apophis is aware Eros has Sam, he may be working on a trade agreement even as we speak. We're going to have to move fast if we expect to get her back."

"And just how do we do that?" Jack asked. "Just transport over there and start knocking on doors? It's a big ship; Sam could be anywhere and as you pointed out, we probably don't have a lot of time."

Jacob stood, crossing to a storage cabinet where he retrieved a hand held device. "This is a naquada detector. Anise developed it as a sensor to keep track of the Goa'uld while we're on missions."

"Figures Anise would have come up with it," Jack mumbled.

"Why is that, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.

"Oh, you know. She seems to have a thing for _*detection*_ devices." Jack's gaze met Teal'c's knowing he'd understood his underlying meaning. "Jacob, if this thing picks up the naquada in Goa'ulds, doesn't it pick it up in the Tok'ra using it?"

"That's already been compensated for, and before you ask, yes, it'll still work if unblended Humans use them."

"Cool. We'll take a gross."

Jacob chuckled at Jack's enthusiasm. "Nice try, but they're still in the experimental stage."

"Okay, so we'll take the demo."

Ignoring Jack's comments, Jacob continued. "The detectors have to be used short range. We won't know until we're on Eros' ship if Sam's there."

"It's our best shot," Jack said. "I don't know where else we'd even try to look." Daniel was nodding his head and Teal'c added,

"I concur."

Jack looked over at Harrison who merely shrugged his shoulders. "This is your area, not mine. Let's do it."

Jacob's head dipped as Selmac took over. "Jacob and I will join you, while Aldwin stays with the ship. We're cloaked and in position to use the rings. Gather your gear and prepare for transport."

Jack felt his hands tightening into fists as Selmac issued orders. Orders he should have been giving. But he'd promised Jacob he wouldn't argue with Selmac when it came to be crunch time, and he intended to keep his word. It was the least he could do to try and make it up to him for leaving Sam. The other way would be to get her back, and he didn't plan on disappointing him. If that meant letting Selmac control the mission, so be it.

Geared up and waiting for instruction, the team gathered in the area of the transport rings. Jacob/Selmac carried a crude map, outlining the configuration of Eros' ship.

"I know you're probably aware of the lay-out of the type of ship Eros' has, but for Captain Harrison's sake, bear with me," Jacob said. Rolling the map out on the floor, he gave Harrison a quick overview of what to expect, pointing out key rooms.

"This room here," he said, pointing to a small area off the private quarters, "is probably where they would hold Sam. I'm guessing they'd want to keep her close by in case she tried to escape." Looking up, Jacob directed his attention to Teal'c and Daniel.

"Teal'c, you and Dr. Jackson will provide back-up for Jack. I think it would be easier if one man tries to enter where she's being held. I also need the two of you to keep an eye on Eros and Apophis. I'm assuming they're conducting business as we speak, so hopefully they won't even notice we've transported aboard."

"Eros would most likely be discussing arrangements with Apophis here," Teal'c said, pointing to what would be a larger room some distance from the personal quarters.

"Good," Jacob said. "Now all we have to do is worry about where Psyche is."

"Would she not be attending Eros? In the past, she was always by his side."

"Well, let's hope she sticks to her MO," Daniel added. "Although, if Sam's a captive, Psyche might be guarding her."

"If she is, I'll take care of her," Jack said, patting his jacket, making sure the zat he'd hid was still there. "Where you gonna be?" he asked Jacob.

"Captain Harrison and I are going to knock out the ship's engines. I'm sure it won't take them long to discover Sam's disappearance, and I don't think I have to tell you a ship like Eros' could easily overtake a 'vintage' ship like this one. We're going to need some extra help getting away."

"What about Apophis? Won't he come after us in his ship?" Daniel asked.

"If the exchange for MajorCarter has not taken place, I doubt Apophis will involve himself in Eros' fight. He has no interest in helping him. He only tolerates Eros out of necessity," Teal'c informed them.

"Wait a second," Daniel said, waving his hands to halt the conversation. "Aren't we forgetting something? I mean we're going on the assumption Eros actually _*has*_ Sam. What if he doesn't?"

"Then we still disable his ship and get the hell out of there," Jack said. "We're wasting valuable time, here. Jacob, Selmac, can't we just get on with this before Apophis _*does*_ get his hands on Sam?"

Jacob nodded, handing Jack and Teal'c naquada detectors. "Sam is barely going to register on these, considering she doesn't have the same amount of naquada in her system. The weak signal is how you'll identify her. Everybody clear on their role?"

"About as clear as I ever am," Daniel muttered, standing with the other men inside the transport area.

Jack clapped him on the shoulder. "Daniel! Where's your sense of adventure?" Daniel's retort died on his lips as Jack felt the energy of the rings pass through his body. He hated this part. Entering a void that was neither one place or another, but somewhere in between. It wasn't the same as when he entered the 'gate. He couldn't explain the difference, but there was something about the transport rings that was more unsettling than 'gate travel. Carter could tell him why. Once he had her safe on Jacob's ship, it would be the first thing he asked her.

~24~

Apophis looked up at Eros. "What is it you feel I need as much as the love of a mate?"

Pausing for effect, Eros said. "Information."

"Information?" Apophis laughed. "I have many sources for information. I'm sure you have nothing new to offer me."

"What about information of the Tau'ri's defenses?" Eros couldn't help but smile at the reaction his words caused in Apophis. Trying to hide his eager expression, Apophis attempted nonchalance. P "How is it you've come to have this intelligence?"

"I have my sources as well." Just then Psyche entered the receiving room, rushing over to Eros to whisper in his ear.

"I have tried everything, my love, but still Samantha will not tell me what she knows. Perhaps if you can stall Apophis a bit longer. . ."

"He will not wait!" Eros hissed.

Apophis appeared next to the couple. "I hope I am not interrupting anything, but I wished to pay my respects to your lovely companion." Picking up Psyche's hand, Apophis leaned over it, touching her knuckles to his forehead. "Psyche, my dear, it is always a pleasure to see you."

Psyche gave Apophis a tight smile. "My Lord."

"I do believe you become lovelier every time I see you."

Eros felt his jealousy rising. He knew he had to allow Apophis to fawn over his lover to keep him in a receptive mood. That didn't mean he had to like it. "Perhaps we could discuss the additional payment?"

Apophis feigned boredom. "Must you always be all business, Eros? Especially in the company of such a lovely woman?"

"I assumed you wished to be on your way as soon as possible, my Lord. I was only hoping to not delay you further with idle talk."

"I see," Apophis said, circling Psyche looking her up and down as if she were on an auction block. "So you no longer wish to bargain with knowledge of the Tau'ri? I do not believe you have anything. It was only a bluff to raise the fee you wish to extract from me."

"That is not true. Come, sit and I'll tell you what I know of the Tau'ri."

"I have grown weary of your subterfuge, Eros. I came here for the means to secure a new mate, and I believe I have found her." Suddenly, Apophis' hand clamped over Psyche's wrist holding her as he nodded to his Jaffa to take her.

"Eros!" she cried, trying to free herself from Apophis' grip.

Instantly, Eros was back on his feet, grabbing a staff weapon from one of his own Jaffa, leveling it at Apophis. "Release her."

Apophis seemed unruffled by Eros' display. "Try anything and your lovely Psyche will suffer the consequences."

Looking into her pleading eyes, Eros knew he had but one option left. "I have a better choice for your mate."

"Really, Eros, I do tire of these games. Take her back to the ship!" he ordered.

"Wait! I have the Tau'ri woman!"

Apophis stopped, turning around slowly. "I have many Tau'ri women."

"But I have the one you want above all others. The one belonging to the group that calls themselves SG-1."

Apophis' eyes flared, jaw clenching. "Bring her to me," he demanded.

"Release Psyche and she is yours."

"When I have the Tau'ri woman, you shall have yours."

Eros nodded to a Jaffa closest to the door. "Bring the woman."

~25~

The transport rings deposited the five men in a corridor about halfway between Eros' receiving room and the room Jacob felt they were holding Sam. Turning on his detection device, Jack noted there were several strong naquada readings, and one very faint one. She was here! That had to be her making the blip on the screen! Giving an inward sigh of relief, he silently showed everyone the slight reading. Jacob nodded, giving them a hand signal to move out.

Jack watched Teal'c and Daniel step around a corner, as he clung to the walls himself, making his way in the opposite direction. Holding the naquada detector before him like a homing device, he noted the reading was getting stronger. He had to be close.

Things were quiet, he noted. Almost too quiet. Shouldn't there be an occasional Jaffa making the rounds of the hallways? Perhaps Eros didn't have any to spare when there was a deal going down. At any rate, he didn't care why he hadn't met with any resistance; he happily took his luck where he could get it.

From Jacob's crude map, he realized he was outside Eros' and Psyche's personal quarters. Although, just looking at the change in decor in this section of hallway was clue enough. What was it with snake heads and gaudy, anyway? The next chamber was the one Selmac thought might be where they were holding Sam.

Looking at the device in his hand, the readings didn't seem any stronger. And there was only her signature. Wouldn't there be a guard on her? Trying the door anyway, Jack burst through, pistol gripped in his right hand as he steadied it with his left. The room was empty. There was no sign Sam had ever occupied the space. They had to be holding her someplace else.

Jack fiddled with the controls on the detector, imagining the reprimand he'd get if Selmac caught him playing with the device. He must have hit on the right combination, because now he was sensing her and a stronger presence. Probably the Jaffa guarding her.

Moving further down the hallway, Jack used his scope to peer around the corner. Yup. There he was, big and ugly, but did they come in any other model? He pulled his zat from his jacket, ready to fire the moment he stepped around the corner.

"Hey!" he called, startling the Jaffa into turning in his direction, giving him a larger target. Jack squeezed off a single shot, watching the man crumble to the floor as the electrical current flowed over his body. Jack closed the distance between himself and his quarry, disarming him as he passed into the room he'd been securing.

It looked like some kind of lab, reminding him slightly of the cryogenic chambers on Hathor's ship. Jack felt an involuntary shiver run down his back at the memory. This looked like the type of place they might have held Sam, but where was she?

Searching the dim room, Jack noticed the shape of a body on what might have been a table or gurney behind a curtain. He moved quickly, yanking the material away to reveal Sam, in some type of clothing resembling medical scrubs with a Tok'ra memory device attached to her temple.

"Damn," he muttered as he moved closer. All this time they'd been probing her mind, looking for secrets. Obviously they hadn't gotten what they wanted, otherwise she wouldn't still be hooked up to that thing. Looking up for the first time, Jack noticed what memories Sam was reliving. On the thought-screen were images of her locked in a passionate embrace with some guy, who looked awfully familiar. . . .

"Whoa! Carter! Little more than I needed to know there!" Jack exclaimed, when he realized what he was seeing was not only Sam in the throes of passion, but himself as well, giving as much as he was receiving. For a few moments all he could do was stare in morbid fascination as the couple on the screen exchanged endearments, moans and sighs. He simply stood, blinking at the images before him, wondering if these were really the kind of fantasies she had. Suddenly realizing the intensely private nature of her thoughts, Jack turned his back to the screen, embarrassed he'd been watching as long as he had.

Leaning over her, he tried to rouse her. "Carter! Sam! Wake up! It's me, Jack!" He had his hands on both her shoulders, shaking her gently, then with more force when she remained unresponsive.

Sam's eyelids fluttered. "Jack?" she questioned sleepily. "Where did you go?" Sliding her hands around his neck, she wound her fingers into his hair, pulling his head down to kiss him, stealing his breath. "I missed you," she smiled lazily.

Jack stiffened in shock, pulling away from her embrace. "Well, I, uh, missed you, too, Carter. We better get you out of here, though," he whispered, feeling flustered. What the hell had gotten into her? She'd never been so informal with him! And she certainly never would have kissed him like _*that*_ just because she was relieved to be rescued!

"I like it here in bed just fine," she said, reaching for him again.

"Carter!" he yelped, startled by her strange behavior. "Ah, look, maybe it's being hooked up to this alien mind thingy. I'm gonna disconnect you and then we'll get out of here, okay?"

Sam's face wore a puzzled frown, then went slack as Jack removed the thin wire from the device on her temple.

"Carter? Sam, you okay?" he asked, seeing her body go completely limp as if she'd passed out.

"Shit," he swore, realizing he was going to have to carry her. Gently, he picked her up, hoping he wasn't doing some kind of damage by trying to move her in this state. It's not like he had a lot of choice, he reasoned. Shifting her over his shoulder, he couldn't help but notice how thin she'd gotten and he felt his anger rise once more, wondering what kind of torture they'd put her through. She didn't appear to have any injuries, but there were worse ways to hurt a person than physically. Still, Sam was one of the strongest people he knew. She was going to be all right. He had to believe that.

~26~

Daniel and Teal'c stood on opposite sides of the doorway to the reception room, listening to the conversation within.

"Really, Eros, I do tire of these games. Take her back to the ship!" Daniel recognized Apophis' voice and felt his hands clenching into fists as he stood helpless. He looked at Teal'c who held up a cautionary hand.

"Wait! I have the Tau'ri woman!" Then Sam was here! Daniel thought. At least they were on the right track.

"I have many Tau'ri women."

"But I have the one you want above all others. The one belonging to the group that calls themselves SG-1." Daniel's jaw set, as his gaze met Teal'c's.

"Bring her to me." At Apophis' words, both Daniel and Teal'c readied their weapons. They were going to have to stop whomever came through that door if they were going to buy Jack some time to find Sam.

Teal'c signaled him to hold his fire until the Jaffa were some distance from the receiving room. Daniel surmised it was to keep Apophis and Eros from realizing too quickly the warriors hadn't reached their destination.

Daniel debated whether or not to call Jack on the radio. He knew his contact might distract Jack at a crucial moment, but he couldn't risk more Jaffa intercepting him before he found Sam. He knew Jack had his earpiece in, so he spoke quietly into his radio's microphone.

"Jack, Eros has just sent some Jaffa to bring Sam to the receiving room. Apophis has Psyche, and Eros is going to trade Sam for her. We got the two Jaffa Eros sent from here, but there might be more coming from your end."

"Roger that," Jack's whispered voice came over Daniel's earpiece. "I've got Sam, but she's out cold. It's going to take me a little longer than I thought to get back to the transport area. Call Jacob and find out how they're doing. I want to get off this ship now!"

"We'll rendezvous with Jacob and Harrison and then cover you until you're at the transport site."

"Affirmative," Jack answered an then the radio went dead.

Switching frequencies, Daniel radioed Jacob. "Jacob! Jack's got Sam, how much longer until you're done?"

"Almost there," Jacob answered with a grunt, obviously struggling with something. Daniel heard him order Harrison to complete some task, but he couldn't make out what the command was.

"Jacob, Eros has sent his Jaffa to retrieve Sam. He's going to trade her to Apophis. We got the first two, but it won't take long before they're discovered. You have to hurry!"

"You and Teal'c make your way to Jack. We'll be there as soon as we can. If you get to the transport area, I want you to get Sam out of here. Don't worry about us. We'll make it back on our own if we have to. Just get Sam off this ship!"

"I promise, Jacob, but we're not leaving without you!"

Selmac's voice in his ear startled Daniel. "Do not argue Dr. Jackson! You agreed to follow my direction, now do it!"

"We'll meet you in the corridor we were transported to," was all Daniel would say. Just then four Jaffa rounded the corner and began firing on them.

"DanielJackson!" Teal'c cried, "how many more are there?"

Daniel fumbled with Anise's detector. "According to this there's about six more on the way. It's hard to tell when they're moving so fast!"

"We must retreat!" Teal'c called.

"But Teal'c!"

"Do not challenge me, DanielJackson! I know another way to the level we seek!"

Daniel squeezed off a few shots of his zat before running down the hall behind Teal'c who'd turned and covered him with his staff weapon. Slamming his palm against a panel on the wall, Teal'c caused a force shield to come between them and the attacking Jaffa.

"It will not hold for long," Teal'c warned as he continued running down the hallway until he reached a maintenance access tube. "If we follow this, it will eventually take us to the lower levels of the ship. From there we can meet up with O'Neill and MajorCarter."

It was a tight fit for Daniel, causing him to wonder how Teal'c managed to maneuver his bulk through the confined space. It always amazed him how agile Teal'c was for his size.

Teal'c dropped out of the tube, clearing the way for Daniel who was surprised to find the hallway empty. Now that he thought about it, there had been no alarm sounded yet. Had the Jaffa they encountered simply been bad timing and Eros didn't know they were on the ship yet?

Even as the thought came to his mind, alarms started going off and he heard orders issued all over the ship intruders were on board. Daniel wished he could see the look on the Goa'uld's faces when they realized just _*who*_ the trespassers were.

Daniel saw Jack running down the hallway, moving slower than usual as he carried Sam. Out of breath, Jack barely managed to speak.

"Jaffa. Lots of them. They'll. . .be here. . .any second. Call. . .Aldwin. Get Sam. . . ."

Jack didn't need to finish his sentence as Daniel was already signaling their cloaked ship. Jack lay Sam down in the ring's transport area, stepping back to avoid transporting along with her.

"Jacob? Harrison?"

"On their way," Daniel told him.

"They probably have encountered some resistance as well," Teal'c added.

Jack was doubled over, hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. "Ya think?"

"You two, go with Sam, I'll wait for Jacob and Harrison."

"That is not a wise course of action, O'Neill." Just then the Jaffa that had been pursuing Jack began to fire on them.

"Take cover!" Jack called, then shouting into his radio he yelled, "Aldwin! What the hell is taking so long? Get Sam out of here!"

The transport rings appeared as he spoke, staff weapon fire glancing off the force field surrounding the rings. Daniel saw the tension in Jack's shoulders relax for a second before he focused once more on the task at hand.

They fired on the Jaffa with a combination of weapons-staff, zat and P90, but still they kept coming. Jack caught a shot from a staff on his right bicep, causing him to cry out in pain, and redoubling his efforts to take out what Jaffa he could.

"I thought you said Jacob and Harrison were almost through!" he shouted at Daniel.

"That's what Jacob said!" Daniel yelled back, ducking out to fire at a Jaffa who'd decided to make a suicide run and die in a blaze of glory. God he hated this part of the job! He knew it was kill or be killed, but every life he took, he felt a piece of himself chipping away. He wondered how Jack and Teal'c had any part of their souls left.

Before his morbid thoughts could take control of his actions, Daniel heard zat blasts and gunfire coming from behind the Jaffa who were shooting at them. It had to be Harrison and Jacob! Well, they'd made it that far, the last hundred yards couldn't be any more difficult. With the additional assault on their flank, the Jaffa began to retreat down a side corridor, giving Jacob and Harrison a narrow window to join their comrades down the hall.

"Daniel!" Jack yelled. "Call up the ship and get those rings ready to go! As soon as they make it over here I wanna be outta here!"

Aldwin confirmed he was ready to transport and Jack signaled to Harrison and Jacob to make a run for it. They were almost to the transport area when Jacob took a hit from a staff weapon in his thigh, sending him crashing to the floor. Daniel was about to run out to him, but Jack beat him to the punch. Together with Captain Harrison, Jack managed to drag the wounded Tok'ra to the transport area, as the rings cascaded around the four of them.

~27~

Eros paced as he waited for his warriors to bring the Tau'ri woman. It wasn't how he planned to use her, but he hadn't anticipated Apophis' deceit. Why had he even allowed him near Psyche? He'd seen the lust in his eyes when he looked at her; he should have realized the excuse of wanting his potion was only a means of gaining access to his ship and to her!

Eros cast Psyche reassuring glances as Apophis' Jaffa held her captive. What was taking them so long? He would have went for the Tau'ri himself if it hadn't meant leaving Psyche alone with Apophis! The thought turned his blood cold. Not that he thought Apophis would abuse her-he seemed to have plans for her that didn't include hurting her. But humiliating her? Degrading her? He wouldn't put it past Apophis using her as a way to strike back at him.

True, he over-charged for his Elixir, but he was no real threat to Apophis, and he could easily afford the price he charged. Well, no matter. He may lose his advantage over Apophis by surrendering the Tau'ri woman, but it was a small price to pay to keep Psyche safe.

"My Lord," Eros' First Prime called, momentarily drawing his thoughts away from Psyche's fate. "The Tau'ri woman. She's gone."

"Gone? That is not possible! She has been under Psyche's control since she's been here! Find her!"

The First Prime bowed his head. "Several Jaffa are also unaccounted for, my Lord."

Apophis began to chuckle. "It would appear you too have been made a laughing stock by the members of the Tau'ri team. They may be only Humans, but they can be resourceful."

"Check for any nearby ships. No doubt they are using some type of cloaking device. They must be in league with the Tok'ra," Eros surmised. "The Tau'ri do not have the technology to have done this on their own."

"I will see to it, my Lord."

Alarms began to sound throughout the ship, but Apophis seemed unaffected by the news. "It would seem you have nothing to offer me after all, Eros. But do not trouble yourself finding the Tau'ri woman on my account. I have what I came for. Take her away," he ordered his Jaffa.

"No!" Eros cried. "She is still somewhere aboard and I _*will*_ find her!"

"It truly is no concern of mine," Apophis answered. I came for a mate, and I now have one. Although I would have enjoyed bending the Tau'ri woman to my will, Psyche will be an enjoyable challenge as well."

"Eros! My love! You must not let him remove me!"

"Apophis, please," Eros found himself pleading. "Do not take her from me!"

"Your devotion to each other is most commendable," Apophis said. "But the next time she calls out a name, it shall be mine as I make love to her."

Eros couldn't believe how helpless he felt. With no Jaffa in the room he had no way to stop Apophis from taking Psyche from him. Why had he sent both his guards to procure one woman?

"We shall be leaving you," Apophis announced. "Perhaps when you find the Tau'ri woman she would make you an adequate mate?"

Apophis swept from the room dragging the sobbing Psyche with him. "I won't let him touch me, my love! I will always be yours!"

Eros started to follow her, but Apophis' Jaffa held him at bay. "I will get you back!" Eros called out to her. "Live for that day!"

Apophis left his ship, as several of Eros' Jaffa arrived. Staring at the two remaining Serpent Guards, Eros' eyes were emotionless. "Kill them," he ordered.

Eros' First Prime ran into the room as the third zat shot was delivered to Apophis' Jaffa. "My Lord, I'm afraid I have bad news."

Eros chuckled bitterly. "What could be worse than the loss of my only love?"

"The Tau'ri have escaped. And they have damaged our ship. Pursuit is impossible."

Eros turned cold eyes to the leader of his Jaffa. "Make the necessary repairs. They think they have won a victory over me this day, but they will see, in the end it will be I who has won."

~28~

The men collapsed in a heap as the transport rings deposited them on the deck of the cargo bay. Sam was still unconscious, lying on the floor, just outside of the transport area. Getting to their feet, most of them were checking for injuries, but Jack was at Sam's side in an instant, confirming she was still breathing. Sitting back on the floor, Jack ran a hand through his hair, giving an audible sigh of relief, realizing for the first time his upper arm hurt like hell.

Jacob, too, was on the floor, unable to stand. Teal'c and Harrison were helping him to an upright position.

"Let's get him to that cot," Gregg said, nodding to the closest bunk.

"Sam?" Jacob croaked out.

"She's still out of it," Jack informed him, "but I think she's okay."

A slight smile crossed Jacob's face as he allowed the men to lift him from the floor. "Good."

Jack looked up as Aldwin entered the cargo bay. "Took you long enough," he barked, wincing as he moved his arm, attempting to stand himself.

Aldwin calmly stared at him, unaffected by his words as he pushed Jack back to the floor. "You are injured. It would appear Jacob is as well, I'll get the healing device."

"You might want to take it a little easy on him," Daniel said. "It was pretty tricky trying to transport us with the cloaking shield activated."

Jack mumbled something under his breath as he changed the subject. "Help me get her to a bed." He tried again to stand, but his arm was practically useless.

"We've got her," Daniel said, motioning to Teal'c, who, with Daniel seemed to effortlessly lift Sam onto a bed near her father. "You think she's okay? She looks awfully pale."

Jack watched Daniel touching Sam's face, feeling his stomach tighten. Daniel had every right to touch her, to see if she was all right, but Jack couldn't help wishing he was the one crouched next to her bunk. Even now he was aware he had to keep his distance from her, to show concern, but not as much as he wanted to. He was almost grateful the staff burn on his arm was preventing him from sweeping Sam into a hug and never letting go.

"She feels kind of warm," Daniel said. "It seems kind of odd with her pallor."

Jack was at a loss to explain her condition. "I wish Fraiser was here."

"Maybe we should have brought her along," Daniel said.

"I thought about asking, but Hammond had bent the rules about as far as he was going to letting us go. Speaking of which, we should contact him, let him know the situation."

"I'll do it," Gregg volunteered.

Jack gave him a small smile, nodding his permission. Now that he had Sam back, he didn't feel quite as uncomfortable around the young captain. His resemblance to Carter didn't seem to bother him as much as it had a day ago, and he was thankful. The kid didn't deserve his sour attitude, just because Jack had a problem with equating him with Sam.

Aldwin crossed over to Jacob, holding a healing device over the bleeding gash on his left thigh. He was speaking in low tones to Selmac in Goa'uld, and Jack couldn't understand their conversation. It was just as well, he figured, besides his wound, they were probably discussing what a jerk he'd been.

He hadn't meant to be so short with Aldwin, he had, after all, saved their asses, but he was still worried about Sam. How come she was still unconscious? And what about that "memory" she was having? He was going to have to ask Jacob about that. Well, not about _*what*_ he'd seen but how it was he was he'd seen it.

Jack's thoughts were interrupted by Aldwin tapping him on the shoulder, gesturing to see his arm.

"How's Jacob?" he asked, feeling a little awkward around him after Daniel pointed out how rude he'd been to the man.

"He will be fine. What the healing device was not able to correct, Selmac will be able to repair. He is lucky to have a symbiote."

"Right."

"You do not care much for the Tok'ra, do you Colonel O'Neill?" Aldwin asked, moving the hand-held technology over his scorched arm. Even as he prepared what he hoped was a non-committal answer, Jack felt the pain receding.

"You guys have been pretty handy today," he acknowledged. Swallowing and lowering his voice, Jack continued. "Aldwin, about earlier. . . ."

"It is forgotten. We are all concerned about Samantha."

Jack gave him an appreciative nod, relieved he hadn't made him articulate his apology. "About Sam, you know why she hasn't woken up?"

Aldwin turned his head in the direction of Sam's bed. "The memory device takes a lot of energy from a body. I believe she will sleep for sometime in order to regain her strength."

Again Jack simply nodded. "Any sign Eros is following us?"

"Not yet. Jacob did a good job disabling his ship."

"Yeah, I'm glad he's on our side. I'm glad you're both on our side," Jack added.

"Believe it or not, the rest of the Tok'ra are on your side as well."

Jack gave a derisive snort. "_*That*_ was evident by all the help they sent. Not to belittle your help or anything."

"I know what you mean, O'Neill, but I wish to remind you, in the greater scheme of things, Samantha is but one person. It is hardly a wise action to commit a large force for one person, no matter how important they might be personally."

Jack's head shot up at Aldwin's implication, but he remained silent as the Tok'ra continued. "Did not your own ruling body decree the search for Samantha too costly to expend more effort in finding her?"

Jack's mouth was moving, but little or nothing coherent was coming out. He couldn't hardly argue with Aldwin when the man was right. It was only because of Hammond's own personal ties he'd allowed them the chance to rescue Sam. Fortunately, the gamble had paid off.

"You're right, Aldwin. I can't really fault your people when our own were ready to give up on her."

"But you and her friends did not, and that is what is important," Aldwin said with a smile, clapping Jack on the shoulder before he walked away. Just then, Daniel walked up next to him. Looking between Aldwin and Jack, he gave him a puzzled look.

"What was _*that*_ all about? I mean the last time you were in the same room together I thought you were going to go for his jugular."

"A little healing on a couple fronts," Jack said, showing Daniel his repaired arm.

"Nice. Can he do anything for Sam?"

Jack sighed, flexing his arm, testing his range of motion. "Apparently she just needs to sleep. I wish she'd wake up, though, just so I. . .we knew she was okay." If Daniel noticed his slip, he didn't say anything.

"What happened when you found her?"

Immediately Jack's mind went back to the kiss Sam had given him and he felt his face growing warm. "Is it hot in here?"

"Um, no. Normal temperature."

"Well, you know how the Tok'ra like it so damn hot. . . ."

"Jack, Sam?"

"Right. Well, she wasn't in the place Jacob thought she'd be."

"So, how did you find her?"

Jack leaned closer to Daniel, whispering. "Don't tell Jacob, but I kind of 'fiddled' with his little Goa'uld Gameboy until I found her pattern again."

"Jack! You could have totally lost her signal! You shouldn't mess with stuff you don't understand!"

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" Jack reacted defensively. It was perfectly fine for him and Carter to mess with alien technology but he couldn't go near it?

Daniel tried to get the subject back on track. "So you found her. Where were they holding her?"

"Some place that looked like a lab. Actually, the whole place sort of reminded me of Hathor's ship, you know when they froze us?"

Daniel gave a little shudder. "Not a good memory."

"Well, it's not one of my favorites, I can tell you. I came just a _*little*_ too close to being a snake head for life for my liking." Jack sat up a little further, straightening out his legs; his knees were killing him. "At any rate, I saw this figure behind a curtain, and when I looked, it was Carter, hooked up to one of those memory screen thingies."

"So, they were fishing for information, and there wasn't a damn thing Sam could have done to stop it," Daniel said, his voice sounding angry.

"Well, she managed to avoid giving Apophis what he wanted when we were on Netu, I don't think she would have been any more co-operative this time around."

"But that was one night!" Daniel protested. "She's been gone for over three weeks!"

"I don't think she gave them anything they could really use," Jack insisted. "There's no evidence an invasion is on the way. And why would she be alive if they'd gotten what they wanted from her?"

"Well, even if Eros _*did*_ get the information he wanted, that doesn't mean he would killer her. Sam is a beautiful woman after all. . . ."

Jack felt the knot beginning to form in his stomach once more. Of course Daniel would have noticed she was beautiful-it was a little hard not to! And the better a person knew Sam, the more they would see her beauty went beyond the physical. Daniel knew her as well as he did-maybe even better on some levels. Did he have a reason for feeling jealous? Jack tried to think of all the times he'd seen them together. True, they were good friends, but he'd never felt threatened by Daniel. His imagination had probably just kicked into overdrive as a side effect of coming down off an adrenaline high.

"I thought you told me Eros didn't look at other women."

Daniel shrugged. "He didn't have to want her for himself. Maybe he was selling her to Apophis. Could be why he was there."

Jack had to repress a feeling of dread. It would have been one thing for Sam to have been traded to another Goa'uld, but the thought of her with Apophis turned his blood cold. All he could do was whisper another silent prayer of thanks they'd reached her in time.

"So what happened?" Daniel asked.

"Huh?"

"When you found Sam, what happened? She wake up at all?"

"She, uh, woke up for a minute," Jack said, not meeting Daniel's eyes.

"So, was she happy to see you?"

"Oh, yeah, you might say that."

Daniel's features were distorted with a puzzled look. "Why do you say it like that?"

Forcing himself to meet Daniel's gaze, Jack said, "She kissed me."

"Well, if I'd been a prisoner for over three weeks I probably would have kissed you too!"

"Not like that, I hope!" Daniel raised his eyebrows waiting for him to elaborate. Embarrassed once more, Jack said, "she grabbed my head and kissed me. I mean _*really*_ kissed me."

Jack could see Daniel was trying to keep a huge grin from forming on his face. "Well, I've said it before, but it bears repeating-you poor man!"

"It wasn't like that! She didn't know what the hell she was talking about or doing!"

"So, why are you so flustered? If she's not going to remember it when she wakes up, what's the big deal?"

Daniel's words brought to mind another forgotten kiss. Forgotten by Sam, at any rate. True, he didn't worry about her remembering his kiss in the control room of the SGC, but this was different. That kiss had been erased by time. This one could be remembered at any moment.

"What if she does remember it?" Jack asked.

"So you laugh about it," Daniel said. "I would think _*you*_ could get a lot of mileage out of this one! After we got back from P3X-595 I didn't think you were ever going to let up on her."

That was different, Jack thought. That was harmless flirting. If she'd kissed him like that back then, he probably _*would*_ have laughed it off and teased her to no end. But now? Now every touch seemed illicit. A guilty pleasure to be savored. He couldn't make fun of her kissing him, no matter how uncomfortable it made him to tell Daniel what happened, because he'd enjoyed it. And if he wouldn't have been so shocked, he might have found himself kissing her back. . . .

"You're right. I'm sure we'll all have a good laugh over this some day. Might even be some ammunition for blackmail if I need it," Jack smiled, hoping Daniel didn't mention it to Sam. Like so many things that had happened between them in the last few months, it was something better left unsaid.

~29~

Jacob was groggy, but it wasn't unexpected. Even with the advantages of the healing device and Selmac, there was something about a serious injury that still knocked the stuffing right out of him.

_*You're not as young as you used to be,*_ he heard Selmac tease. _*But then again, neither am I. Just don't push yourself too hard and I'll have you good as new, or old as the case may be!*_

Jacob felt a smile creep across his face as he half-chuckled at Selmac. There was just no way to describe what it was like communicating to another life form within yourself. Fortunately, on Vorash, he didn't have to. When he was among un-blended Humans, though, it was a different story. He always felt he had to apologize for the odd quirks in his behavior. Again, he was grateful for the relative quiet of the cargo bay. Those who weren't resting were in the command center, still monitoring this area of space for signs they were being followed.

He'd woken from time to time, and each time he'd opened his eyes, he noticed Jack hadn't left Sam's side. Oh, it was nothing overt. First he was sitting against the bulkhead near her bed, the next time he was lying on the floor near her bunk, sleeping from all appearances. Even though there was a perfectly comfortable bed a few feet away, he chose not to let her out of his sight.

Jacob smiled at Jack's devotion to his daughter, but it worried him at the same time. He wasn't blind to the fact they were attracted to each other, but he was too much of an old soldier to simply overlook the obstacles they faced both being career military.

_*He cares about her*_ he heard Selmac comment in his head.

_*A lot more than he's supposed to,*_ Jacob answered.

_*Do all Tau'ri have such silly rules?*_

If it was possible for Jacob to mentally sigh, he would have. _*Selmac, you know the answer to that. You're in my head now!*_

_*I also know you struggle with how to deal with this. There is the part of you who admires Colonel O'Neill, who thinks he's not a bad choice for Samantha. But then there is the side of you that clings to your military training. You must decide what is more important in the greater scheme of things.*_

_*You know what I think doesn't make a damn bit of difference! It's their lives and their careers. And it is their decision.*_

_*But it would help Samantha to know you don't out-right disapprove of her choice, either.*_

_*Maybe. Or perhaps it will just make things that much more difficult for her.*_

Before Jacob's internal conversation could continue, Jack sat up, rubbing his eyes, checking on Sam even before he was fully awake. It was almost painful for Jacob to watch. Perhaps he should let the other man know he wasn't alone with Sam.

"How's she doing?" he asked, his voice a little stronger than it had been a few hours ago.

Jack looked up, shaking his head slightly. "She's still out. How're you doing?"

"Oh, a little tired, I guess, but Selmac tells me I'm no worse for wear."

The ghost of a smile flickered across Jack's lips as he turned his attention back to Sam. Still watching her, he asked,

"How come she doesn't wake up? The last time she was hooked up to one of those memory device things she wasn't unconscious."

"They had her hooked up to a memory device?"

"Ah, ya. I guess you missed out on the recap I gave Daniel." Jack told Jacob the pertinent highlights of Sam's rescue, and again wondered aloud why she was still unresponsive.

"Did you shut down the device before disconnecting her?"

"I didn't exactly have time to go looking for an off switch!"

"Well, you probably couldn't have shut it down even if you had. It's kind of a complicated process when the user is attached to a thought-screen."

"I didn't hurt her, did I?"

"No, but I suspect it's the reason she's not waking up. She's in a form of stasis, similar to a coma, but it's not dangerous for short term."

"Jacob?" Jack asked, "the memory device, it can't make things up, can it?"

"I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"The stuff that shows up on the screen, it has to be from something a person's experienced, right?"

"Yes. The device stimulates the portion of the brain where memory is stored by increasing the release of certain chemicals for one thing. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason. Just curious. So, no fantasies or anything? Just stuff that has actually happened, right?"

"Jack, it can't make up what isn't there! Although, I have heard of theoretically using the mechanism for recreational purposes. Live out your fondest dreams, that sort of thing."

"The Tok'ra been working on that?"

"Actually, it was Anise who suggested the possibility, but I don't think she's had a chance to test her theories." Jack nodded, a frown creasing his forehead before changing the subject once more.

"So, don't you guys have something you can wake her with? The interface is still in her head. Can't you deactivate it with that little pen thingy?"

"I think it would be safest if we wait until she's back in the infirmary. That way if there's any complications, Dr. Fraiser will be on hand."

"It could be dangerous?" Jacob noted the worry in Jack's voice.

"Any time there is something to do with a person's mind it's dangerous," Jacob said. He reached out and touched Jack's arm reassuringly. "I'm sure Sam's going to be all right."

Jack gave him a quirky grin. "Hey, aren't I the one who's supposed to be reassuring you?"

"You can the next time," Jacob said, his eyelids feeling heavy. "Selmac's pushing for me to rest. Wake me if I hit the snooze alarm too many times."

~30~

Sam woke to the sound of incessant beeping. _*It sounds like the infirmary,*_ she thought to herself, but there would be no reason for her to be in the infirmary, unless. . . . Instantly her hands moved to her abdomen. It was flat. Not rounded, filling out almost daily as it had been. Sam's hands started to shake, as she felt the scream welling within her throat. Not the baby! Dear, God, not the baby!

"Janet!" she wailed, tears streaming from her eyes as she sobbed uncontrollably. She heard the sound of running feet, then soothing hands brushing away her tears as the reassuring voice of her friend tried to calm her.

"Shhh, Sam! It's okay, you're at the SGC, you're home."

Sam opened her eyes for the first time, noting the worried look on Janet's face. Oh, God! It was true! Janet wouldn't look so distraught if she hadn't lost the baby!

"Janet," Sam managed through the tears that were choking off her ability to speak. "What happened?" Sam watched her look up, exchanging glances with someone across the bed from her. Turning her head slightly, Sam saw Jack, Daniel, Teal'c, her father and General Hammond, all lining her bedside. At Hammond's nod, Janet said,

"Honey, you were captured on P2X-993 about three weeks ago and we just got you back today. Colonel O'Neill and the rest of your team, along with your father and Aldwin rescued you."

Sam tried to cover her face with her hands, but her left was practically immobile with IV tubes attached. _*No!*_ her mind screamed, this couldn't be happening! P2X-993 was over two years ago! Jack proved it to her! Everything was twisted and she was struggling to make sense of it.

"No," she said, tears still flowing freely. "That's not possible. Jack told me all about how I died there two years ago."

Everyone around her bed looked stunned, especially Jack whose head popped up at the mention of his name. Jacob was about to speak when Sam turned once more.

"Janet, please! What happened to my baby?"

Janet blinked, her eyes impossibly wide. "B...baby?" Casting looks to the men in the room again before she answered, Janet picked up Sam's hand. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"For cryin' out loud, Janet! My baby! What. . .what happened to it?"

Janet was struggling to find words to answer her, but was at a loss. Looking over at Jack, Sam's eyes filled with tears once more.

"Oh, God, Jack! Was there an accident? Did I fall? I'm sorry, I'm _*so*_ sorry!" She was clutching at his BDU's, hand twisted in the material covering his chest. His hand closed over her's as he looked helplessly at Janet.

"Why won't someone tell me what happened?" Sam screamed. Janet was reaching for a syringe, injecting something into her IV line that soon had her feeling drowsy. She didn't want to sleep! She wanted answers! Why wouldn't they talk to her?"

~31~

Janet looked at the shocked faces of the men surrounding Sam's bed. "Do any of you know what that was about?"

"Not a clue," Daniel said, as wide-eyed as Janet had been moments before.

Jack stood with Sam's hand still pressed to his chest, even though the sedative had made her arm slack. As if he suddenly realized he was clutching her hand, he placed her arm by her side.

"Colonel?" Janet asked, "you said she woke up for a minute when you disconnected the memory device. Did she give you any indication what she might be talking about?"

Jack looked down, shuffling his feet. "Nope, no idea, Doc." Janet didn't quite buy it, but perhaps it was something he'd talk about in private. She looked to each of the men in turn who seemed equally puzzled.

"I'm going to need to run some more tests, obviously. Jacob? Colonel? I'd like you to let me take a look at your injuries." Before they could start to protest, Janet added, "I realize you've both had the advantages of the healing device, but humor me, okay?" Jacob and Jack exchanged exasperated looks, but Janet added extra enticement. "You'll both see Sam the minute she wakes up."

"Where do ya want me, Doc?" Jack asked, removing his outer shirt, still sporting scorch marks and blood from his encounter with a staff weapon.

"That bed over there will be just fine," Janet said, pointing to her left. "Jacob, I'll take a look at you over here. First I'm going to conduct some tests on Sam." As she began to turn away, Jacob stopped her.

"Janet, she mentioned a baby. I know it's only been three weeks, but is there a possibility? I mean would she know that soon? Or is this something that might have happened before she left on that last mission?" Janet didn't miss the glance he sent Jack's way before quickly looking in another direction.

"It's the first thing I'll check," she said, patting him on the arm.

Janet had to admit, at the first mention of a baby her thoughts, too, turned to the colonel, but she couldn't believe either of them would breach the regulations like that. True, she was in the room when they confessed their unprofessional feelings for each other, but that didn't mean they hopped into the first bed they found. In fact, she knew how difficult it had been for Sam lately, working so closely with him. Wondering if every innocent comment and gesture was now looked at from a different point of view. Not only by her commanding officer but her team mates as well. Although nothing official had been mentioned to Daniel, Janet was sure he was aware of the tension between his two colleagues; they were too close-knit a group for him not to notice.

Jack was probably having the same difficulties Sam was, she realized, making her heart ache doubly for him when he'd been the one to leave her on the planet. In the long run, perhaps it was better he _*had*_ been the one. Not that she'd wish that kind of guilt on anyone, but if someone else had left her behind, Jack would have dismembered them with his bare hands.

Tests were run, and still Jacob and Jack found excuses not to leave the infirmary until the results were returned, even though she'd given both men a clean bill of health. While they were waiting, Janet took the opportunity to pull the colonel aside, asking him questions still preying on her mind.

"Colonel? When I asked you earlier if you had any idea about the baby, you seemed a bit nervous, like you knew something, but didn't want to say anything in front of the others."

Jack tensed. "I got nothing to hide, Doc."

"I didn't say you did, sir, I was just wondering if there was something you might have left out when you found Sam . . . ."

Jack looked over his shoulder toward Jacob, who seemed to be absorbed in one of the old magazines by the chairs of the waiting area. "Well, it's not really much, I just saw part of one of her memories."

Janet waited for him to continue. When he didn't, she prompted, "go on."

"It was kind of personal, if you know what I mean."

"Actually, I don't."

Jack sighed, raking a hand through his already disheveled hair. "She, ah, was remembering, um, making love to someone." He said the last part in such a rush, Janet had to think about the words for a moment. "Once I realized what I was seeing, I turned away, I mean it was a _*little*_ too personal for me to be watching, ya know?" Jack winced, as if the memory was painful. In fact, Janet reasoned it probably was difficult for Jack to see Sam in bed with another man, even if it was some guy from her past.

"Well, that doesn't help much, but thanks anyway, Colonel." She turned away, but his voice stopped her.

"Janet? Jacob told me the memory device only brings memories to the surface, but I think the one they used on Sam could bring fantasies to the surface as well."

Janet stopped, turning to face him. "Why do you say that?"

"The guy Sam was with? It was me, and I _*swear*_ we've never been together."

"I believe you, sir." And she did. Sam would have mentioned _*something*_ to her if she'd lost the battle she was waging against her feelings for Jack. Something wasn't adding up, and it was left to her to find out what happened to Sam on that ship.

~32~

Sam fought the effects of the sedative Janet had given her. She'd known the second she'd seen the needle pierce the gasket in her IV line what the doctor had been doing. Hadn't she been in this room enough times to know the routine by now? The pull of the drug had been strong, but her need for answers stronger. Out of some sense of morbid need, Sam moved her hand to her stomach once more, fighting the urge to burst into tears again when she didn't feel her baby.

What could possibly have happened? The last thing she remembered was making love to Jack. Could they have done something to hurt the baby? It was early enough in her pregnancy she'd been assured it was safe, otherwise she would have fought her attraction to her husband.

God, Jack! How in the world was she going to face him, knowing somehow she'd lost their child? What if the baby was the only reason he'd married her? Out of a sense of duty? To do the right thing? Sam mentally shook herself. No. Jack loved her. Even before the baby, even when they were still working together she felt he loved her. She wasn't going to lose him as well. But how was she going to tell him? What if Janet was telling him now? She should be the one to tell him, no matter how difficult it was.

"Janet. . . ." Sam's voice sounded thick to her own ears, no doubt it was even more slurred in reality. It took a moment, but then Sam felt a hand on her arm.

"Sam? You're supposed to be resting."

"I know," she said, her tongue feeling like it had swelled to twice its normal size. "Don't say anything more to Jack about the baby. . . ."

"O. . kay. You shouldn't be awake, you need to rest," Janet repeated. Sam watched her reach for another syringe but she stopped her.

"Please, Janet. Don't give me any more drugs. I just want some answers."

Janet looked indecisive. "Well, as long as you take it easy, I won't give you any more. Besides, I have a few questions of my own." Her warm smile reassured Sam, but did nothing to take away the ache she felt from the knowledge her life had changed drastically once more.

"Janet, how did I lose the baby?" Sam could see the difference in Janet's features as her professional side kicked in.

"Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but there isn't a baby. There never was."

Sam struggled against the IV lines as well as the sedative. "Janet, how can you sit there and tell me that? You've been my doctor since I found out I was pregnant! You did the ultra-sound!"

"Sam, I've never performed any tests for pregnancy on you, other than today, and they've all come back negative. You are not, nor have you ever been pregnant."

"No! That's not possible! When Jack and I returned from our honeymoon in Maui you gave me a complete physical, including a pre-natal exam. Jack was there for most of the tests! Ask him!"

Janet stared at her in open-mouth shock. "Married? Sam, you and Colonel O'Neill. . ."

"For Christ's sake, Janet, you were my Maid of Honor! You're going to tell me you don't remember that? I saw the pictures! Look, I know _*my*_ memory has been affected since Maui, but yours hasn't! And why is Dad here? Did you call him when I lost the baby?"

"Sam, you're not making any sense! It's probably the drugs, in a few hours when the effects have worn off. . ."

"No! It's not the drugs, it's you! Everything is all crazy again!" Sam scrubbed a hand through her hair, muttering to herself. "I can't believe this is happening again!"

"Again?"

Sam took a deep breath. "I know you know this, but I guess I have to tell you anyway. When I was with Jack on our honeymoon, I woke up having lost two years because of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from when I died on P2X-993."

"Died? The Goa'uld used a sarcophagus on you?"

Sam was confused. "Goa'uld? What are you talking about? I died here, in your operating room! I was clinically dead for five minutes! I don't know how, but somehow you managed to bring me back, at least that's what Jack told me. I don't actually remember the event."

"Well, that makes two of us," Janet said. "Sam, you've had a lot of close calls over the years, but I've never called a time of death. I don't think I'd forget something like that."

Sam's brow furrowed. "Why would Jack lie to me? He had no reason to."

"Maybe he didn't. Maybe it was someone else who's been lying to you." Janet held up a small circular piece of metal that resembled a thumbtack. "You had a memory device attached to you when the guys found you."

"What do you mean when the guys found me?" The more she questioned Janet, the more confused she became, even as the drugs were wearing off.

"Sam, I told you. You've been missing for over three weeks. There was a fire fight with a band of Jaffa on '993 and you were captured. With the help of your father and Aldwin, SG-1 rescued you off a Goa'uld ship."

Sam couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips. "Oh, come on, Janet! Jack and I haven't been anywhere further than our own backyard in weeks! You've had me on medical leave for the past two months because I've been dealing with the fact I'd lost two years of my life."

"Let me ask you something. What year do you think it is?"

"It's 2003. July. I don't know the exact date."

"Sam," Janet said gently. "It's May, 2001. Your mission to P2X-993 was on April 18th. Three and a half weeks ago."

"I know our mission to the planet was in April," Sam sighed. "I wrote the proposal. It doesn't change the fact I lost about two years of my life. I _*know*_ it's 2003, I checked to make sure when we got back from Maui because at the time I was questioning what Jack had told me."

Janet walked to her desk, pulling out a calendar. Retuning to Sam's bedside, she held the wire-bound pages out to her. "What does the year say?"

"I can read, Janet! Just because you have an old calendar hanging around is not going to convince me! What I don't understand, is why you're doing this!" Sam said, voice cracking as she struggled not to cry.

"Everything is crazy and now I've lost my baby too. Janet, I don't know how much more of this I can take." Sam's eyes filled with tears once more as she grasped her friends hand.

"You really should get some rest," Janet said, blinking back tears of her own. "We'll talk some more later, okay?"

"Sure," she said, wiping the moisture from her eyes. "Is Jack here? I. . .I need to talk to him."

Janet started to protest once more, then merely nodded. "I'll get him."

~33~

Jack was next to Sam's bed in a flash once Fraiser had given him clearance. "Hey, Carter, how ya doin'? You really gave us a scare you know."

"Carter? Jack, it's been ages since you called me that." Jack looked up, his eyes meeting those of the doctor's. Had she just called him by his first name again? He'd thought earlier it had been some kind of slip, but this time she was clearly choosing to call him by name.

"Well, ah, _*Sam,*_ you still gave us quite a scare," he reiterated. Jack noticed her lower lip was starting to tremble as her eyes filled with tears. The sight was wrenching his heart, and he couldn't help his hand from reaching out to brush away the tears running down her cheek.

"Oh, Jack, I'm _*so*_ sorry!" she sobbed.

"Sorry? For what? God, I'm the one who's sorry! I'm the one who got you captured!"

Sam rushed on as if she hadn't even heard the words he'd spoken.

"I'm sorry I didn't keep our baby safe! I don't know what happened! And Janet won't tell me! All she keeps going on about is how I was captured and spent the last three weeks on some Goa'uld ship! That's crazy! Tell her we've just been at home! Make her tell you how I lost the baby! I don't know why she won't tell me!" Sam wailed, twisting her hand in his shirt once more. Jack was at a complete loss, unable to form words even if he knew what to say.

"God, Jack, I love you so much! You know I wouldn't take any risks when it came to our baby! Tell me you believe me!"

The word "love" hit him straight in the gut. Of course he knew she had feelings for him and was attracted to him, but love? Hell, he wasn't sure he could handle hearing this right now, especially after the guilt he continued to feel. Looking up, Jack noticed Janet had left the room and he was alone with Sam. Fortunately, no one else had heard her confession. Nothing like committing professional suicide in the very place she _*shouldn't*_ be saying those words!

And a _*baby?*_ Sam thought she was having his baby? He couldn't figure out how in the hell had she gotten _*that*_ notion. Although, the thought did warm him for a moment before he realized she was confessing she'd lost the same child. The anguish on her face was tearing his heart out. Even though there was obviously no baby, Sam believed there had been, and she was mourning its loss.

"I believe you, Sam. I know you'd never do anything to hurt your. . .our baby." The words came out stilted, unsure if he was helping or harming her by playing into her delusions.

"Hold me, Jack," she pleaded, her large blue eyes piercing him to the core. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't deny her when she was so obviously upset. Surely Hammond would overlook this infraction of the regulations under the circumstances. Awkwardly, he pulled her into his arms, mindful of the tubes attached to the back of her hand.

Sam settled into his embrace as if she belonged there, wrapping her free arm around him so tightly he was having difficulty breathing. Of course it had nothing to do with the fact he was reacting to having her in his arms, he told himself.

"I love you," she whispered in his ear, almost as if she were prompting a similar response from him. He wanted to say the words, to reassure her, but it wasn't the time nor the place. The best he could do for her was to utter,

"Me too." She seemed to accept the token offering as he felt her relax in his embrace. Brushing the hair back from her face, he lay her gently back on the bed. "You need to get some sleep." When she started to protest, he promised, "I'll talk to Janet and get your answers."

"Thank you, Jack. I knew you would." She was asleep, almost as the words left her mouth. If only they could all get some answers.

~34~

Jack sat in the briefing room, waiting for the others to arrive. They hadn't had a full de-briefing since they'd gone immediately to the infirmary upon returning from the ship. Discussion about the mission was long over-due. He probably should have hit the showers first, he realized, but he hadn't wanted to leave Sam. Jacob was with her now, and Jack wondered if she was still asleep or if she'd woken and asked him about the baby. Rubbing his hands over his stubbled face, he wondered how Jacob would handle the bit of news of _*who's*_ baby she thought she'd lost. Or how Hammond, for that matter, would receive the news. The whole thing felt intensely private to him and he couldn't imagine anything more mortifying than having your colleagues know your fantasies, much less discussing them.

Jack looked up from his doodling as Daniel and Teal'c entered the room. Teal'c inclined his head in acknowledgment as he took a seat at the far end of the table, as Daniel sat across from him. It wasn't until the two men had taken their places that Jack realized how, more often or not, Sam sat next to him. When had their lives become so inter-twined, the rest of his team automatically left the seat next to Jack for her? A part of him felt uneasy Daniel and Teal'c instinctively deferred to Sam, and another part was glad, that on most levels, his feelings for her really hadn't disrupted the group.

"Did you talk to Sam?" Daniel asked, pulling himself closer to the table.

"A little. She was still pretty out of it. You know, with those drugs Doc gave her and all."

Daniel's eyebrows raised. "Did she say something else? I mean, what was the deal with the baby?"

Jack shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I'm not sure what's up with that. She seems to think she was pregnant for some reason."

"Kind of a weird way to torture a person," Daniel said.

"Yeah, well, they're Goa'ulds, what can ya say?" Further conversation was halted as Hammond, Jacob and Harrison entered the room. Jack was about to get to his feet when the general waved him down.

"Don't get up. We'll start when Dr. Fraiser gets here." Gregg took a seat next to Daniel, as Jacob sat next to Jack. Hammond was pulling an extra chair over to the table as Janet entered the room.

"Thank you all for being so prompt," the general started, bringing the meeting to order. "I know you're tired, so let's get started." Hammond asked the usual questions: how the mission went, what events led to Jacob and Jack being injured, and if there should be any concern about renewed Goa'uld aggression.

Daniel told the general basically the same story of Eros and Psyche he'd told the others on the ship, and Jack found his attention wandering. Looking over at Jacob, he noticed how worried the man seemed. He couldn't say he blamed him. If his daughter was in the infirmary spouting tales of a life she hadn't lived, he'd be concerned too.

Daniel finished up his lecture on Greek love gods as Jack managed to pull his focus back onto the meeting.

"Colonel? You have anything to add about this mission?"

"No, sir, only that it went better than I expected, and I believe that was due to the involvement of the Tok'ra." Every head in the room to face him. "What? A guy can't give out a compliment once without everyone thinking he's lost his mind?"

"Speaking of losing their mind, I think I have some interesting observations for you," Janet said, as she stood to pass out folders to the occupants of the room. "Inside you'll find copies of Major Carter's test results. Other than being a little underweight, basically, she's healthy." Once everyone had a folder, Janet took her seat once more.

"I'm sure the question most prevalent in everyone's mind is Sam's claim that she's lost a baby."

Gregg Harrison's head shot up, looking at the occupants of the room. "Major Carter was pregnant?"

"Not really," Jack was quick to add. "She just thinks she was, right, Doc?"

"As I've told Sam, I've run every test I know. There is no way she was pregnant. I even took into account hysterical pregnancy, and there's no evidence of that either."

"So why'd Sam think she was having a baby?" Daniel asked.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out," Janet said. "It's not only the baby she seems to be having delusions over." She shuffled her papers, casting Jack a nervous glance before adding, "she also seems to think she's married to Colonel O'Neill."

"What?" Hammond cried, leveling a hard stare at Jack.

Jack held up his hands in mock self-defense. "General, I swear I've never been anywhere _*near*_ Vegas!"

Ignoring Jack's flippant response, Hammond asked, "any idea why Major Carter would be having these delusions?"

"The only clue I have is the Tok'ra memory device that was attached to Sam when she was brought to me."

"DoctorFraiser," Teal'c spoke up, "may I see the device?" Janet passed it down the table, allowing everyone a look at the tiny piece of technology. Teal'c studied it from many angles before handing it to Jacob. "It appears as though the mechanism has been altered."

Jacob examined the device as well. "You're right. It has been changed, although I'm not sure what the alterations have done to it." Jacob passed it to Jack who gave it a cursory glance before handing it to Hammond.

"I'd say they've been using it to plant memories," Jack said, looking at Jacob. "Didn't you tell me Anise was talking about the possibility?"

"The possibility, yes, but as far as I know there's been no practical application."

"Looks like there is now," Daniel said.

"So, why would the Goa'uld give her these false memories?" Jack asked.

Daniel shrugged. "Maybe soften her up? Make her feel safe so she would tell them what they wanted to know?"

Janet nodded. "It's one possibility. The point is, this is all very real to Sam. In her mind _*we're*_ the ones who aren't making any sense."

"Kinda reminds me of when Dr. Carter came from that alternate reality. She knew us, but in a different way," Jack said.

"In some ways it is the same," Janet confirmed. "Sam's been brainwashed into believing this new reality, so somehow we have to deprogram her."

"Will she become self-destructive like the za'tarc's did?" Daniel asked. "Maybe we shouldn't try to deprogram her. Maybe we should just let her work with us and hope she starts to realize herself what's real and what's been created."

"I never thought of the suicidal angle," Janet admitted. "Perhaps it would be better to let her come to the realization on her own that this is, in fact, her true reality."

Jack looked around at the people surrounding the table. "And what if it doesn't work? What if she's stuck in La-La land?"

"Then I suppose we'll have to try something more drastic," Janet said. "She seems to have a sense of who she is, what her function is within the SGC. The only real difference is she thinks she's married to Colonel O'Neill and has a life with him."

"And the rest of you don't see this as a problem?"

"Well, Jack, you're obviously not married to her, it won't take her long to figure out you're just friends."

Just friends, Jack thought. Right. Their relationship had never been something as simple as mere friendship. Military people bonded. They almost had to due to the nature of their existence. You couldn't trust your life to some guy who was just someone you worked with. Relationships were formed that were often stronger than family, creating a clan of their own. He and Sam had had this bond from their earliest of days serving with each other, and it had only grown in intensity. Just friends? She'd never been simply his friend. It had always been something more.

And now they expected him to try and ignore the fact she thought she was his wife. It had been difficult enough when Dr. Carter placed him in the role of missing husband. How much harder would it be when it was _*his*_ Sam who insisted they were married?

Jack's thoughts were interrupted by Janet's additional advice. "While I agree with Dr. Jackson about trying to integrate Major Carter back into her everyday life, I can't recommend she be placed on active duty. She's going to be dealing with a lot of emotions, not the least of which will be what she sees as the loss of her child. I suggest she start seeing Dr. MacKinsey to . . ."

"No!" Jack cried. "Not that quack!" Everyone was staring at him, causing him to lower his voice. "If Sa. . .Carter needs to talk to someone, she's got us."

"Colonel, I hardly think you and the rest of SG-1 are qualified. . ."

"If we can't help her, then okay, you get your shot with a shrink, but not MacKinsey."

Janet seemed too tired to argue with him. "Fine. We can discuss this later," she said, rubbing her thumb and forefinger across her eyebrows. "I'm going to keep her in the infirmary for a few days, but after that, I think the best place for her will be her own house. The more familiar things she's surrounded by, the sooner I think her true memories will surface."

"Jacob?" Hammond asked, "you've been awfully quiet though all this. You have anything you'd like to add?"

"I'm just wondering if I shouldn't take her back with me. Maybe since Anise had some theories on altering. . ."

"No!" Jack spoke up again. "I mean, is that such a good idea? No offense, but Anise hasn't exactly had the greatest track record when it comes to dealing with Humans."

Jacob gave him a knowing little smile. "You might be right. She's probably better off here with you. With all of you," he added.

"Then I guess it's been decided," Hammond said. "When Major Carter is up to it, we'll reconvene and bring her up to speed. Dismissed."

~35~

Sam sat in her bed in the infirmary looking everywhere but down, knowing if she did, she'd only be reminded of the child she'd lost. So instead her gaze roamed around the off-white ceiling tiles of the medical bay. She must have occupied this bed before, she realized, because she recognized patterns in the random dots sprinkled across the tile's surface. It was a habit carried over from childhood, when she'd stare at any patterned surface, trying to see pictures in haphazard swirls or dots. It also meant she was totally bored. Jack hadn't been to see her, causing her to feel even more glum. Although the IV had been removed, Janet wouldn't allow her to walk further than the bathroom, and not without assistance. The worst of it was, whenever her hand absently brushed her abdomen, she was instantly reminded of why she was in the infirmary in the first place.

Janet insisted nothing had happened to her child because there had never been one, but it didn't feel that way to Sam. It also brought back the memories of how she felt that morning when she'd woken on Maui when Jack told her they were married. How she could have ever doubted him was beyond her. It was evident how much he loved her. At least it had been until his visits became shorter and more infrequent. He probably didn't know what to say to her about the loss of the baby, and she couldn't blame him. She couldn't look at him without a pain stabbing her in the chest, knowing how he too was feeling the loss.

What she couldn't understand was why Jack was too busy to take her home. Surely as a consultant he didn't have to remain on base? At first, seeing him in BDUs surprised her, but then again, Daniel wasn't in the military and he wore fatigues while he was in the mountain. Jack probably felt more comfortable in military clothing than civvies anyway. Her thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Hey."

"Jack!" she said, sitting up straighter, running her fingers through her messy hair. "I was wondering when you were going to tear yourself away from Hammond and come see me!"

"Well, you know how things are. . . ."

"Yeah. Somethings never change."

Jack stepped a little closer and when he did, Sam grabbed his hand, pulling him closer still, until she could wind her arms around him.

"I missed you," she said, squeezing him tight and planting a kiss first on his ear, then moving to capture his lips.

Jack's arms moved around her a little stiffly, and he jumped as her lips moved to his. Sam pulled back, noticing immediately he wasn't returning her kiss with the same ardor.

"I missed you too," he whispered into her shoulder, his movements slightly more confident than they had been moments ago.

"I can't believe it's taking you so long to go over some tactical evaluations," she said, releasing him. "When can we go home?"

"Um, well, about that," he said, tapping his fingers against the bed rail. "Hammond wants to meet with you, with all of us before he lets the Doc release you."

"The General? What does he have to do with my being released?"

"After what happened on the Goa'uld ship he wants to make sure everything is okay."

Sam sighed. "Why is everyone talking about this Goa'uld ship I was supposedly on? Jack, you know since I found out I was pregnant I haven't been off-world. Before we were married I was working in my lab, but then there was the incident on Maui, and now Janet won't even let me work part time." Lowering her voice, Sam leaned closer to him. "Actually, I think Janet's been playing Cupid."

Jack's eyes widened. "Why do you think that?"

"I think she thought we needed some time alone together to get reacquainted. I guess she thought it would help me remember the past two years."

"And do you remember them?" he asked.

"No, but I know the things you've told me, so in a way, I guess I have a sense of them."

"Sam, why are you so sure you've lost memories of the past two years?" Jack asked, then looking around he quietly added, "That you think we're married?"

Sam's face burst into a bright grin. "Because you told me we were, Jack! I know you'd never lie to me. If there's anyone I can trust, it's you."

Jack looked down at her heart-felt admission. "I hope you still feel that way, Carter. Even after all that's happened."

Sam was confused, but placed a reassuring hand over his. "I'll always trust you, Jack. No matter what."

"Just remember that when we're in the briefing, okay?"

Sam was beginning to feel nervous. This whole thing was starting to feel like an inquisition. But that was ridiculous. These were her friends! They just wanted to make sure she was okay before they let them go home.

~36~

The briefing room seemed unusually crowded, as Jack escorted Sam into the meeting. Harrison was absent, but everyone else from the previous conference was there. Motioning Sam to a spot next to her father, Jack sat on her right. Normally, he wouldn't have hovered over her, but Sam had his hand clasped so tightly, there was no way to disengage himself without drawing even more attention to the fact they remained close to each other.

Hammond gave Sam a reassuring smile, which she returned. "General Hammond. It's good to see you again, sir."

"You as well, Major. I thought we'd lost you. It's only because Colonel O'Neill and the rest of SG-1 refused to give up that you're here with us today, and for that I'm grateful."

"Me too, sir," Sam replied, although Jack could tell she was merely going through the motions. She hadn't relaxed one bit since they'd entered the room. In fact, she was more tense than ever.

"Perhaps it would be prudent for you to tell us what you remember. From what I understand, you have a slightly different perspective on your captivity than we have."

Sam turned to look at Jack, and he nodded, giving her hand a slight squeeze. "Well, sir, I haven't been a captive. As I've told Doctor Fraiser, I've done very little over the past two months." Turning her head to smile at Jack she added, "other than get to know Jack better. It's been a little odd for both of us to adjust."

"Oh, how so?" Hammond asked.

"He remembers the last two years and I don't. It's a little disconcerting having someone coach you on a life you've already lived."

Hammond's eyes met those of the other people in the room before he continued. "Major, don't you find it a little unrealistic you're married to your commanding officer?"

"Sir, you better than any one should know he's not my CO anymore. He consults with you as a civilian."

Jack's eye brows raised at the implication. "I'm not part of SG-1?"

Sam laughed and said, "Not since you were shot in the knee on P2X-993! General, I'm sorry, but I really don't see what all this has to do with my being released. This is ancient history for all of you. Do you think I have a concussion or something that you're testing my memory of certain events? I know there's still gaps from the PTSD, but it's getting better everyday."

"PTSD?" Hammond asked Doctor Fraiser.

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," Janet clarified. "According to Major Carter, it's why she claims to be missing two years of her life. The life I believe the Goa'uld implanted."

"Major," the general started, "I believe you've been informed that this, reality, for lack of a better word, has been placed in your mind by an altered memory recall device."

"Yes, Janet's mentioned it, but it's crazy! Why would the Goa'uld want to give me a false life?"

"I think it was to extract information," Daniel said. "I think they wanted you to feel safe, loved, if you will, so you wouldn't resist them when they asked you for intelligence about Earth's defenses."

"But there have been no Goa'ulds!" Sam insisted. Taking a deep breath, she explained slowly, as if she were speaking to children. "I've told you. Jack and I returned home early from Maui because of my memory lapse, and since then, we've just been at home. No Goa'ulds, no aliens of any sort."

"Don't you find that odd?" Daniel pressed. "That you weren't bored, I mean? Sure a vacation away from this place is one thing, but do you really think you could have spent two months with just Jack and not gone nuts?" Jack's head shot up at Daniel's words. "Ah, no offense, Jack."

Jack scowled but let the subject drop. He could be interesting! And he was sure he could have found _*something*_ to keep him and Sam occupied during that time! Judging from what he'd seen on the thought-screen, they'd found plenty to keep busy!

"I. . .I don't know. I guess I never really thought about it," she said, casting a glance over to Jack.

"And what about the Colonel's knee?" Janet asked. "Don't you find it unusual he walks without a limp?"

Sam looked down at Jack's legs as he flexed both knees. "Same old knees" he said.

Sam's hand loosened its grip on his and she pulled away from him. She swallowed then said, "so what you're telling me is that every thing I've come to believe about my life is false. That it's all been a clever manipulation in an effort to work secrets out of me, without my knowledge."

"That's the gist of it, Major," Hammond said.

"Forgive me if I don't believe you, sir, but this is the kind of tactic the Goa'uld _*would*_ use. Try to confuse me into believing I was at liberty to discuss our defenses, here within the SGC. They've made a mock-up of the facility before on Hathor's ship. Frankly, I find the thought of rescuing me from a Goa'uld ship while Apophis was in the vicinity a little harder to swallow than the fact Jack and are married and are living a normal life."

"Has anyone asked you for classified information?"

Sam faltered, as if she remembered something, but didn't quite know what to make of it. "No, sir. Not since I've been here."

"And doesn't that prove to you, Major, that we might possibly be telling you the truth?"

A frown crossed Sam's face, and Jack could see she was having an internal argument. He could always tell when she was mulling over a problem by the way her brows furrowed, and the almost vacant look in her eyes as she looked inward for answers.

"I can't say one way or another right now, General."

Hammond sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Major Carter, if Doctor Fraiser agrees, I believe the best thing for you at the moment would be to return home. Perhaps familiar surroundings will help you remember actual, rather than implanted events."

"I have no objections, other than I feel someone should accompany her," Janet said, looking around the room.

Jack was about to volunteer when Jacob spoke up. "I don't have to be back with the Tok'ra until tomorrow. I'll take her home, stay with her tonight."

A slight smile crossed Sam's face. "Thanks, Dad, but Jack can take me home."

"I think under the circumstances, it might be better if Colonel O'Neill took Sam home," Janet said. "No offense, Jacob, but since he helped her adjust the last time her memories were in question, I think he could be helpful now."

Jacob reached over, clasping Sam's hand. "You okay with this, kid?"

Sam placed her hand over her father's. "Yeah, Dad, it's fine. I know it's hard for you to get away from the Tok'ra. Especially on short notice." She looked down, touching her stomach. "I just wish you'd come for a good reason, instead of. . . ." Sam's eyes filled with tears again as she bit her lip in an effort to maintain her composure. Clearing her throat she added, "I appreciate that you came."

Jack's gaze met Jacob's, understanding his silent command to take care of his daughter. "General? Maybe I should take Carter home?"

"Considering this discussion has produced little in the way of positive results, I agree, Colonel."

~37~

The ride home was silent, and it wasn't a comfortable one, Sam noted. Jack was wound tight, unsure of what to say. Sam wondered if this was how he and Sara began to drift apart; the silence just working away at them until there was nothing left.

Looking up, Sam noticed he'd missed the turn off for their house. "Jack, you missed the exit."

"Um, no. Your exit is the next one."

"We aren't going home?"

"Carter, I _*am*_ taking you home. Your house is the next exit."

"My house. . . .? " Sam willed her emotions to stay in check. "Jack, I don't have my house anymore. I sold it when I moved in with you before the wedding." Jack didn't speak, as if his silence made his actions seem more reasonable. She couldn't believe he was throwing her out! She was beginning to believe the Goa'uld _*had*_ infiltrated the SGC because he certainly wasn't acting like himself!

Jack pulled up in front of her old house. It had been over two years since she'd last seen it, but it still looked the same. Even the trees hadn't grown. Hot tears coursed down her cheeks despite her resolve she wasn't going to get emotional.

Sam heard her door open as Jack offered her a hand up. If he was throwing her out, he was certainly being polite about it! She had no bags, but then she'd probably been rushed to the infirmary when the baby. . . . She had to stop thinking about that or she _*would* _go crazy.

"What about my things?" she managed to ask.

"They're here, Sam."

"You moved my things already? While I was in the infirmary you moved me out?"

Jack stopped, placing his hands on her upper arms. "Sam, they've always been here. You've been gone a few weeks, that's all. We took turns watering your plants."

Suddenly, Sam had to see the inside of her old house. They couldn't have moved everything back already, could they? Running up the stairs, she remembered she no longer had a key, but there used to be one stashed behind a light fixture on the porch. Fishing behind the metal plate, she found her spare, amazed it was still there.

If the locks hadn't been changed, it was going to be inhabited by new owners, she told herself. This was all some kind of cruel joke they were playing on her for some unknown reason, and Jack was just waiting for her to open the door to yell "gotcha!"

The key slid in the lock, same as it had years ago. Turning the knob, Sam gasped when she saw the interior of the house. All her things were there. Her bookshelves lined with science journals and other non-fiction texts. There was her old couch, the one Jack said they couldn't get rid of even at a yard sale. Her television, and her plants, looking a little wilted, but still in the spots she normally kept them.

How had they done it? Racing for the bed room she started pulling open drawers. Even her clothes were in the same places she stored them. Her head was pounding. This couldn't be happening! Her life with Jack, was what was real! Somehow, someone had read her mind and created this illusion of her former life, trying to confuse her. For what purpose, she couldn't fathom.

Sam sank to her bed, dazed, as Jack ran into her room. "Sam? Are you all right? Sam!" Jack was shaking her, and it took a moment before she focused on his eyes. She could see he was worried about her. Looking into his eyes, she could see the same love and concern she'd always seen in their brown depths, even when he thought he was hiding his emotions. His eyes never lied, and seeing the devotion mirrored in his gaze, gave her the strength to try and comprehend what was happening.

"Jack," she whispered. "I don't understand what's going on. What's real anymore. This all seems so _*normal,*_ and yet my life with you. . . ."

Jack moved to sit next to her on the bed. "Sam, you have to listen to me. I know what you've been experiencing for the last few weeks seems real to you, but _*that's*_ the deception." Picking up her hand, he guided her fingers to her temple. She felt a small bandage, but couldn't remember how she'd injured herself.

"Is this from a fall? Is that how I lost the baby?"

"There was no baby, Sam. Just like Doc Fraiser told you," he said gently. "The bandage is from where she removed a memory recall device. Like the one you had when we rescued your Dad on Netu, and when we were on Hathor's ship."

"I remember," she said. "But I haven't had any memories surface. I know what that felt like and this isn't it!"

"It was altered. You were being held by Goa'uld's called Eros and Psyche, and Psyche, I'm guessing, is the one who altered the device to _*create*_ images, rather than recall them."

"Why do you think it was this Psyche?"

Jack scratched his eyebrow. "Well, it's Daniel's theory, actually. He says in Greek mythology she was equated with a person's soul. Kinda makes sense she was the one messing with your head, your personality."

"But I don't understand why they would give me this false life. If they were after information, as everyone seems to think, why go to all the bother of a hoax?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "Ya got me. Maybe it's like Daniel said, if you didn't feel threatened, you wouldn't fight them when they asked you for information."

Sam thought back to General Hammond's question in the briefing, when he asked her if anyone in the SGC had asked her for information. What she didn't tell him was Jack had been questioning her about the defenses. It didn't make sense at the time he'd been so adamant about telling him of any upgrades to Earth's defenses, but now it did.

"Oh, God," she moaned, burying her face in her hands. Could it really be true everything she remembered sharing with Jack was the lie? It couldn't be! He loved her! She knew that beyond the shadow of a doubt! She couldn't believe the ecstasy she'd felt making love to him was all an illusion, a fabrication from a tiny piece of metal embedded in her temple. Looking at him now she could clearly remember the taste of his kisses, the way his hands felt on her body as they made love. How was it possible she could recall those sensations if she'd never experienced them? If she could trust him, take him at his word, where did that leave her?

Touching her shoulder, Jack asked again, "Sam? Are you all right?"

Sam flinched at the feel of his hand. No! He couldn't touch her, not any longer. She had to forget what it was to be his lover, his wife, and remember her role as his second-in-command. A position that left her bereft of his affection, his ability to express what he felt for her. How was she supposed to go on, knowing what it was like to feel his love while she pretended all they were to each other were colleagues?

Standing, Sam squared her shoulders. "No, but I will be." She turned, looking at Jack with a sorrowful expression. "Sam Carter's always okay, right?"

~38~

Jack stared at Sam, watching as she turned away from him again. He could see she was having a hard time accepting the evidence before her, but he didn't know what to do to help. He was never good with words or emotional situations.

"Look, Carter, maybe it would be better if I gave you a little space. Let you get settled in, you know. . . .?"

Sam's head bobbed and a hand quickly brushed over her face before she turned to him once more, a forced smile gracing her lips. "Sure, Ja. . .sir. I'll be fine. It's just going to take a little time to get acclimated. I'll be back at the SGC before you know it."

Sam's false cheeriness was almost worse than seeing her tears. "You should probably eat something, too. Maybe get some sleep."

"I'm sure everything will look much better in the morning. . .sir." Was she trying to convince him or herself all she needed was some food and a good night's rest?

"I'm sure it will, Carter," he said, reaching out to pat her arm, but she stepped back from him before his hand made contact. Jack pulled his hand back, stuffing it into his pants pocket. "I guess I'll see ya," he said, feeling uneasy about leaving her, but not knowing how to stay without aggravating the situation.

"Good night, sir," Sam said, finally making his decision for him.

"'Night, Carter." Sam had wrapped her arms around herself, doing her best to seem like she was fine, but Jack knew her well enough to recognize when her bravado was kicking in. She was barely holding it together, and it was tearing him apart seeing her so lost.

He'd made it to the living room when he thought to look in her cupboards, to see if she even had anything to eat. He found a couple of cans of soup, a box of stale crackers and a few packages of macaroni and cheese. Geeze, he thought she ate better than that. Of course he should have realized she'd go for convenience over taste when she was always so absorbed in her projects. Plus the fact she'd been gone for three weeks probably meant whatever was in her refrigerator had taken on a life of its own.

Making a decision, he went for the phone, dialing the number he knew by heart. After all, he and Sam were in the same delivery area. Ordering enough food to last her a few days, he was surprised when she stepped into the kitchen.

"Jack! Uh, sorry, sir. It's going to take me a little bit to get used to calling you that again."

"Hey, we're not on base, so don't sweat it."

"Um, sir? What are you doing here? I thought you'd left."

Jack noted how red and swollen Sam's eyes were, and suspected the moment he'd left her bedroom, the dam had burst and she hadn't been able to contain her tears. It was so disconcerting to see her cry. She was always so strong, it was just one more thing to twist his insides when he looked at her. Well, he hadn't _*actually*_ seen her cry, but the end result was the same. He knew she felt things on a lot deeper level than she let on, and it was hard for him to witness those emotions coming to the surface.

"I wanted to see if you had anything here to eat. Turns out you're giving Mother Hubbard a run for her money."

Sam smiled slightly at his joke, making him feel a little better. God, he wanted to give her a hug when she looked so bewildered, but under the circumstances, it probably would be the worst thing he could do. Not only was she still suffering from the memories of their lost life, but he wasn't immune to her, either. He'd missed her so much while she'd been gone. Naturally, he longed for her when guilt was eating away at him. But he also realized he missed _*her.*_ Seeing her smile, hearing her voice, just being around her. Yeah, it was hard to battle the attraction they felt for each other, but it would be far worse not to see her on a daily basis, even if that basis would only ever be platonic. He never grasped how much she was a part of his life until she was gone.

"I just ordered you some food, is all. Chinese. At least there's some vegetables in it."

"Along with a ton of fat," she gently chided.

"Yeah, I know," he grinned at their familiar argument. He insisting the veggies offset the cooking oil, and she bringing up the subject of clogged arteries. At least it was a good sign she remembered their on-going debate. That had to be something, didn't it?

"That wasn't necessary, sir, but I do appreciated it," she said.

"Hey, the least I could do, I mean after all, you would have been here to buy your own groceries if I hadn't. . . ." he couldn't finish his sentence. He wasn't looking for pity, but it was a little hard not to feel responsible for her when she wouldn't be in the state she was in if it wasn't for him.

"Jack," she said, deliberately using his name instead of his rank, "I'm still not clear on what actually happened on the planet, but I _*know*_ you did what you thought was right. That you did your best."

Jack looked into her earnest face. He couldn't believe she could be so generous, so forgiving. It was just one more thing he loved about her. And he did love her, he realized. If the past few weeks had done nothing else, they'd proven his feelings for her went way beyond "caring about her a lot more than he was supposed to."

Without thinking, he pulled her into his arms, hugging her close. "Thanks, Sam. You don't know what your forgiveness means to me." For a few moments they stood there, each holding onto the other, refusing to let go. He didn't know how long they would have remained like that if the door bell hadn't chimed.

"Must be the food," she mumbled into his chest.

"Yeah. I'll get it." Reluctantly he pulled out of her embrace, trying to clear his head as he walked across the room. _*Well, that was smart, O'Neill,*_ he berated himself. He'd been in the process of leaving to avoid a situation like this, and somehow he still managed to end up in her arms. "Talk about inevitable," he mumbled as he pulled the door open.

The delivery kid was buried somewhere under a mountain of white paper bags, but somehow managed to extend his hand to accept payment before he released any food to him.

"Sam? Can you give me a hand here?" he asked, filling her arms with bags as she appeared next to him. Handing the kid a generous tip, Jack picked up his own supply of bags.

"Did you order everything on the menu?" Sam laughed, depositing her armload on the dining room table.

"Just about. They didn't sound too upset though. Must have been a slow night."

Sam stared at the number of bags and containers lining her table. "How in the world am I going to eat all this?"

"Well, most of it I thought you'd save for later. Nuke it as you wanted it."

"I don't know what to say. This had to cost you a fortune!"

"Well, that's why they give you _*fortune*_ cookies!"

Sam groaned at his lame joke, but her smile revealed she found it humorous. She was starting to seem a bit like her old self, and if he had to fork out a good chunk of change for that, it was worth it.

"Well, it looks like you're all set," he said, preparing to leave once more.

"Stay? For dinner, I mean. After all, you paid for all this and I certainly have plenty."

Looking into her eyes, Jack could tell she wasn't just being polite. She wanted the company, and truth be told, the thought of his empty house wasn't nearly as inviting as the thought of eating from take-out cartons with her.

"Well, I guess I am a little hungry," he admitted, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"Good! I'll get the plates and maybe we could watch a movie?" Her face looked so hopeful, he couldn't tell her he'd probably be gone before the credits rolled.

"Sounds good, but I get to pick it out. I am _*definitely*_ not in the mood for one of your chick flicks!" Actually, he didn't care either way, but he knew the subject would provoke her, and he smiled to himself as she didn't disappoint him by launching into the merits of romantic comedies.

~39~

Jack woke to someone kissing him. And it wasn't some innocent good morning peck on the cheek! He felt her lips tracing his jaw before moving back to his mouth once more. Instinctively, he opened his mouth, accepting her caressing tongue before reason kicked in, overshadowing his hormones.

"Sam!" he called, gently pushing her away, noting she wasn't fully awake, but slowly was becoming more aware. Suddenly her eyes popped open as she realized where she was and what she'd been doing.

He was spread out on her sofa, and she was lying on top of him. The last thing he remembered was eating dinner, then settling back to watch the movie. He must have dozed off because he didn't recall the movie coming to an end, or Sam draped all over him for that matter. She, too, must have succumbed to her fatigue as dirty plates and empty cartons still littered her coffee table. For a moment he enjoyed how right it felt to hold her, experiencing a fraction of what she'd come to know with her false memories.

Suddenly, comprehending where she was and what she'd been doing, Sam jumped off the couch, muttering a stream of apologies.

"Oh, God, sir! I'm sorry! I was having a dream and. . . ." her words trailed off as her face flushed bright red. He didn't need her to articulate where her thoughts had been; her actions had spoke volumes.

"Carter! It's okay!" he tried to reassure her. In fact, it had been more than okay. He was just sorry he couldn't share her dream with her. For a moment, he was almost jealous she had memories of the two of them, whether they'd been implanted or not. What would it be like, he wondered, to wake up next to her and pull her closer rather than push her away?

"It's just all so confusing!" she said, running fingers through her hair, pacing around the room, and frantically picking up dishes and cartons in an effort to keep moving. "I know you told me I was a captive, but all I remember is our other life, and sometimes I forget which is which."

Jack was on his feet, stopping her from her flight around the room. "For cryin' out loud, Carter! Cut yourself some slack! It's only been a few days, and you didn't really believe me until yesterday! And it was just a kiss! It's not like anything happened." He watched Sam's face fall, as if she was almost disappointed nothing had occurred.

"And nothing ever will," she whispered, turning away from him with an armload of garbage. Those words cut through him as he realized the truth. They would always remain in this tortuous limbo as long as they were both in the Air Force. He didn't know what to say. What could he say? If he remembered correctly, the reason they'd been together in her implanted life was because he'd been incapacitated by an injury. Until that happened in real life, the only other option was retirement. And he wasn't sure he was ready for that. Even if it meant he and Sam could be together.

Sam had her arms braced against the counter, back to him. "You know the truly funny part? I really fought hard against what everyone in that reality was telling me. I kept questioning you, Janet, my dad. For some reason I was so resistant to believing what they were telling me. It's just ironic when it's everything I've ever wanted."

Sam's honesty hit him square in the chest. Everything she's ever wanted? _*He*_ was everything she's ever wanted? He knew she cared deeply for him, and well, in the infirmary she'd told him she loved him, but for some reason it didn't impact him as much as this confession. Again he was at a loss for words. How could he tell her he felt the same way and expect to work with her as if there was nothing between them? Which choice was more cruel? Tell her she was all he ever wanted as well? Or remain silent and let her believe their attraction wasn't as equal as she'd thought?

He couldn't stay in her house any longer. He needed some space to think, to try to come to a rational decision without her influencing him.

"Sam, I'm really sorry to leave like this, but I need to go home, get cleaned up before I return to the base."

Sam turned, giving him a sad smile. "I understand. Thanks for everything you've done, Ja. . .sir. It really means a lot that you. . .well, I appreciate it, Colonel."

Jack stiffened at the sound of his rank on her lips. He was getting rather used to hearing her call him Jack. There was something about the way she pronounced his name that did things to his insides. Things he didn't feel when Hammond or Daniel called him by name, and again, he found it dangerous. Damn! He couldn't find anything about her he didn't see as endearing. Why couldn't she have drooled in her sleep, snored or something? At least then he might have had some defense against her assault on his emotions. Perhaps it was a good thing he _*was*_ "sir" again.

~40~

Sam watched the door close as Jack left. It was hard watching him go, especially when there seemed so much they needed to talk about. Well, she did, anyway. Maybe he was too close to the situation, she thought, since basically, he was the problem.

She supposed she could talk to Janet, but quite frankly, she was a little embarrassed about the way she'd insisted her imaginary life was the one that was real. It wouldn't be so bad if it _*was*_ truly a dream, with pleasantly vague memories. Unfortunately, everything in her mind was as vivid and real to her as if it had happened. Which was why she'd woke finding herself kissing Jack. She was awake enough to know what she was doing, just not remembering he was now off-limits. When she'd heard his startled cry, she instantly realized what she'd been doing was no longer allowed. He wasn't her husband, the father of her child. He was her CO and she was sprawled on top of him, making out with him like some teenager.

That in itself was bad enough, but the worst of it was, until he pushed her away, she didn't care. She didn't care she was risking her career with inappropriate actions because she wanted him. She could live with the fact she had to return to her old life if only she knew he loved her. If she had the promise of someday, she might be able to put the episode behind her. As it was, she found herself clinging to her false memories. The only part of Jack she'd ever have.

Looking around her house, Sam realized while it felt familiar to her, it no longer felt like her home. At first it had been strange living in Jack's house, but once she'd settled in, she found it more a of a home than her house now seemed to be. Not that she found the space uncomfortable, it was more that it lacked the warmth of Jack's house. Of course, that had more to do with the occupant than the actual building. She remembered the anticipation she'd felt waiting for him to return when he'd be gone for the day. For a retired guy, he certainly had kept busy! Between consulting with the SGC, he'd been active in youth organizations, providing the leadership they always seemed to need.

Suddenly Sam stopped cleaning. Where had those ideas come from? She didn't have any facts to base those memories on. She knew the Goa'uld's had placed fake memories in her head, but how could they be so accurate? Helping out a group of kids is exactly the kind of thing Jack would do if he was retired. Had they gotten that notion from her subconscious?

She remembered her arguments to the other Janet-how Jack's romancing was almost _*too*_ perfect, how it was the way _*she*_ imagined their relationship would be. Perhaps if she concentrated on the fact her memories were actually just enhanced fantasies, she'd be able to move on. Get on with her life as it had been since the their za'tarc testing-look and feel, but don't touch. Was it really any surprise she wanted to cling to the memories of openly loving him?

Sam shook her head. Well, she _*did*_ have to get over it if she expected to work with him again as his second-in-command. She had to think battle strategies, not if she should cook pot roast for dinner. Maybe she should take a walk, got used to _*her* _Earth again. Perhaps something different than her empty house.

~41~

Jack sat in the commissary, toying with his mug of coffee, more than drinking it. Rubbing a hand over his face, he didn't need his aching back to remind him of his night on Sam's sofa. She hadn't left his mind all morning, which really wasn't anything new, other than he was constantly thinking about her. Normally, he'd have a mental flash of her face, remember a bit of a conversation they'd had, but nothing like the preoccupation he had with her today.

He was such a coward. She obviously wasn't comfortable being alone in her house, but he fled her dwelling first chance he got. Well, if he was honest it wasn't the _*first*_ chance. He could have left as soon as he'd ordered her some food, but he didn't want to leave any more than she wanted him to. It was probably the incident that morning that caused the panic to set in, causing him to bolt. There was a thin enough wall between them, and now, with Sam's artificial memories, the barrier had been weakened further still. It wasn't until he left her house he realized it was always her putting on the brakes more than him. She taking responsibility for keeping them on track. How was he going to do the right thing when she was no longer saying no?

"Hey, Jack, you're here early," he heard a familiar voice say.

Looking up, Jack saw Daniel standing before him with a heavily laden tray. Not only did it amaze Jack he could put away that much food in the morning, but it was _*commissary* _food he was able to consume.

"I woke up early," he shrugged. "Thought maybe if I came in early I might actually get a start on those reports of Carter's rescue. Have a seat."

"Guess it isn't working, huh?"

"What isn't working?" Jack instantly jumped on him.

"Getting to your reports. Why, what did you think I was talking about?"

"Um, nothing," Jack said, taking a sip of his cold coffee to avoid answering him. They sat in silence which was getting noticeably tense. Daniel was looking around the commissary, hefting a fork full of eggs to his mouth as his eyes met Jack's. Jack quickly looked away, unsure why Daniel's presence was making him nervous. _*He sees too much, sometimes*_ he thought.

"So, how's Sam?" Daniel asked, tone neutral.

"How would I know?"

Daniel's eyes grew wider. "Well, you took her home yesterday, I thought maybe you might have stuck around a little while to see if she was okay."

"I ordered her some food, we talked a little, that was about it," Jack mumbled.

Daniel wasn't going to let the subject drop. "So what did you tell her? I mean how did you convince her you and her aren't you know. . . ." Daniel's hand was motioning between the two of them.

Jack swallowed. "Married?"

"Yeah, that."

"Well, I didn't really say much of anything. Seeing her house seemed to do most of the convincing."

"It must have been quite a shock for her," Daniel said, his voice sympathetic.

"Well, ya know. It's kind of hard being single after being married to me. Once you've had Jack, you'll never go back!" he tried to joke, but the humor fell flat.

Daniel had abandoned his breakfast, adopting a serious tone. "I would imagine that's what the real problem is." Jack looked up at him. "I would think that's the problem for both of you."

Jack was about to protest when Daniel held up his hand.

"Just hear me out. Look, I know we haven't really discussed this before, and now is probably not the best time, but. . ."

"You're right. This is not the time. Never work for you?" Jack said, starting to rise.

"BUT," Daniel stressed, clamping a hand around his wrist, "I think we should."

Jack retook his seat, unsure if he wanted to hear Daniel's viewpoint about his relationship with Sam. Raising his eyebrows, Jack invited Daniel's observations.

Daniel lowered his voice, leaning towards Jack. "You and Sam have a bond, one you don't share with Teal'c or me." Jack looked about ready to argue when Daniel rushed on. "Maybe it's the military thing, I don't know, but you can't deny you relate to her on a different level than you do us. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but you seem to think so."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how you fight so hard to appear impartial where she's concerned. Especially lately. I don't know if something's happened between you that you're not telling me, but I guess when you're ready, you'll let me know."

"Daniel," Jack sighed, "there's nothing going on with Carter and me, despite what she thinks right now."

"Maybe there should be."

"What are you saying?" Daniel sat back, pushing his tray away from him. "I'm saying you're committed to each other in every other way possible. Just because you're not sleeping together doesn't mean you don't feel. . .strongly for her. Let me ask you something. I bet she's been on your mind ever since you woke up this morning hasn't she?"

Jack looked away, hoping his face wasn't flushing at the honesty in Daniel's words. "We just got her back from the Goa'ulds. Of course I'm thinking about her. I'll bet you're thinking about her too."

"I doubt in the same way," he smiled. "Jack, I'm not trying to put you on the spot or anything here. What you feel or don't feel for Sam is really none of my business other than I want to see my friends happy." There was a silence, then Jack turned his attention back to Daniel.

"You know there's nothing we can do about it," he practically whispered.

Daniel merely nodded. "And Sam having all these memories of you isn't helping matters. You know, until she feels a bit more like herself, maybe it would be better if Teal'c or I checked up on her. It might make it easier for both of you."

Jack knew Daniel's heart was in the right place, but he wasn't sure he _*wanted*_ someone else checking up on her. "Well, ya know, Fraiser seems to think I'm the best candidate to help her through this," he tried to argue.

"That was just until she realized she was a victim of mind control. Now, being around you might be rubbing salt in the wound."

Jack thought about all Daniel had said. Maybe he was right. Maybe he wasn't the one to try to help Sam through this. As much as he wanted to, he was, no doubt, a painful reminder of what she once had.

"You've got a point," Jack said, exhaling. "If Fraiser agrees, maybe it would be better to let you guys check on her, but make sure she knows why I haven't been around, okay?"

"I promise we'll let her know. I think this is the best thing, Jack. For everyone."

"Let's hope so."

~42~

Sam's walk took her to a small shopping center, and she decided some coffee and window shopping would be a therapeutic distraction. She wasn't usually much of a shopper, but perhaps today, poking around the shops might be relaxing.

Sipping coffee as she strolled down the sidewalk, Sam peered into windows displaying housewares, clothing, hardware, home decorating items. She'd just finished her coffee when she saw a lamp in one of the stores, and she had to investigate further.

Entering the shop, Sam noted it was mostly antiques and reproductions of items from years gone by. Normally, she wasn't much for the truly retro look, but there was something about the lamp that made her think it would be perfect on the end table closest to the fireplace. "This is perfect," she muttered out loud, picking up the lamp, examining it closer. A clerk stepped closer, offering to show her the lamp illuminated. Following the sales girl to the counter where she plugged it in, Sam was even more certain it was just what they needed.

"Jack will love this," she smiled to the young clerk. "It'll go perfect with the sofa and. . . ."

The salesperson must not have heard Sam's words trailing off as she turned around with a bright smile. "Jack's your husband?"

Sam felt a pain in her stomach as she realized what she was doing. Buying a lamp for their house. Not Jack's house, but theirs, the one she still saw as partially hers. Swallowing back the tears that were threatening to form, Sam found her voice.

"I . . .I'm sorry, but I've changed my mind. I'm sorry to have wasted your time." Before the woman could respond, Sam was rushing out of the shop, ignoring the clerk's calls asking if she was all right.

_*No, I'm not all right*_ She told herself. Everything came back to Jack and their supposed life together. Throughout her walk, all she could think of was him. Not only how much she missed what she used to have, but the uncertainty she'd seen on his face when he'd left that morning. And just now? Almost buying an accessory for a house that wasn't hers?

Sam wandered down the street a little further, deciding to go to the end of the block before she returned to her empty house. At least there was food there Jack had provided. Again, she couldn't seem to equate anything in her life without it being in terms of Jack!

Standing on the corner, waiting for the light to change, Sam looked up and noticed a shop on her right. "Toys 'N Tots" the sign proclaimed, and she was drawn to the storefront by some sense of morbid curiosity. Standing at the glass, Sam saw her distraught reflection staring back at her. This is the type of store she and Jack would have been looking in right about now, she thought. Giddy over the prospect of preparing for their first child.

But that child was a lie, a fabrication of two aliens who'd been using her as a means to get information about Earth. So how come it still felt so real? How could it continue to hurt so much? Even doing something as mundane as shopping she was haunted by false recollections. How long would it take before everything stopped being a constant reminder of what she didn't have?

_**Illusion Of Truth Part 4**_

~43~

Daniel stood outside Sam's door, knocking rather loudly. It was the second time he'd knocked, and it surprised him Sam hadn't answered. Maybe she was out, or asleep. He was about to turn away when he heard the door unlock. Before it was fully open, he heard her ask,

"Jack?"

"Uh, no. It's Daniel," he smiled when her face came into view. He watched her face fall slightly, then a small smile blossom as her cheeks turned pink.

"Sorry, I thought. . . ."

"I know. It's okay. Can I come in?"

"Huh? Oh, sure! Sorry Daniel! I guess the Goa'uld removed my manners so they had room for all those new memories they added!" she joked. It didn't escape his notice Sam used the same evasion tactics Jack did. Shaking his head, he thought it really was a crime they were forced apart.

"Have a seat," she offered. "Get you something, beer? Soda?"

"Nothing, thanks. I just came by to see how you were doing."

"Great!" she answered almost too quickly. "You know, there's so many little things I've been meaning to get done, but never seem to get to, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I never seem to get everything I want cataloged. Of course since were all on down time now. . ."

"You're all off?" she asked.

"Yeah, General Hammond thought we could all use some time to get things back the way they were." He didn't want to articulate the fact it was _*her*_ they were waiting on, but he could tell by the look on her face she knew what he was really trying to say.

"So, Jack. . I mean Colonel O'Neill is off then too?"

Daniel looked down, lacing his fingers together. "Yeah, all of us." Returning his gaze to hers, he added. "Look, Sam, it's not like he doesn't want to see you, it's just that I talked to Janet, and we all agreed maybe it would be better if you didn't have so much contact with Jack right now. You're dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions at the moment and Janet thinks maybe. . ."

"Daniel, I know you're trying to help, but keeping Jack and I apart isn't the answer. Just because I have these memories of him, doesn't mean I can't control myself around him! What I need is to get back to work. Get back to my routine. I know I told you I was doing great, but I'm not! I'm going stir crazy and it's only been a day! I need something to do to take my mind off recent. . .events."

Daniel smiled. "I know how that goes. How about if I bring you some work from your lab? That way you'll still be following doctor's orders, and maybe you won't go nuts."

"Too bad you can't smuggle the naquada reactor out," Sam grinned, taking a seat next to him. "But I'll be happy just to write my report. Think anyone will be suspicious when it's done before I return to work?"

"From you? Hardly. Now if it was Jack on the other hand. . . ." Suddenly he realized he'd said. "Uh, sorry. I didn't mean to remind you or anything."

"Daniel, you can say his name! You're acting like he died or something! I admit I'm a bit more preoccupied with him than I used to be, but I'm sure that will pass. It'll just take some time." Sam smiled at him reassuringly, and Daniel tried to believe it was just a matter of her getting back to her routine.

"Sam, this is probably none of my business, but if you feel like talking about what happened to you, what it was like, you know you can talk to me, right?"

Sam nodded. "And you're my friend, so yes, it is your business. It's just that it's a little awkward talking about it, you know?"

"Maybe Janet would be better," he offered.

Sam stood and began pacing. "It's not that it's a 'woman' thing, Daniel. I'd have a hard time talking to her about it, too."

He watched her walking around the living room, debating with herself if she should say more or not.

"It's kind of embarrassing, you know?" she said at length. "The Goa'uld had to start _*somewhere,*_ so obviously these thoughts were already there." Sam looked down as she stuffed her hands into her pockets, another gesture of Jack's she seemed to have picked up, Daniel noted.

"Sam, the fact you and Jack are attracted to each other is hardly news." She looked up, worry creasing her brow. "Not that either of you have ever acted inappropriately," he was quick to add. She seemed to relax a bit, but didn't elaborate on her statement. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. They invaded your mind, exploited your feelings to get what they wanted. Frankly, I'm amazed you held out. Sounds to me like their tactics would have been pretty convincing."

Sam made a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a snort. "Yeah, pretty damn convincing."

"All I'm saying is that you shouldn't feel awkward around us. Let me put it to you this way-what if you and Jack were seeing each other? I know, I know, the regs, but what if they weren't an issue. Would you feel odd being around Teal'c and I?"

"Of course not! You're our friends! And I'd like to think we wouldn't act any differently at work."

_*Except the flirting would probably be off the scale,*_ Daniel thought to himself. "Okay, so why is it so hard for you to talk about this to me? It's not going to change the way you relate to us, but it might help you to share some of what you're feeling."

Daniel watched the internal debate going on within his friend. Sam was an intensely private person, and it was difficult to let her guard down. Well, it was one thing the four of them shared. None of them were very forthcoming with personal information, and yet, they placed their lives in each other's hands practically on a daily basis. Surely, this kind of trust could be extended to personal matters?

"I suppose it's more the fact it's made Colonel O'Neill uncomfortable," she said quietly. "I think I really embarrassed him with the way I acted when I first came back." Sam looked over at him then looked quickly away. "I kind of threw myself at him."

"You thought you were married," Daniel said. "It's understandable."

Sam laughed ironically. "Yeah, but when you all told me the truth, I kept denying it, clinging to the fantasy." Her voice dropped lower, "because I wanted it so much." She paused for a moment, then added, "do you know what I did today? I went for a walk, ended up in that little shopping district, the one by the park? Anyway, I'm window shopping when I saw this lamp and the first thought I had was, "wouldn't that look great on the end table by the fireplace?"

Daniel looked for a table, but saw none. "You don't have an end table, or a fireplace for that matter."

"But Jack does," she said with a sad smile. "The point is, I'm still thinking in terms of our life together, that it was _*our*_ house, not just his. It wasn't until the sales clerk got me talking that I realized what I was doing."

Daniel stood, pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry, Sam," he mumbled. "I know what it's like to have someone you care about so close and yet out of reach at the same time. I wish I could tell you it's going to get better soon, but it is going to take some time." Daniel was stroking her hair as she nodded her head against his shoulder.

"It's just so hard," Sam said, still in his embrace. "Remembering what a great life we had and him not knowing any of it."

"But it wasn't real," Daniel said gently.

"That's the bitch of it," she sighed. Pulling out of his arms, Sam wiped away a few stray tears, laughing nervously. "I think I've cried more this past week than I have my entire life."

"I just wish there was something I could do to ease your pain."

Sam took his hand in hers, squeezing gently. "You have, Daniel. I do feel better talking to someone about it. You feel like staying for dinner? I've got plenty," she asked hopefully.

"I'd love to, but I really need to get back to the base. SG-5 brought back a bunch of stone tablets and I've got to try to make some sense of them by their briefing tomorrow. I'll take a rain check, though."

Sam's smile was forced. "I understand."

"Why don't you call Janet? Maybe the two of you could go see a movie or something."

"I don't need a baby-sitter, Daniel," she chided.

"No, but I thought you might like some company." He could tell whose company she was thinking about, but she knew as well as he did it wouldn't help the situation. Sam and Jack spending more time together would only perpetuate the myth they were married in her eyes, and Sam needed to get back to where she was. "I'll drop those reports by tomorrow, okay?"

"Sounds good. Thanks, Daniel. For everything."

"Well, I wish I could have really helped. . . ."

"You did," she assured him.

Standing at the door, Daniel leaned over giving her a peck on the cheek. "See you tomorrow, Sam."

~44~

Jack was pacing the corridor outside the elevators on level 20, waiting for Daniel's return. What the hell was taking him so long? He said he was going to run home, pick up a change of clothes and stop in to see Sam. That was two hours ago. Maybe he'd gotten her to talk, he tried to reason with himself. Some how, the thought gave him little comfort. He didn't like the fact it was Daniel who'd been voted in to help Sam with her re-adjustment. Frankly, he was a little perturbed at Janet for taking Daniel's side, but maybe they were a little more objective than he was. He had to admit his judgment was a little cloudy when it came to Sam. Carter, damn it! Carter! That's probably why Fraiser agreed with Daniel he was too close to the situation.

Daniel looked up as he stepped from the elevator. "Jack! What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you. How's Sam?" Jack thought he detected a hint of a smile on Daniel's lips at his question.

"Fine, well, sort of."

"Why? What's wrong?" he didn't mean to sound so desperate.

"Nothing a little work won't cure," Daniel smiled, heading toward his lab. "You coming?"

Jack followed him down the hallway, waiting for him to unlock his door before he pounced on him. "Going nuts all ready, is she?"

"You know Sam," Daniel answered, picking up his coffee pot, heading back out to the hall to fill it from the drinking fountain.

"Yeah, I do," Jack muttered as Daniel left. It was unlikely he could do anything for Sam Daniel hadn't done, but it still galled him she'd been declared off limits until she returned to work. Janet even advised against him even calling her, which Jack thought a bit excessive.

Daniel returned, filling the coffee maker with water and new grounds. "So what did you guys talk about?" Jack prompted when it was clear Daniel wasn't going to start the conversation.

"Oh, this and that. You mostly."

"Me?"

"Well, stuff about how hard it was dealing with her memories of her other life with you." Jack looked at the floor, hands in his pockets. His head was bobbing in understanding. "And about how she felt bad because she made you uncomfortable, I think is the way she put it."

Jack's head snapped up. "She's worried this is awkward for me?"

"All of us, actually, you, me, Teal'c."

"It's not like she has a choice when she's been brainwashed!" Jack exclaimed.

Daniel shrugged. "I suppose she sees it as some kind of weakness. You know how she is about trying to be tough all the time."

"Yeah," said, nodding in agreement once more. "You really think it's better if I don't talk to her?"

"Right now? Yeah, I think I do. She needs to get over this. Mourn if you will. You have to remember, in her mind she's just lost a husband and a baby. I think she really needs some space."

"I suppose you're right. Any idea when she might be coming back to work?"

"That's up to Janet," Daniel said. Then smiling he added. "If Sam gets a hold of her, I'm betting it's before the week's out!"

Jack grinned as well. He could imagine her pacing around her house, doing all sorts of mundane tasks just to keep busy. Ten to one the next time he saw her book shelves, all of her books and CDs would be alphabetized and cross-referenced. That is if they weren't already!

"I'm going to sneak her out some work," Daniel confided. "Don't tell Janet or I'll be next on her hit list."

"What are you going to take her?"

"She asked about doing the report for her rescue."

"Is that wise?" Jack asked, "You and Fraiser keep saying she needs this time to 'heal.' Don't you think this is going to keep her thinking about it?"

"No, actually, I think it might do her some good. Maybe if she had to explain it from an impartial view point, it might put some perspective on it for her."

"You're the doctor, Doctor," Jack said, as he turned to leave. "I'm gonna let you get some work done. Thanks, Daniel."

Daniel's brow creased. "What for?"

"For being a friend. To both of us."

~45~

Sam stood just outside the first check-point into Cheyenne Mountain, smoothing down the top of her fatigues. Somehow, it seemed silly to be worried about the appearance of clothing made to get dirty, but she was nervous. It was the first time she'd been back inside the mountain since her rescue over a week ago.

Janet had pushed for more down time, but Sam pushed back harder, stating she'd need a padded room if she didn't have something productive to do. Finally, the doctor relented, allowing her back on part-time duty, and only in the lab. SG-1 was back on the rotation, but with Gregg Harrison still occupying her spot.

She had to admit while she found Captain Harrison a capable officer, she was jealous he was the one going out with her team. The sooner Janet gave her a clean bill of mental health, the sooner she'd be with them, back where she belonged.

Taking a few steps forward, Sam walked up to the check-point, happily signing in.

"Welcome back, Major," the young Airman manning the entrance said with a smile, giving her a salute.

Sam returned the smile, and the gesture. "Thank you, Airman." Taking a deep breath, she headed for the elevators.

Her first duty was to report to Janet; a concession she'd made to be allowed back in her lab. Walking the corridor of level 21, Sam witnessed Janet quickly ending a phone conversation with the words, "she's here." Giving her a guilty little smile, Janet turned to face Sam.

"Nothing like making a girl feel a little paranoid," Sam smiled, surprised at the butterflies she felt in her stomach.

"General Hammond requested to know when you arrived," Janet said as she settled her onto an exam table. Sam didn't quite buy it, but decided it wasn't worth questioning the doctor over.

"How is everything?" Janet asked.

Sam had to laugh. "Janet, we were at the movies last night! You know how I'm doing!"

"Humor me, Major," Janet said, her lips turned up slightly into a quirky grin. "This is Doctor Fraiser you're talking to now."

"Oh, sorry, _*Doctor,*_ I didn't see that phone booth you slipped into." Both women burst out laughing.

"Okay, now this is serious!" Janet said, her face neutral once more. "Have you noticed any residual side effects from the memory device?"

"Other than memories?" Sam quipped.

"You know what I mean."

Sam sighed. "No. Nothing physical, if that's what you're talking about. The site where it was placed is almost healed," she said, unconsciously touching her fingers to her temple.

Janet checked her vitals, noting them on her chart. "Other than your blood pressure and heart rate being slightly elevated, everything looks good."

Sam leaned forward and looked into her friend's eyes. "I'm nervous, Janet. What did you expect my blood pressure and heart rate to be?"

Patting Sam's arm, Janet gave her a warm smile. "I know. Once you're settled into your lab, I'm sure you'll feel better. Come on. I'll walk you."

"Really, Janet, I'm a big girl, I can handle a walk down the hallway."

"I know, but I'm headed that direction anyway."

"Fine," Sam said, wondering what was up. Her lab was in the opposite direction of the elevators, and the only thing beyond her work space was a few storage rooms.

Engaged in a discussion about the movie they'd seen the night before, Sam didn't notice the difference in her lab until she was practically inside.

"Welcome back!" the group before her called out. Sam was shocked. Inside her lab was her team, Captain Harrison, General Hammond, Sergeant Siler, and a few of the techs she worked with on a regular basis. The computer print-out banner proclaiming the same sentiment was suspended from clamps on the ceiling.

"I told you I was talking to General Hammond!" Janet grinned, pulling her into the room. Sam's mouth was still open, too astounded to reply. This was the last thing she expected! She thought for sure she'd be able to sneak into her lab without anyone noticing she'd returned. She wasn't sure who'd organized the gathering, but it warmed her heart to witness her friends supporting her return so whole-heartedly.

Just then Jack stepped forward, his eyes meeting hers. She was unprepared for the wave of emotion that passed over her. She'd missed him this past week, but she had no idea how much until she saw him standing before her. From the look on his face, he'd missed her too, and it endeared him to her even more.

She ached to wrap her arms around him, instead she clenched her hands into fists, willing her arms to stay at her side. Knowing they were both being watched very closely, she did her best to appear unaffected by his proximity. Her stomach was twisted in so many knots, it was almost painful. It was a good thing Janet wasn't checking her vitals now!

"Welcome back, Carter," he said, his voice almost husky, as he handed her a huge blueberry muffin with a candle in it.

Sam looked down at the muffin, certain if she kept looking at him she'd do something stupid. "A candle, sir?" She asked, trying to defuse the tension between them

Jack's hands slid into his pockets. "It's a party. Parties have candles, right?"

Sam's lips turned up at the corners as she tried to suppress a grin. She dared to look back up at him, saying. "I guess you're right, sir. I'd cut the cake, but I don't think there's enough to go around." The occupants of the room chuckled, then began moving forward to wish her well on the way to returning to their duties. Teal'c surprised her by engulfing her in a bear hug, dwarfing her.

"It is good to have you back once again, MajorCarter."

"Thanks, Teal'c. I'm glad to be back. Even if it is on a limited basis."

"I believe it will not be the case for long," he stressed, causing Sam to smile at his support.

Daniel was next. "You look great, Sam. I'm glad you're back." He too pulled her into a hug, not nearly as engulfing as Teal'c's.

"Thanks Daniel. I owe a lot of it to you," she said.

Janet was next, leaving her alone with Jack. Whether it was planned or not, Sam couldn't say, but she found herself even more nervous being alone with him.

Clearing his throat, Jack said, "Daniel's right you know. You look great."

Sam ducked her head, hoping he didn't notice the blush covering her cheeks. "Thank you, sir."

"You know, I would have come to see you if Doc Fraiser hadn't advised against it."

"I know." Chancing a glance back up at him, Sam realized why Janet had insisted he stay away. Looking into his eyes she felt the same emotions towards him as when she'd woken in the infirmary. If anything, the time apart only served to remind her how much he meant to her. How much she loved him.

But she had to use some of that famous Carter resolve to get over him. To forget what it was like to be held in his arms, even if hers were itching to wrap themselves around him.

"I, ah, probably better get going," he said. "Let you get to work. Plus, you've got that whole muffin to take care of."

Sam smiled at his attempt at levity, grateful he was trying to get things back to normal as well. She was turning to place the muffin on her desk when Jack stepped closer, kissing her lightly on the cheek.

"I mean it, Carter. I'm glad you're back." With that, he bolted from her lab, quickly putting some distance between them.

Sam watched him stride down the hall. "Me too, sir."

~46~

If Sam thought being back on base was what she needed to take her mind off Jack, boy, had she been wrong! Every time her mind had a free moment, it seemed to settle on him. What he was doing at that same moment; was he thinking of her? How much she just wanted to be with him. Not even to talk, necessarily, just be in the same room together.

She'd been concentrating so hard on expelling the sound of his voice from his head, that when he'd actually spoken, she passed it off as fantasy.

"Carter!" Jack called again, this time catching her attention.

"Ja. . .sir! I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in!" She tried to tone down her smile at seeing him but wasn't terribly successful, causing him to grin back at her. His smile had always effected her, and now it seemed even more painfully obvious how a wry grin from him could make or break her day.

"We're headed down to the commissary for lunch, wanna join us?"

"Us, sir?"

"Teal'c, Daniel, me," he added quietly. Sam was tempted in more ways than one, but she hadn't made much headway on her research that morning.

"I really should try and catch up on some of this back log, and. . ."

"Ah! I don't want to hear it! This is your first day back. No one expects you to solve the problems of the universe on an empty stomach."

"They're hardly the problems of the universe, and if you recall, I had a rather substantial breakfast not. . ." Sam paused for a moment, looking at her watch. "Wow, six hours ago!"

"I rest my case, Major."

"I appreciate the offer, sir, really, I do, but the experiment I'm running right now is rather sensitive. I don't know that I should leave right now."

Jack looked a bit hurt, as if she was rejecting him, when in reality she was dying to join him. She just didn't think it was a good idea to be alone with him. Well, sort of alone. Daniel and Teal'c would be there, but in some ways that would be worse. She knew she had her friend's support, but she also knew they would be watching her for inappropriate behavior toward their CO. It was bad enough when strangers in the facility speculated on them; it was worse when it was friends.

Shrugging his shoulders, Jack tried to appear casual, as if he wasn't taking her refusal personally. "Suit yourself, but just remember-Doc's got her eye on you!" Sam grinned at his implication, knowing full well he spoke the truth.

"I'll get something in a little bit, I promise."

"Okay. See you later."

Sam watched him leave her lab. Why did he have to say that? Was it merely a form of farewell, or did he truly mean he _*would*_ see her later? Now her mind was buzzing once more, completely distracted from the job at hand.

She hadn't been entirely truthful about her experiment. It needed to be run, and it was sensitive, but she hadn't started it yet. Perhaps she should work on making her fib a fact.

~47~

Jack walked away from Sam's lab, hands in his pockets, trying not to feel hurt at turning him down. It wasn't odd for her to refuse, he tried to tell himself. How many times had she actually taken him up on his offer to join them for lunch? It just seemed as if she was more stand-offish than usual. More guarded-something.

He could hardly blame her when he didn't feel that comfortable around her either. That's why he'd asked her to lunch. Maybe if the four of them spent a little bit of time together, they'd get back their "groove." If he was truthful, he wanted the safety net that came with being in a group. He wanted to talk to her, assure himself she was coping with her old life, but he couldn't do it one-on-one.

He'd met Daniel and Teal'c as planned, lingering in the commissary after they'd left, hoping he'd see Sam come in for something to eat and possibly join him. He felt like a kid with a crush, hoping the girl who'd caught his eye would come into the school lunchroom and maybe favor him with a glance or a smile. Finishing up the last of the cold coffee in his mug, Jack realized what he was doing, and shook his head at his behavior. It was then he noticed how late it had gotten. Not only had he blown most of his afternoon, but Sam still hadn't come in for something to eat. He'd take her a sandwich, he decided. Nothing wrong with a friend dropping off a snack, he reasoned. He'd do the same for Daniel, he told himself. Only difference was, he wouldn't have noticed if Daniel had eaten or not.

Picking up a sandwich, Jack also grabbed an orange juice, hoping it would carry her until dinner. Dinner made him think of the food he'd purchased her nearly a week ago. Surly that was gone by now. Had she gone grocery shopping?

"Jeeze," he muttered to himself, as he made his way to her lab. He was getting worse than mother hen. The woman was certainly capable of taking care of herself, whether she was confused or not. Riding in the elevator, Jack thought seriously about what it must have been like for Sam, waking up in the infirmary, convinced she'd been married to him, and having lost a child. It was like some kind of reverse amnesia.

He had to admit he didn't let himself dwell on what she'd told him about their marriage. No sense pondering the what-ifs of the situation when it would never happen. Not that it wasn't a pleasant thought, though. And one he found himself wondering about more daily.

Looking up, Jack realized he'd reached Sam's door. He never realized how automatic the journey had become for him lately, even passing the infirmary without concern someone might notice him. However, now that he was there, he was nervous. What was he going to say to her? Chastise her for missing lunch? How far could he stretch the excuse of being her commanding officer concerned for her welfare?

Jack peered into the lab, noting Sam was wearing a pair of protective goggles, tinkering with some hunk of. . .something. Not wanting to startle her, he watched her for a few minutes, smiling as he observed her concentrating on her work. Suddenly, Sam stood up, looking straight at him. For a moment time froze as they simply stared at each other, neither finding the words or the need to speak.

Clearing his throat, Jack broke their eye contact, stepping further into the room. "You never showed up for lunch," he gently rebuked, "so lunch came to you."

Sam smiled, accepting the sandwich and plastic bottle of juice he held out to her. "Thank you, sir. It really wasn't necessary, but I appreciate it." Her fingers accidentally brushed his as she accepted the food, and again they both stopped, aware of the undercurrent of tension that instantly rose between them. Was it always going to be this difficult? Every touch electrifying, igniting something they both knew was impossible?

"So, whatcha workin' on?" he asked, unconsciously picking up a black block from her work bench.

"I'm not sure," she said, automatically removing the object from his fingers. SG-11 brought it back with them, I guess a few days ago, and so far no one's got a clue what it is."

"Yeah, I remember when they brought this through," he said. "Major Matteson kept asking when you were going to be back. He's certainly dying to know what it is."

"Well, it's a good thing he didn't try to tinker with it," Sam said, pulling up stool, indicating he should sit. "Or he might have been just dying. I've found it's got quite a few fail-safes."

Taking a seat herself, it didn't escape Jack's notice how close she sat to him. It was as if for the moment she'd forgot the constraints of their ranks and saw him merely as Jack. Hopefully, she wouldn't realize how familiar she was acting and literally back off. She was so intent on her description of what she'd discovered about the gizmo, she didn't realize how relaxed she'd become with him.

Jack completely zoned out her explanation, concentrating on her actions rather than her lecture on alien technology. He loved to watch her when she was deep in thought. Especially when she was expounding on some theory. A light came into her eyes, a passion to her voice that made him want to reach out an touch her, to share in her enthusiasm. He knew he was staring at her, enthralled with her beauty both inside and out.

She was staring back at him, with a glazed look, one he knew was echoed on his own face. Lord, he wanted to kiss her when she looked at him like that! Suddenly realizing what he was about to do, Jack blinked, sitting up straighter, pulling away from her.

Jack gave a little cough. "Um, I should let you eat." Nodding, Sam half-heartedly agreed, dipping her head, but not before he saw the frown etched between her brows. Jack hated seeing that expression, but didn't know what he could do to ease it. Obviously they weren't going to get back to their professional roles at this rate.

Jack stood, heading for the door, then turned. "Hey, Carter," he said, hoping the use of her last name would give them both a little perspective. "I was thinking of getting a poker game together later. You up for it?" Somehow they had to get things back on track, and a nice friendly game of cards, along with a little beer might be what they all needed.

Watching the emotions crossing her face, he could see she was contemplating the dangers as well as the benefits of spending some down time with him. "I don't know, sir, I'm not so sure it's a good idea. . . ."

"Come on, Carter! It'll be an early night, I promise. It's been too long since we all got together and relaxed.

"Well, if it's not too late. . . ."

"I promise, I'll have you in bed by 2300." Sam's eyes widened, causing Jack to realize what he'd just said.

"I don't mean _*I'll*_ have you in bed. . .I just meant that. . . ."

Sam's turned up grin let him off the hook. "I knew what you meant, sir. Sure. It sounds like fun."

"Great! I'll set it up. 2000. Bring some beer," he added with a smile. Walking away from her lab, he decided this was the right thing to do. Everyone needed some time to get reacquainted, and this was as good a way as any.

~48~

Sam pulled up to Jack's house, noting Daniel was there, presumably with Teal'c. Janet's car was also parked in the drive-way, making her the last to arrive. Well, it was better than being alone with Jack in his house, she reasoned. She knew Janet had been invited as a friend, but wondered how much of the doctor she'd brought with her as well.

Staring at the exterior of the house, Sam felt a rush come over her, almost like an intense feeling of deja vu. In some ways it was, she remembered how she felt the first time she'd arrived at the house with Jack, after their supposed honeymoon. She'd been so skeptical of his claim they'd been living together, it took until they were inside for her to believe him. Now, seeing the house invoked bittersweet emotions. Remembrances of the time she'd lived there, and the harsh reality she no longer did.

Gathering her courage, Sam opened the car door, then walked around to her trunk, retrieving a case of beer. It was probably too much, but then they'd have extra in case friends dropped by. Shaking her head, she corrected herself. _*The Colonel*_ would have extra if he had guests. Was she ever going to stop thinking of him in terms of them?

Janet said she needed time. To be fair, she had to agree a week wasn't enough time to get over her experience. The worst of it was the implanted thoughts came to mind unbidden at the worst time. That afternoon, when Ja. . .the colonel, had brought her lunch, the first thought she had was how skipping meals wasn't good for the baby. It took her a moment to remember _*she*_ was the only one she had to worry about over a lack of carbohydrates. It wasn't constant, just nagging little thoughts that would steal into her mind at inappropriate times. What was she going to do if she was on a mission and she became distracted as she did now? She could compromise the safety of the team. No doubt it was the reason Janet hadn't cleared her for 'gate travel yet.

Walking up to the door, Sam was just shifting her load to knock when the door flew open, revealing a grinning Daniel.

"About time you got here! We were about to send out SG-3 for you!"

Sam smiled as she handed Daniel the case of beer, disappointed yet relieved Jack hadn't answered the door. "I got out of the lab later than I thought," she said, feeling guilty for the white lie she told her friend. True, she worked longer than she should have, but her tardiness was due to sitting in her house, trying to make up her mind if she was really going to come or not. At the last minute, she decided to not show up would be cowardly. If she hoped to be a functioning member of SG-1 again, she was going to need some practice in the courage department.

"I told Jack that, but you know him, for some reason he was convinced you weren't coming."

_*He's probably as nervous as I am,*_ Sam thought, stepping into the foyer. If she experienced a sense of deja vu from the outside, looking around the interior of the house hit her with such a force, she felt her knees grow weak. For a moment she was disoriented. The furniture was back in its customary location; Jack's things spread around. It looked so different from how she remembered it. The sofa sat where her bookcase had stood. Her stereo was missing. Instead Jack's out-dated system stood in the corner. They'd relegated it to the bedroom once her things had been moved in. At least that's how he'd explained it's absence to her.

Viewing the living room, Sam felt a loss. Their belongings had merged well together. As well as they had.

"Sam? You okay?" Daniel asked, concern in his eyes.

"Yeah," she answered a little breathlessly. "It's just kind of a shock. The last time I was here, it looked a lot different."

Daniel's mouth opened and closed, unsure how to respond to her statement. Reaching out, Sam patted his arm. "It's okay, Daniel. You don't have to say anything. It's just going to take some getting used to. At least that's what Janet keeps telling me." Looking up, Sam added a little too brightly. "And speak of the Devil! I'm sorry I'm late. I hope I didn't hold things up too long."

Sam didn't miss the concerned look passing between her friends as Janet smiled, pulling her further into the room. "No, you didn't. The colonel's still getting the table set up. I was helping with the snacks when I heard you come in. So, how are you doing with all this?"

"By this, I assume you mean being back in what was my home with Jack?"

Janet looked a little uncomfortable. "Yeah."

"Honestly? It's hard, Janet. When I walked in, it was such a shock to see things back the way they were, I mean before I moved in with him. I mean before I _*thought*_ I'd moved in with him." Sam buried her face in her hands. "Oh, God. Is this ever going to get any easier?"

Janet put her arm around her shoulders, giving her a hug. "Eventually, yeah. I know this is really hard for you, Sam, but I think the sooner you start to realize the memories you have aren't real, the sooner you'll be back to your old self."

Pulling away from her, Sam said, "it's not that I don't know they're fake. I do. But I don't want them to be," she quietly admitted.

"What are you saying?"

"Janet, you know how I feel about Jack," she said, not even trying to recover and call him by his rank. "I _*liked*_ that life. I _*want*_ that life! It's a little hard to convince myself it's better this way when I don't believe it!"

"You know why you can't have that life," Janet said.

"Of course I do," Sam sighed. "It's just that it's so hard when there's so many constant reminders of it. Like today, he brought me lunch because I was working, and I accepted it like it was a normal occurrence. Because it's a gesture a husband might do for a wife. It wasn't until he'd left I realized how unusual it'd been. Sure, he bugs me to eat like the rest of you, but he's never brought me food, at least at work."

"Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for you to come over here tonight," Janet said, worry creasing her brow. "I thought maybe if you had more tangible evidence that _*this*_ is real, it might be easier to accept."

Sam gave her a sad smile. "It's not a question of real. It's going back to Purgatory once you've been to Heaven."

Janet started to speak when Jack interrupted them. "Hey, there you guys are. We playing cards or what?"

"Oh, right," Janet said. "That activity between drinking beer. We'll be there in a minute."

Jack grinned at Sam. "Hey, Carter. Glad you made it."

Sam managed a smile of her own. "Wouldn't miss it, sir."

~49~

Sam sat back finishing off the last of her beer, watching the fierce compitition between Jack and Daniel. For having such an expressive face, Daniel was a surprisingly good poker player. While Jack might have strategy on his side, Daniel had bluffing down to an art. How he could call up that innocent face on demand amazed her.

"I need another beer. Any one else need one?" she asked, rising.

"I'll take one," Jack said, not lifting his gaze from the cards in his hands.

"I'm okay," Daniel said, equally engrossed in the competition. Sam shook her head as made her way towards the kitchen. Teal'c was fine with his soda, and Janet declined as well.

Entering the kitchen for the first time that evening, Sam was relieved very little was different from the way she remembered. Apparently she hadn't had much in the way of kitchen accessories to add to his home. Sam opened the refrigerator, bending down to extract two beers. She looked up at the sound of the swinging door, smiling when she saw Janet.

"The colonel sent me for more snacks. Apparently if I'm not in the game I'm waitstaff."

Sam smiled at her comment. "So, what's he want?" She asked, opening the door to the cupboard where she had kept the snacks. Seeing a stack of plates, she felt her color. "I forgot. He keeps his munchies near the sink."

Janet looked at her, clearly debating whether she should say something.

"What?"

"I feel like I'm harping on this, Sam, but are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a little disoriented for a second. Kind of like when you move your furniture around and it's the first time you've walked through the room in the dark."

Janet nodded, reaching for a bag of corn chips. Sam was twisting off the caps of the beers when she noticed several lying in the sink. Suddenly, her eyes began to well up with unshed tears.

"Sam? What's wrong?" Janet asked, instantly by her side, engulfing her in a hug.

Sniffling, Sam managed, "there's bottle caps in the sink."

Turning her head, Janet agreed. "Yeah, there's always caps in his sink when we're drinking beer. What's the big deal?"

Sam pulled back, wiping her eyes. "We had a fight about the bottle caps. It was stupid, really, but he was making me start to believe we really were married, and I guess it was easier, safer, to start a fight than admit I was falling in love with him."

Janet seemed surprised at Sam's candor. "Are you in love with him?"

"A few weeks ago, I would have said I didn't know. I mean there's always been the attraction, and the kind of deep caring that comes from being a close team."

"And now?"

Sam was blinking her eyes trying to dispel the moisture once more. Unable to meet her gaze, she looked down, sighing. "Yeah, Janet, I am. And I don't know what to do about it."

Just then Jack came bounding into the kitchen. "Hey, ladies, what's the hold up with the beer and munchies? I just beat the pants off Daniel and I need to celebrate!" Noticing the expressions on their faces, Jack's exuberance melted away. "Um, I interrupt something?"

Sam did her best to give him a happy smile. "Not at all, just a little girl talk, right Janet?"

"Right. Hey, if you really beat the pants off Daniel, I better get in there before I miss the show," Janet said, quickly leaving the kitchen. For a moment, Sam panicked, left alone with Jack. She was surprised Janet was in such a hurry to leave them together, in light of their conversation. Didn't she realize how vulnerable she was right now?"

"I did interrupt something, didn't I?" Jack asked, looking sheepish.

"It was nothing, sir. Don't worry about it. Wow! Would you look at the time? You know, I really should get going. I've got a big day tomorrow, and I still haven't figured out that black box of SG-11's." She left her untouched beer on the counter as she started to step around him to leave.

Jack put out his hand to stop her, then quickly pulled back when he realized he was holding on to her upper arm. "You sure you have to go? I mean you haven't given me a chance to win back all the money you took from me."

Sam looked up into his eyes, feeling her heart beat faster. This room, this house, held too many recent memories for her, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to pretend it didn't. Her voice caught as she stared into his eyes. "Yeah, I do have to go." Sam turned, determined to get out of his home with a small amount of dignity.

"Just remember you owe me a rain check on winning that money back."

His words caused Sam to stop for a moment, as she remembered promising him a rain check for something a little more intimate, not that long ago. "I'll see you in the morning, sir."

~50~

Jack sat in his office attempting to make some sense of his paperwork. It always amazed him how it seemed to multiply when he had a day off. What the heck was going on in that inbox while he was gone, anyway? Hammond had also handed him a mission brief for an upcoming assignment he would be discussing with him and the rest of SG-1 later that morning. The General left it up to him whether to include Sam in the mission or not.

It had been two week's since Sam's flight from his house the night of the poker game, and she didn't seem to be getting any closer to her old self. If anything, she seem even more depressed. Thinking what she needed was more time with the team, he made an effort for the four of them to spend as much time together at work as possible. Janet told him something of what she'd discussed with Sam at his house that night, but due to patient confidentiality, she'd been pretty vague. Suffice it to say, Sam was having more trouble coping with her memories than Janet thought she would. Jack could feel it too. Often when they were in the commissary or other public room, he'd feel her eyes on him. When he'd catch her, she'd quickly look away, but not before he'd seen the longing in her gaze.

Did she realize it wasn't any easier on him? He'd always wanted more of a relationship with her. When she'd been the one holding them in check, he managed to stick to the rules. But now the excuse of regulations was growing thinner by the day. When he remembered how panicked he'd been when he thought he'd lost her, he wondered why he bothered fighting his feelings for her. If only he didn't have to choose between her and the SGC. Not for the first time, he found himself envious of his fictitious double. One thing was for certain-the SGC needed the "old" Sam back. Even if that meant their future was put on an indefinite hold.

Perhaps this cake-walk mission would be the way to ease her back into her former role. _*Yeah, cake-walk*_ he thought. Just like P2X993 had been a day at the beach. There was no such thing as an easy mission when you were on another planet. Some were just less intense than others.

"Okay. Carter's in," he said aloud. Deciding the sooner they all were comfortable with 'gate travel again, the sooner they could put the last six weeks behind them. He kept Harrison on as well. Perhaps if he worked with Carter he'd gain some insight into her methods. Not that he wasn't good, but a little tutoring from the best couldn't hurt.

The briefing wasn't scheduled until after lunch and as usual, Sam wasn't in the commissary. Sitting with Daniel, Teal'c and Janet, Jack wondered if anyone else noticed she was missing.

"Hey, there you are," Daniel said, scooting over so Sam could pull up a chair next to him. For the first time in ages, Jack noticed excitement shining in her eyes, and he decided including her in the mission had been a wise choice.

"I finally cracked that box SG-11 brought back!" she enthused. "It's a type of energy storage unit."

"You mean like a battery," Jack smiled, enjoying baiting her.

"Well, in a way," she said, reaching over snatching a carrot from Jack's plate. At first he was a little surprised at the familiar gesture, but then they _*were*_ all friends. He supposed it wasn't so odd she'd helped herself to something from his meal. Munching on the vegetable stick, Sam continued. "you saw how small it was! From what I've been able to determined, it'll store enough juice to power the gate several times over. And it'll store several types of energy at the same time-naquada based and some I don't even have a name for yet." Throughout her explanation, Sam continued to help herself to food from Jack's plate, as if she didn't even notice what she was doing. "Boy, I didn't realize how hungry I was," she smiled snitching one last bite from his plate.

Jack just stared at her, unsure what to say. She'd certainly never acted so at ease with him before, and he found himself a bit concerned. Did she have any idea how intimate her actions appeared? It was beginning to make him feel a bit uncomfortable, witnessing the startled looks the others around the table were giving him. Just then, Sam reached out a hand, wiping a spot at the corner of his mouth, her thumb stroking his bottom lip as she removed a bit of food.

"Sorry, Jack, you had something stuck there," she grinned.

Jack's eyes widened in shock, glancing quickly at the stunned faces of his friends. "Ah, thanks, _*Major,*_" he said hoping she'd take the hint and realize how personal her behavior had become.

Sam blinked, as if suddenly comprehending what she'd been doing. "Oh, God, sir! I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking I was. . . . Oh, God," she muttered again, rushing away from the table, her face flushed bright red.

"Carter!" Jack called out, starting to follow her when Janet stopped him.

"Sir, maybe you better let me."

Jack clenched his napkin in his hand, frustrated to be side-lined. But Janet was right. It probably was better if he didn't talk to Sam right now. Taking his seat once more, he noticed Daniel peering over the rim of his glasses at him.

"Ah, what was that?"

"MajorCarter seems most confused," Teal'c added.

"Ya think?" Jack raked a hand through his hair. "You're guess is as good as mine what's up. I mean I really thought she was doing better. I know she's still kind of depressed, but since she's known about that altered memory device, she's never just started acting like. . .like. . ."

"Like she was your wife?" Daniel supplied

"Well, yeah. Man, that was weird! It was like she was having flashbacks or something!"

"I have heard of such occurrences when one is no longer in possession of Eros' Elixir," Teal'c said. "Although, I believe such behavior is typical for those who have had long-term exposure."

"You mean you think they used that stuff on Sam and she's going through some kind of withdrawal? She couldn't have been on it very long."

"Eros Elixir is designed to deceive the emotions of a Goa'uld, whether that of a Jaffa or a fully blended host. I believe if the same dose was given to a Human, it would be addictive much quicker."

Jack leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. "Great. _*Now*_ what do we do? I can't take Carter off-world when she's like this." Spreading his fingers, looking at Teal'c, Jack added. "Ya know, you could have _*mentioned*_ this little detail when we brought her back."

"I did not think it would have been necessary for Eros to deceive MajorCarter in such a manner."

Jack looked at Teal'c, knowing full well what he was getting at. Sam didn't need any kind of a push where her feelings towards him were concerned. Daniel too looked as though he hadn't missed the inference, but fortunately chose not to comment on it.

"So, there must be some kind of antidote or something," Jack said, giving Teal'c a hopeful look.

"I do not believe I have ever heard of one. That does not mean one does not exist."

"So where do we get that?" Daniel asked.

"Madam Rue?" Jack said. "'You know, that gypsy with the gold tattoo?'"

Teal'c frowned. "I do not believe I know a Jaffa by the name of 'Madame Rue.'"

Daniel tried to suppress a grin. "Jack was trying to be funny, Teal'c. It's a line from a song called 'Love Potion Number Nine.'"

"I am only acquainted with only one love potion, as I said."

"Never Mind! Jeeze, Teal'c! You can kill a joke faster than anyone I know!"

"Maybe we should get to briefing," Daniel suggested. "I think General Hammond is going to want to hear this latest news."

~51~

George Hammond was not a happy camper, as O'Neill would have said. Not only had he bent the rules more times than he could count where SG-1 was concerned, their last mission had been about as unorthodox as he could imagine. And now they wanted to go _*back?*_

"Colonel," Hammond chuckled. "I'd like to think I've got as good a sense of humor as the next man, but you can't be serious about returning to Eros' ship!"

"Look, General, I know it sounds crazy. . ."

"No, crazy was letting you go off with Jacob on an unofficial mission to go looking for _*one*_ missing team member. It's insane to even _*think*_ about purposely seeking out a Goa'uld who's probably already got revenge on his mind!"

Jack held up his hand. "Um, for the record is 'insane' worse than 'crazy?'"

"Jack," Hammond said, "you're trying my patience."

O'Neill actually had the good sense to look contrite. "Yes, sir."

"Well, we have to do something!" Daniel cried. "I mean we can't just leave Sam this way!"

"Yeah, spontaneous bouts of affection really _*are*_ hazardous to her health," Jack mumbled under his breath.

"You sound like you don't want to help her!"

"Of course I want to help her, Daniel! Didn't I just ask the General to let us go find Eros? I'm just saying I don't think the situation is as bad as you're making it out to be. She's not incapacitated just because she thinks she was married to me!"

"Gentlemen, please! I think we can all agree this situation doesn't bode well for Major Carter. Doctor, what can you tell me about her condition?"

Janet glanced at the men around the table. "Well, sir, physically, there's absolutely nothing wrong with her. Emotionally, that's a different story. I have to agree with Colonel O'Neill when he says she's not incapacitated, at least on some levels."

"I'm not sure I know what you mean, Doctor."

"She's perfectly capable of performing her job in the lab. In a combat situation? I can't say how she might react. Especially if something were to happen to the colonel," she quietly added, looking down at the table.

"So what you're telling me is her judgment is being impaired by her false memories."

"Not her false memories, necessarily. Most of the time she knows what's real and what she's been given. The behavior I witnessed in the commissary was different from when she woke up in the infirmary initially. This was more like a. . .

"Flashback?" Jack offered.

"For lack of a better term, yes. Like a drug-induced flashback. Symptomatic of withdrawal."

"You mean like a from a hallucinogenic substance," Hammond clarified.

"Yeah, you know, like the Seventies. You remember the Seventies, don't you, General?"

"Not in quite the same way you do, I'm sure, Colonel." Turning his attention back to Fraiser once more, Hammond asked, "I take it you have nothing to counter-act this drug?"

"Sir, I can't even find traces of it in her blood. If I could find enough of it, I might be able to synthesize a counter-agent. I wouldn't have even suspected anything like this if Teal'c hadn't told me about the cumulative effects of this. . .potion."

Hammond's brow creased as he took in the information the people at the table had presented him. The outlook didn't look good so far. "Teal'c, providing I authorize a mission, does this Eros have an antidote for his Elixir?"

"I am not certain, GeneralHammond. I do know he is the only one likely to have it. I do not believe even his companion, Psyche knows his secrets."

"How long before the Elixir works it's way out of the body?"

"As far as I know, the continued need never leaves," Teal'c said.

"So what you're telling me, is Major Carter will not recover on her own."

"I do not believe so."

Hammond ran a hand over his smooth head, blowing out a breath as he leaned back in his chair. "Doctor, you said the Major's judgment is being impaired, but what about in the lab. Won't her judgment be in question there as well?"

"Well, it's not a life or death situation, sir. I can't recommend her for field assignments. At least with SG-1," she said pointedly.

"But if she was assigned to a different unit, then what?"

Janet looked surprised, as if she'd never considered the option. "Then I would probably say there wouldn't be a problem."

"General, you can't break up SG-1! She's a great second-in-command, but she's _*my*_ 2IC!"

"I think that's part of the problem, Colonel." Jack looked confused, but Hammond knew he'd gotten his meaning. He wasn't blind. He knew Sam Carter's feelings for her CO weren't the only emotions in question. On the one hand, transferring her to another team might make things worse. How distracted would Carter be if O'Neill was on one world and she was on another? He wouldn't be doing anyone any favors by splitting them up. And what if Teal'c was right and these spontaneous flashbacks never went away? The more he looked at the problem, the more he was beginning to realize the only true solution would be to let O'Neill and the rest of SG-1 attempt the impossible once more. Lord knew Jack would never let up on him about seeking out Eros. Perhaps it was better to bite the bullet and get it over with.

"Even though it's against my better judgment. . ."

"Thank you, sir!" Jack cried, jumping to his feet.

"Jack, at least do me the courtesy of _*pretending*_ to allow me to authorize this mission?"

"Yes, sir," he said, taking his seat once more.

"As I was saying, I'll give you a go, _*providing*_ we get in touch with the Tok'ra. I'm not so sure they're going to allow Jacob to take off on a personal matter again, but you need a ship, and they're the only ones likely to have one."

"Great," Jack said, slumping in his chair. "We all remember how 'prompt' the Tok'ra were the last time."

"Colonel, those are my terms. Take them or leave them."

Jack straightened up in his chair. "Thank you, sir. Will you be contacting the Tok'ra or would you like me to?"

"I think I'll let you have the honors, Colonel."

"Oh, joy," he said just loud enough for Hammond catch his remark.

"Something you'd like to add, Jack?"

"Me, sir?" he said with an innocent smile. "No, sir."

Hammond just shook his head. Well, if nothing else this mission would get O'Neill out from underfoot. He just hoped Jack and his team would return to continue to plague him.

~52~

Sam had never been so mortified in her life. What the hell had she been thinking eating from Jack's plate like that? Wiping off his face as if they were the only two in the room? And even if they _*had*_ been the only two in the room, what on Earth possessed her to act so informal with him? The worst of it was it felt so natural, so right. She hadn't even noticed what she was doing until he'd addressed her by her rank.

Sitting at the intersection, waiting for the light to change, Sam buried her face in her hands. Even alone her cheeks were flushed red with embarrassment. How was she going to face him again? Or the rest of her friends for that matter? Janet had followed her to the lab, offering soothing words and reassurances, but Sam knew the truth without Janet articulating it-she wasn't fit for off-world duty when her emotions were so out of control.

The light changed, and Sam turned to the left, not really paying attention to the direction she was heading. She'd been fine! Well, at least as fine as she could be. She accepted the fact her memories had been altered. She _*knew*_ that. Not that it made being around Jack any easier, but it also meant she didn't go around acting like "that Sam" since the day he convinced her she'd been manipulated. It was almost like she was possessed. She'd never encountered someone with multiple personalities, but from what she'd heard, it was the best way she could think to describe her situation. Now she had to worry about when her "evil twin" was going to pop out?

No, not an evil twin, she decided, just a version of herself that still believed the fantasy she was married to Jack. And when she was "herself" again, she was left to take care of the damage control. God, what a mess!

Sam continued to muse on the latest curve Psyche and Eros had thrown her when she noticed where she'd driven. It wasn't home, as she had intended. At least her home. It was Jack's. Shaking her head, an ironic laugh escaped Sam as she sat at curb, engine idling.

"Christ, I can't even drive myself home," she commented aloud, finding no humor in the fact she'd automatically ended up at Jack's. Staring at the house, Sam knew she should just pull out into the road and return to her own house. She'd used the analogy of being possessed, right? What better way to exorcise demons than to face them? Maybe if she went inside, wandered around, proving to herself it was just _*his*_ house and not theirs she could keep "Samantha" at bay.

Sam's gaze flicked to the rear-view mirror, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. It was early. Jack would likely be at the base for hours, if not overnight. She should have time to walk through his house and be gone before he even left the SGC.

Cutting the motor, Sam stepped out of her car, checking the key ring for Jack's extra key. They'd all agreed it was a good idea each member of the team had spare keys to the other's dwellings should some emergency arise. She doubted this was Jack's intention when he'd given her the key, but she hoped he wouldn't mind. It wasn't like she was entering to steal his beer or anything!

The interior of the house was surprisingly cool. He'd drawn the drapes to keep out the afternoon sun, casting the living room in almost an ethereal glow. It looked so different, she thought, feeling the ache in the pit of her stomach. After the poker night, she thought it might be easier seeing the house void of her things, but this afternoon it seemed to drive home the fact her belongings had never been here. Trailing her fingers along the arm of the sofa, she thought it really did look better against the other wall. Maybe if she moved it, he'd realize it looked better too.

Without another thought, Sam started tugging the heavy couch across the floor, having to move other pieces of furniture out of the way to reposition the lounge. Once in place Sam decided the end table had to go at the other end, and a lamp needed to be moved as well. Fifteen minutes later, Sam stood back to survey her work. It really made the room look bigger she decided. Surly Jack would agree.

Moving into the kitchen, she thought the way he had things organized really wasn't the most efficient. She started out moving plates, but soon had the contents of all the cupboards strewn across the countertops as she rearranged things.

Satisfied with her results, Sam roamed the rest of the house, straightening a book here, adjusting a frame there until she came to the patio door. Stepping out onto the deck, she realized the lawn could use some attention which brought back memories of the day they'd had their water fight. That was the night things really started to fall into place with her and Jack, and she felt an overwhelming sense of loss. She'd never have that kind of relationship with him. Not as long as she remained in the Air Force. Or he did. And she didn't see either of them able to leave.

Sam sighed, sliding open the patio door, stepping back into the cool, quiet house. There was just one more room she had to see, then she'd go, she told herself. This was one room she hadn't seen the night they played cards. A room she wouldn't allow herself to see. But if she was going to face all her memories within this house, this was a room she couldn't ignore.

Climbing the stairs, Sam was surprised to find the door fully shut. Why would he shut the door to his bedroom when he was the only one in the house? She opened the door, and a grin broke out across her face. Just as she suspected, the bed was unmade, clothes strewn on the floor, and magazines were falling off the night stand. The sight was actually the most reassuring one she'd seen since she'd entered the house. For a military guy, he sure could be a slob! It was one of the things she loved about him. It was as if this was his one act of rebellion in a completely ordered existence.

Picking up T-shirts and jeans, she placed them in the laundry basket in his closet, lingering over one shirt. It was old and faded, but the stylized "Maui" was still clearly readable. Obviously this had come from a trip prior to their honeymoon. Perhaps a vacation that inspired him to take her there for their post-wedding trip.

Next she headed for the bed, smoothing out sheets and rearranging blankets. Suddenly she stopped. Looking at the bed, she remembered the last time they'd made love. He'd started out so serious, taking her to heights even he hadn't achieved, only to later have her in a fit of giggles as his playful side won out. Smiling, Sam sat on the bed, stroking his pillow, remembering how they would lay on their sides, facing each other, talking about their respective days, names for the baby or even such inane topics as the weather. It didn't matter. When she gazed into his brown eyes, and saw the love and affection she was sure was mirrored in her own, they could have been talking about sports scores and she would have hung onto his every word.

Sam couldn't resist the urge to lay on her right side facing Jack's side of the bed. Curling up, she hugged his pillow to her chest, trying her best to fight the pain around her heart. Slow tears leaked from her eyes as she buried her face into the pillow, taking in his scent.

"I love you, Jack," she mumbled into the collection of feathers. "I miss you so much."

~53~

It had been a long day, and Jack was ready to go home. After meeting with Hammond, he'd gone to Sam's lab to tell her the latest news, only to find it empty. Surprised, he contacted Janet who informed him she'd sent Sam home. Apparently she'd been incredibly upset at her "slip-up" in the commissary. He had to admit he was a little uncomfortable with her display. Not so much with her actions as the location. He contemplated going over to her house to see if she was okay, but he wasn't sure what he'd say to her. The trouble was, he really hadn't minded the familiarity. In fact, there was a corner of himself that actually enjoyed her being relaxed enough with him to be so casual. Still, it was probably for the best she had some time alone to deal with what had happened earlier.

Having resolved returning home was the best course of action, Jack was surprised to see Sam's car parked outside his house.

_*She probably came to apologize,*_ he thought to himself as he pulled into the drive. There really was no need, but he could see Sam feeling the need to clear the air. Walking over to her car, he noticed she wasn't there. She'd let herself in? Not that it upset him, it was more that it seemed out of character for her. If she'd come to apologize, she wouldn't be taking liberties like letting herself into his home.

Curiosity now piqued, Jack entered the house. "Carter?" He called out, but there was no answer. It was dark in the living room, but he knew his way around, so declined turning on a light. Suddenly, his shin connected with what felt like the coffee table.

"Son of a bi. . . . " He took another step forward and ran into another piece of furniture. Fumbling along the wall, he felt a light switch under his fingers. As the room became illuminated, he started. "What the hell. . . .?" Okay, now he was getting worried. Sam didn't just drop by and start rearranging his furniture! "Sam?" He called out, running from one room to the next, but he still hadn't found her. Was she upstairs? He could recall only one instance where she'd been in his room, to borrow a shirt, and she'd been so nervous, she just about jumped out of her skin. Of course that was before they were married in her head. Now it was all falling into place. He'd heard her mentioning to Janet the night of the poker game how the furniture was in a different place than "they" had it. Was she trying to recapture a bit of their life together by rearranging his house?

He was taking the steps two at a time; something was obviously not right with her. His bedroom door was ajar and he distinctly remembered closing it before he left. Bursting into the room he saw Sam lying on his bed, curled into a ball with his pillow clutched to her chest. For a moment he stood frozen, unsure what to do. This was a side of Sam he'd never seen, and frankly it was unnerving.

Jack sat on the edge of the bed, thinking his movement would jostle her awake. Sam hadn't stirred, forcing him to reach out and gently shake her. "Carter," he said quietly. "Carter! You okay?"

Sam jerked, instantly awake. "Jack!" she smiled, sitting up. Then suddenly, the smile faded, "um, sir." She ran her hands through her hair, looking around the room. "What am I doing here?"

"I was kinda hoping you could tell me. What's with the redecorating?"

"Redecorating?"

"The living room?" he reminded her. At her blank expression he elaborated. "Moving the furniture?"

Sam's hand came up to her mouth. "Oh, my, God! I really did that? I was having a dream and I thought. . . ."

"Looks like you picked up in here, too."

Sam gazed around the room, as if to verify she really had done what she thought was a dream. "Oh, shit," she said, burying her face in her hands. "That means I did the kitchen, too."

"Well, it's not a service I usually expect from my 2ICs, but hey. . . ." Jack tried to joke, but it didn't have the desired effect. Sam's face was still hidden by her hands, and Jack couldn't resist pulling them away to look into her eyes.

"It's okay, Carter. The place could do with an overhaul."

"No! It's not okay!" she cried, embarrassment abandoned for anger. "Don't you see? I didn't intended to come here today! I was at the intersection and instead of going right, I turned left, and I didn't even realize it until I was outside of your house! And then I just came in and took over like I owned the place!"

"Did Janet tell you about the side effects of that 'love potion' Teal'c was telling us about?"

"She said that's why I. . .I acted the way I did in the commissary," Sam said looking away from him. "She said I shouldn't be so self-conscious, that _*I*_ really wasn't in control." She looked back at him and added, "but that doesn't explain why I was being so familiar in a public place. I should have acted more professionally, sir, and if I did anything to embarrass you . . ."

"No! No. I mean it surprised me a little, but only because it wasn't something you normally do."

"It was entirely unprofessional, and you know it," Sam said firmly. "But the weird thing is, it didn't feel wrong at the time. It just happened."

Jack hadn't moved from the edge of his bed, waiting to see if she would elaborate. When she didn't, he gently probed, "is that what happened downstairs?"

Sam nodded. "I knew what I was doing. I was making a conscious choice, but it was like I wasn't the one in control." She met his gaze. "I've never let myself into someone's house and just started moving things to suit me!"

"Well, that is a bit odd," he agreed.

"It's like there's this part of me who still sees this as my house, our home and I thought it should look like it, even though my things are no longer here."

"Sam, you know they were never here, right?"

Tears clouded her eyes as she looked down. "Yeah, I know. I tried to tell myself I was just here to prove we've never had a life together, but deep down, I must have been looking for our life. Otherwise why would I have switched everything around?"

Jack's mouth moved, but no sound came out as he searched for an answer to her question. "I don't know," he finally said.

"It's kind of scary, you know? I wonder when the next time is going to be. The next time I'm going to do something inappropriate."

Sam looked so lost, Jack couldn't help but reach out to her. "C'mere" he whispered, pulling her into his arms. "We had a meeting this afternoon. I talked to Hammond. We're going to find a way to cure whatever it was they gave you. We'll find a way to get you over this."

Sam's head nodded against his shoulder, and involuntarily his arms tightened. He knew he should let her go, but this was the first time since they'd recovered her he'd been allowed anything more than a quick embrace. Besides, what was wrong with offering a friend a bit of comfort? He'd done the same for Daniel when he'd been going through a withdrawal of his own from the sarcophagus. The only trouble was, Daniel hadn't felt like this in his arms, nor had Daniel started nuzzling his neck, placing a kiss on his throat. The movement sent tingling sensations through him and he knew he couldn't let this go where Sam was obviously leading.

"Uh, Carter? Remember the bit about you weren't sure if you'd do something inappropriate? I think this might be it."

"Mmmmm," she mumbled against his throat, sending another wave through him. Damn! Didn't she know how hard it was for him to fight this? How much he wanted to show her she wasn't the only one fighting to keep things platonic between them?

Sam shifted, and Jack thought maybe she was pulling away from him. He felt a flash of regret until her lips were on his jaw, and regret turned into something more primal. She pushed herself up a little further and captured his lips with her own. The kiss was light, but held the promise of more if he'd just allow the moment to happen. God, he wanted it to happen! But Sam wasn't in her right mind, and the last thing he wanted was to see pain and embarrassment in her eyes if he didn't stop things here and now.

"Carter," he said, hoping the use of her last name would drive a little sense into her. "We can't do this." His breath was raspy as he tried to control his need to draw her closer.

"Sam," she mumbled against his lips. "My name is Sam, and there's no reason we can't." She opened her eyes and Jack noticed how dark they'd become, shining with a desire to match his own.

"Well, there is that little matter of the Air Force and reg. . . " he started before he was silenced with another kiss.

Sam pulled back, emotions other than desire now warring for dominance in her eyes. "I need you, Jack. If any one finds out, we'll tell Hammond I wasn't in my right mind."

"Are you in your right mind?" he asked, suddenly wondering if it was Sam who was being so bold or her implanted alter ego.

"I need you," was all she replied as she brought her lips to his again. He was reminded of another time she'd told him nearly the same words. _*I want you. Don't you want me?*_ That time he'd found the strength to push her away, but no longer. He'd grown too close to her, felt more than he should for his second-in-command. Even as the thought of her being his subordinate flashed through his mind, he found himself responding to Sam's strong, yet gentle hands. She was working the buttons of his shirt free and he was powerless to stop her. Or rather he chose to be. He could tell himself a million times how wrong this was but it couldn't override how much he wanted it, how much he wanted her.

Sam was trailing kisses down his chest as a moan escaped him. He could still stop this, he thought. Keep the walls between them intact. Perhaps they were dancing on the invisible line between them, but so far they hadn't totally crossed it. Sam's hands washed up over the skin of his chest, sweeping the shirt from his shoulders, his arms. As he felt her hands caressing his back, he felt something inside snap. He could no longer pretend he was going to stop this.

Shrugging the rest of the way out of his shirt, Jack pressed Sam back against the mattress. "This is it, Sam. Last chance to say no."

"No," she smiled.

"No?" he faltered. Was she really going to change her mind?

"No, I'm not going to say no," she said, sliding her fingers along the back of his neck, pulling his head down to hers. He kissed her deeply, becoming more aggressive with each kiss they shared. He wanted to take his time, to show her what he'd never been able to voice, but his need was burning out of control. Next time, he promised himself. Next time he'd show her what she'd come to mean to him.

~54~

Sam snuggled deeper into Jack's arms, trying to push the guilty little voice further into the recesses of her mind. Was what they'd done really so terrible? Had the world stopped turning because she and Jack had made love? She smiled at the recent memory, happy to know the real thing had been as satisfying as the fantasy. Still, she knew they'd committed a sin in the eyes of the military, and she couldn't just erase the remorse she felt at ignoring regulations. It was rather like cheating on a spouse she thought, and she didn't think she'd ever be capable of something like that.

It wasn't a lie when she told Jack they could use the excuse of her not being in her right mind. Part of her had known exactly what she was doing, and the other part didn't care. It was more that the consequences just didn't seem to outweigh the benefits when she mentally compared them. But she also knew such an attitude, such a blatant disregard for rules was going to be a problem if she was to continue being a part of SG-1. She knew her feelings for Jack were a liability, one the team couldn't afford.

Trying to find a comfortable position on Jack's chest, Sam moved enough to wake him from his light sleep.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she returned, unsure what he thought about the latest twist in their already complicated relationship. Feeling his arms tighten around her, offering silent support, Sam relaxed a bit, turning to look at him. "You okay?" she ventured.

"Great. You?"

"Great."

"So how come you don't sound so sure?" he asked. "Are you having regrets?"

Sam propped herself up on her elbow, looking down at him. "No!" she said, reaching out to caress his cheek. "Only that we broke. . ."

"Yeah," he sighed, pulling her back down next to him. He was quiet for a moment, then asked. "Sam? How much of that was you, and well, I guess for lack of a better term, drug induced?"

"I don't really know how to explain it," she said. "It's almost as if I _*am*_ drugged. It's not that it's not me, it's that my judgment is impaired. Like I don't care about what's right or wrong. All that matters is what I want at that moment. Does that make any sense?"

"Kind of like being drunk?"

"Sort of. But it's stronger than that. I've been drunk and resisted you," she smiled, rubbing a hand across his stomach. "I guess this time I just didn't see reason to fight it." Sam felt Jack nodding against her head.

"I could have stopped you," he said. "I probably should have." His fingers were stroking her shoulders and she closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation as she knew his next words would destroy the fantasy once more. "You know we can't let this happen again."

"I know," she sighed. "But it doesn't have to end yet, does it?" Sam felt her heart breaking as she looked into Jack's eyes. Seeing the same regret didn't make things any easier. It would take so little to convince him to make love to her again. . . .

"You know, technically, since we haven't gotten out of bed, it's still the first time," he said.

Sam couldn't help the grin spreading across her face, as she slowly dragged her leg up his, rubbing his calf with her heel. "I think you have a fine future in deductive reasoning," she said, reaching up to kiss him.

It was the third time they'd made love, but this time it was so achingly bittersweet, Sam couldn't help the few tears leaking from her eyes. This was the second time she'd been offered a life with Jack and again it was being taken from her. Perhaps taken was too strong a word. She could quit, then she could have this forever. But would she? If she didn't have the Stargate program in her life, would she be the same woman? Would she turn bitter, unconsciously blaming him for her own decision? She knew there was no way she could remain at the SGC without being a part of SG-1. Unlike the Jack of her memories, she couldn't remain casually involved. Actually, the Goa'ulds got that part wrong with Jack. He too would have had to sever all ties with his former life in order to move on.

Sam was on her side, back to Jack with his arm possessively wrapped around her waist. She knew he wasn't sleeping, just drowsing and no doubt thinking of variables as she was.

"So," she said, breaking the silence of the room.

"So," said, pulling her closer in a futile gesture to hang on to what they'd shared.

"You said you talked to Hammond. Your next mission?"

"Well, the focus of the briefing kind of changed once Teal'c told us more about this Elixir of Eros'." There was a silence again as Sam waited for him to explain his statement. "I asked Hammond to let us go back, find Eros and get a cure for you."

Sam sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest. "No! You can't do that! I won't let you do that!"

"And since when do you decide our missions, _*Major_?*"

"Jack, you know what I mean! It's not worth it! I'll get over this! Sooner or later this. . .lapse of judgment is going to go away! You can't risk your life-Daniel,Teal'c and Gregg's lives-over something like this!"

"This isn't going to get any easier, Sam! Teal'c told us the effects of the withdrawal only increase over time. I guess it's like some kind of Goa'uld nicotine designed to keep the users coming back for more."

"So you think if I don't get more of this Elixir I'm going to loose all sense of what's right or wrong and jump you in the corridors or something?"

"Hey, stranger things have been known to happen," he joked. "I kind of have that effect on women, you know."

"I don't get it. This 'Elixir' is some kind of love potion, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, what's the difference if I get this potion or not? Seems like the end result is the same-me not being able to distinguish my desires from reality."

"We're not looking to get you more of the potion," Jack said. "We want a cure."

"And you think he's just going to hand it over?"

"Well, after he makes it."

Sam was confused. "What do you mean?"

Jack sat up, the sheets falling away from his body. Even now she wanted to reach out and touch him. And he said this was only going to get worse?

"Ah, well, according to Teal'c, there is no cure. He's going to have to make one." Jack cast a quick glance in her direction, then quickly looked away.

"That's impossible!" she cried.

"No, just crazy, or insane, I'm not sure which one we're up to," Jack muttered to himself. Ignoring his comment, Sam continued.

"Even if you _*could*_ find Eros, what makes you think he's going to help you? I'm sure you didn't exactly part on good terms!"

"Well, that's where Psyche comes in."

"Psyche?"

"Yeah, you know Apophis stole her from Eros."

Sam nodded. "You mentioned something about that when you were telling me what happened. Oh, no!" she said, shaking her head as the pieces clicked into place. "You're going to rescue Psyche and use her as a bargaining tool?"

"That was the idea."

"Jack! You're nuts! In the first place you don't have the manpower, in the second, you don't have a ship! Third, this is _*Apophis*_ we're talking about and forth. . . ."

Jack's hand closed over her mouth. "And forth is there's a few details to work out yet. I need to contact your Dad and Aldwin again for starters."

Sam began protesting, but Jack kept his hand in place, holding up his index finger, warning her not to continue. Biting his finger, Jack removed his hand, grinning at the anger he saw flashing in her eyes.

"It's already been decided. Hammond's given us a go."

Sam's eyebrows rose. "He has? He's actually authorized a suicide mission like this?"

"Well, providing we get the Tok'ra on board. So to speak, since we, actually, have to be the ones to get on board. The ship, that is. If they'll come."

Jack's broken explanation actually managed to earn him a grin. Shaking her head in disbelief, Sam ran her fingers through her hair. She knew she wasn't going to be able to persuade any of them to abandon this mission. In a way, it warmed her heart, knowing how loyal her friends were, that they would go to such lengths to see her returned to "normal." But would it be normal? If there was a cure for what was causing her irrational behavior, she would be forever in their debt. But would the antidote take away the memories or the ache she felt, loving him? It was a flicker of desire before she'd been captured. Now it was a blaze that consumed her. If there was a remedy, would it douse the flames?

"I don't suppose there's anything I can say to talk you out of this?" she asked.

"Sam," he said earnestly, "I need you. As my 2IC, as my friend, and maybe, if we're lucky, someday more. The only way that's going to happen is if we get a counter-agent to whatever they used on you and get rid of those false memories. It's worth any risk to have you back where you belong."

Sam bit her lip, blinking several times, hoping to keep her emotions in check. "I still think you're a lunatic, but your heart's in the right place."

"In that case, it couldn't be safer," he said, his voice suddenly thick. "Because you're the one holding it."

~55~

Looking up from her coffee, Sam noticed movement by the commissary door. She'd know that outline anywhere, and felt her stomach tighten at the sight of him. It was a mixture of nerves and excitement, and she wasn't doing a very good job of quelling either emotion. Sam watched Jack as he moved though the food line, studiously ignoring her, hoping it was in the interest of appearing nonchalant he hadn't made eye contact with her. As he turned to find a seat, his eyes met hers, a slight smile playing on his lips, and Sam felt one type of tension easing as another increased.

"Carter," he said, his smile almost turning into a grin. For the first time she noticed Daniel behind him, and realized he was probably the reason for Jack's forced casualness. He took a seat diagonally from her, leaving the chair across from Sam open for their friend. For a moment Sam was hurt, then accepted the fact he'd actually done her a favor. No need for a repeat of yesterday's performance.

"Hey, Sam!" Daniel said brightly. "How are you doing?"

Sneaking a quick look at Jack, who was suddenly fascinated with his breakfast choices, she answered, "Great. Wonderful as a matter of fact." She smiled over the rim of her coffee cup.

"Hmmm," Daniel said digging into his meal. "Jack said he'd had a great night too. Guess you guys know more about getting a good night's sleep than I do."

Simultaneously Sam and Jack choked on their coffee as their eyes met then quickly slid away from the other.

Daniel looked from one to the other. "What? What did I say?"

"Nothing, Daniel," Sam reassured him. "It's just that I really didn't sleep all that much."

"Hmmm," Daniel said again. "Well, something's agreeing with you. You look a lot less tense than you have the past few weeks."

Jack coughed, "You got the sugar down there, Daniel?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Here." With Jack's distraction, Daniel's mind switched gears. "How long you think it's going to be before we hear from the Tok'ra?"

"Well, I wouldn't be canceling my paper delivery just yet," Jack said, stirring the sweetener into his oatmeal. "If you remember, they weren't exactly in a hurry to help us the last time."

"I believe it was because of prior commitments JacobCarter did not respond faster," Teal'c said, suddenly standing beside their table.

"Jeeze, Teal'c!" Jack jumped at the sound of his voice. "How about a little warning next time?"

"I thought by speaking you would know I had arrived. May I join you?"

"Have a seat," Sam said, moving slightly to make room for him next to her. "I guess you know what we were talking about."

"Indeed."

"You know, for such a big guy, you sure got that sneaking up thing down," Jack grumbled, stabbing his spoon into his cereal.

"I believe if you were not so preoccupied you would have heard my approach," he said, eye brow raised. Daniel might have missed the subtle tension between her and Jack, but apparently Teal'c hadn't.

"So," Sam said, trying to direct the conversation to a more neutral area, "what do we do if we don't hear from the Tok'ra? Even if we _*could*_ arrange for a meeting with Eros, we have nothing to offer him, no incentive for him to help us."

"We might have something he wants," Daniel said. The three remaining members of the team turned to look at him. "Well, I don't know what that could be, I'm just saying there might be something other than iris codes or defenses he might want."

Almost on cue, the announcement of an incoming traveler was broadcast throughout the base. Abandoning their breakfast, SG-1 raced for the control room. The chevrons were still in the process of engaging when they arrived. Hammond looked up at their entrance, smiling slightly at their quick response. Sam noticed Captain Harrison was already there, and she felt a pang of jealousy as she remembered he was now more a part of SG-1 than she was. He didn't spend his down time with them as she did, but officially, he had her spot.

"Any idea who it is, General?" Jack asked, turning to the windows overlooking the 'gate room. Before he could answer, Sergeant Davis announced,

"Receiving Tok'ra IDC, sir."

"Open the iris."

Jack looked back at his team. "Well, that was. . ."

"Quick?" Daniel supplied.

"Permission to go to the 'gate room, sir?" Sam asked, already halfway to the stairs.

"Go ahead," he smiled.

Jack, Teal'c, Gregg and Daniel were only steps behind her as she jogged into the 'gate room, waiting for her father to walk through the event horizon. A slim figure, undoubtedly female began walking down the ramp.

"Jacob! New look for you?" Jack quipped as he moved forward with Sam. The woman pulled back her hood, revealing glowing eyes.

"Anise?" Daniel stated, gaping at the woman on the metal grating. "Ah, why are you here? We were trying to contact Jacob or Selmac."

Anise's distorted voice echoed against the cement walls of the embarkation room. "It is good to see you again Dr. Jackson." Her head dipped and when it was raised once more, the light had literally gone from her eyes. "Colonel O'Neill," Freya smiled warmly, stepping closer. "It is very good to see you again."

Jack shifted uncomfortably and Sam felt stirrings of jealousy at the heated looks Freya was sending him. She had a thing for Jack? Well, she could just forget that! He was her. . .her what? Husband? One time lover? Commanding officer? It wasn't jealousy from false memories leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. Anise/Freya had always annoyed her, and her less-than-subtle interest in Jack set her teeth on edge.

"Jacob and Aldwin are on a mission and communication is impossible," she stated, her eyes never leaving Jack. "I am the only one available to assist you."

Just then Hammond walked into the 'gate room. "And we're grateful for any assistance you might be able to provide," he said diplomatically, diffusing some of the tension in the room.

"General Hammond, it is good to see you once more as well. Shall we proceed to your briefing room?"

Hammond gestured for her to take the lead as Jack held him back a moment. "General? Is this such a good idea? I mean, for cryin' out loud, this is Anise we're talking about! I don't think I have to tell you of the havoc that woman creates every time she shows up!"

Hammond glanced over to see Captain Harrison escorting the Tok'ra from the room, followed by Teal'c.

"Colonel, may I remind you our options appear to be a bit limited at the moment?"

Sam didn't like to admit it, but she agreed they should at least hear her out. "Sir, I don't like her here any more than you do, but shouldn't we at least listen to what she has to say?" If only he knew how much it galled her that Anise/Freya was the one who might be the answer to getting back to normal. Had she always been this resentful of Freya or was it Eros' Elixir enhancing her reactions? She supposed if the potion increased desire, it had an amplifying affect on emotions like jealousy as well. It was all she could do to keep from slipping her hand into Jack's in a show of possessiveness. If Freya thought she was going to start something with him, she had another think coming!

"Carter?" she heard Jack ask. "You coming?"

Realizing she'd been drifting from the conversation, Sam's attention snapped back to focus on his eyes. She could see the concern centered there, knowing what he really wanted to ask was if she really was okay with this. Giving him the slightest of nods she answered,

"Yes, sir."

~56~

Jack took a seat at the table in the briefing room, noting Sam had chosen a seat across the table from him, probably for the same reason he hadn't sat next to her in the commissary. Not only had he wanted to appear more professional, he wasn't sure he could avoid touching her if they sat next to each other. If he was having this much trouble staying focused, what must it be like for her struggling with enhanced desires? It seemed all the more imperative they listen to what Anise had to say. As much as he cherished the memory of Sam in his bed, he needed her with him on a daily basis. If the key to that was working with Anise, then so be it. Just so long as she didn't get them all killed.

Jack noticed with some irritation the Tok'ra in question had taken a seat next to him. _*I thought the snake liked Daniel,*_ he thought sourly. Looking up, he met Sam's narrowed gaze and knew she wasn't any happier with the seating arrangements than he was.

Once General Hammond had taken his seat, the meeting came to order. "Perhaps you should start with why you're here with us today," he prompted.

"You asked for the Tok'ra's assistance," Anise said, looking around the room as if they'd lost their minds.

"I think what General Hammond means is why you and not my father or Aldwin," Sam clarified.

"As I mentioned earlier, Selmac and Aldwin are on extremely sensitive missions. Any communication from us could jeopardize their safety."

Sam looked up, glancing from Hammond to Jack. "I'm sure they're fine, Carter," he automatically reassured her, wondering if anyone else noticed how quickly he tried to calm her fears.

"So you were all that was left?" Daniel asked.

"The only one qualified, yes."

"By qualified, you mean. . . ." Daniel pressed.

"Experienced with working with the Tau'ri, of course."

Jack exchanged a glance with Daniel. There was more to it than that and he sensed Daniel had picked up on it as well.

"That's understandable," Gregg said, grinning from ear to ear at Anise.

Jack fought the urge slap his hand against his forehead. The kid had a crush on her? Perhaps he'd have to have a little chat with the good captain after the meeting!

"Anise," Hammond said, bringing the meeting back on-topic, "are you aware what our bid for assistance involves?"

"From what Jacob and Aldwin told me when they returned a few of your weeks ago, they stated Major Carter had been held captive by Eros and Psyche. By using an altered memory recall device, Psyche implanted memories of the major being married to Colonel O'Neill."

Jack winced at her description. Why was it everyone had to drive home the point Carter thought she was his wife? If she wasn't married or engaged to him in alternate realities, she was manipulated into thinking she was here. Not that it was an unpleasant thought, but how much harder did the situation between them have to be? Reminded at every turn they couldn't be together on a permanent basis?

"They were looking for information to Earth's defenses," Jack said. "They were using the false images to get her to open up, to trust them."

"And a life where she was married to you was the method they chose to gain that trust," Anise stated to no one in particular.

"Apparently," Jack mumbled, his gaze focused on the table.

"I'm afraid I don't see what I or any of the Tok'ra can do. Major Carter appears to be fine."

"We believe MajorCarter has been given at least one dose of Eros' Elixir," Teal'c informed her.

That seemed to catch Anise's attention. "I see. And you've been experiencing some of the side effects?" she asked, looking at Sam.

"Yes," she answered, avoiding looking directly at her.

"Major Carter, it would be helpful if I knew what these side effects were."

"Um, well. . ."

"Let's just say she's had some trouble distinguishing what was real and what was implanted by the Goa'ulds," Jack jumped in, realizing Sam didn't want to tell a room full of people the extent she'd been affected.

"I see," Anise repeated. "I do not know how I can be of assistance. Eros' Elixir is similar in some ways to the Goa'uld drug _*nish'ta*_ but the effects cannot be reversed by an electrical shock."

"I thought once a person was cured of the_*nish'ta*_ they were immune," Daniel said.

"As I stated, the Elixir is similar in that it makes the mind most pliable, but I do not know of a remedy."

"Great," Jack said, twirling a pen through his fingers.

"Colonel O'Neill, I don't expect you contacted the Tok'ra in the hopes we would have a cure. Otherwise you would have not asked for Jacob and Aldwin," Anise said. "So why do you sound disappointed when I don't have an antidote?"

Jack looked up, noticing everyone was watching him. "I guess I was hoping there was an easier way around this, but I guess we couldn't be that lucky."

"Perhaps if I had a sample to work with, I might be able to find a way to reverse it's affects."

"Doctor Fraiser hasn't been able to dectect anything abnormal in Major Carter's blood work," Hammond told her.

"If I saw her test results, maybe I could find something your doctors could not."

"You kinda cover a lot of bases for an archeologist, don't ya?" Jack pointed out.

"Colonel, perhaps the Tau'ri have a single focus in their work, but I assure you, I do not have such limitations."

Feeling properly chastised, Jack leaned back in his chair, noting the smirk Harrison was trying to wipe from his face. Yup, that kid and Anise would definitely spell trouble.

Hammond cleared his throat. "I'll talk to Doctor Fraiser about getting you a copy of the major's test results. In the mean time, Captain Harrison? Perhaps you could show our guest to the VIP quarters?"

"Yes, sir!" he answered enthusiastically. Jack just shook his head. If Hammond wanted to suck up to Anise by providing her with a boy toy she could _*lo machete*_-or whatever it was she called it-who was he to argue?

~57~

Early the next morning, Sam received a call along with the rest of SG-1and Janet to the briefing room. Again she found herself sitting across from Jack as Anise had already taken up residence at his side. Not that it would be a good idea for her to sit next to him, but it really irked her Anise was acting so familiar with Jack.

She tried to tell herself it was the drug, that she wasn't ready rip Anise's hair out simply because she was behaving a little too friendly with a member of her team. Harrison seemed to have hit it off with her and she didn't feel protective of him. From the time she'd met Anise, Sam knew she or the host Freya was attracted to Jack. So why now did she feel the need to watch and assess every move either she or Jack made? After the night they'd spent together, did she really think he'd take Freya up on what she seemed to be offering? It had to be the drug, right?

"Good, I see you're all here," Hammond said as he took his customary seat at the head of the table. "Anise, you called this meeting, why don't you start us off."

"I've looked over Major Carter's test results, thanks to Dr. Fraiser," she said nodding to the woman on Sam's left, "and I have to agree there doesn't seem to be enough of the drug in her system to get an accurate sample."

Sam looked over at Janet who was fighting an urge to give the Tok'ra a smug smile. Janet's opinion of Anise was about as high as Sam's, and she wasn't afraid to let her know it. Of course she wasn't the one directly looking to her for help. Sam fought a grin of her own knowing the moment she and Janet were alone Anise would be the recipient of some not-so-charitable observations. Starting with her wardrobe and ending with the way she was sitting so close to Jack she'd almost have to be surgically removed.

Refocusing, Sam caught the last of Anise's speech. "That's not to say the major isn't suffering from the effects of the potion. I wish there was something I could do to help." She almost sounded sincere, Sam thought.

"There might be," Hammond said. "Colonel O'Neill and his team feel if they can talk to Eros, he might be willing to undo what's been done to the major."

Anise was nodding her head, then volunteered her own opinion. "I believe the best way would be for one person to gain his trust, preferably female."

"You're suggesting yourself," Sam said.

"Yes. If I could become his assistant, much like Psyche was, I believe I could learn his secrets and create an antidote for Major Carter."

"Eros trusts no one," Teal'c commented. "I doubt even Psyche knew how to make the potion of which you speak. I highly doubt he would reveal his secrets to you."

"Look," Jack said, holding up his hands, "I know the Tok'ra way is a little more 'subtle' than ours. Infiltration seems to be the only way you guys know how to fight, but we're on a little shorter time schedule here. We can't wait for a year or more for you to _*maybe*_ find a cure for Carter. I need her back as my 2IC."

"Colonel, while I appreciate the fact you need Major Carter, I don't think threatening Eros is the best way to achieve your goals."

Sam looked up at Anise's statement. Was there a double meaning to her words? Did she know how strong her bond with Jack was?

"This is why I wanted Jacob," Jack sighed, pushing away the yellow legal pad that lay before him. "He understands the urgency of this situation!"

"Because he is from the Tau'ri or because he his Major Carter's father?" Anise challenged.

"Maybe both! All I know is he didn't talk about working his way into Eros' good graces as a means to rescue Sam!"

"Sometimes a little patience is the best course of action."

"But this isn't one of those times! Are you going to help us or not? Because if you're not, this is a waste of everyone's time!"

"Colonel," Hammond warned.

"What? I might offend her? Look, Anise, I'm sorry this didn't work out. Maybe you can at least do us a favor and let Jacob know what's going on? When it fits into your schedule of course." Jack started to rise when Anise placed her hand on Jack's arm.

"I, too am sorry if Anise has offended," the voice came softer. Obviously Freya had been delegated the responsibility of placating the Tau'ri again. "Perhaps if you explained your plan to myself and Anise we could come to some sort of agreement."

Jack flashed Hammond a contrite look, retaking his seat. "I guess I don't have much of a plan," he admitted. Looking around the table he added, "basically all we had was getting a ship and finding Eros. After that we were going to have to play it by ear."

"'Play it by ear?'" Freya questioned.

"Um, it's an Earth phrase," Daniel interjected. "It means we really don't have a plan."

Jack gave him a sharp look as Sam glanced at Janet, trying not to laugh.

"What about a compromise?" Harrison spoke up. He seemed a little flustered when he had everyone's attention, but continued. "I agree we need a ship. If Anise can get one, I'm sure Teal'c and I can fly it."

Jack's eyebrows rose. "You can fly a Teltac?"

"Well, not by myself, but I think I've got the basics down. Aldwin showed me a lot about the ship's operations the last time."

Jack looked impressed. "Sweet."

"How is this a compromise CaptainHarrison?" Teal'c asked.

"We still don't have a way to contact Eros where he won't blow us out of the sky before we have a chance to offer him our deal." Pausing to take a breath, he added, "I think Anise could be our foot in the door. She can transport to his ship with an offer of assistance, maybe telling Eros she needs Psyche's notes because she wants to know how the memory recall device was altered. While she's making nice with him, we arrive, secure the ship and tell him what the _*real*_ plan is."

"Rescuing Psyche and bargaining with her so he cures Sam," Daniel finished.

"Still sounds pretty iffy." Jack said.

"Not as iffy as your plan," Daniel pointed out.

"Freya? What do you and Anise think?" Gregg asked. Her head dipped for a moment as the echo returned to her voice. "We agree. I shall contact the Tok'ra and see about securing a ship. I will be in contact with you again by 2000 hours your time this evening. Be prepared to leave at that time. If I can not procure a ship, I will contact you before then."

Sam looked up, smiling with the prospect of actually having something physical to do. "I'll be ready to go, sir," she said, gathering her papers.

"Ah, no, Carter."

"No, sir?"

"You won't be going on this mission," he clarified.

"But, sir! I'm the reason this mission is taking place, if you think I'm going to just sit back here and wait. . ."

"Major, Colonel O'Neill has a point. The reason for this mission is because you're not fit for field duty at this time. That would include this assignment," Hammond said.

"But, sir!" Sam protested again. "Janet! Tell them! Tell them I can handle this!"

Janet gave her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Sam. I have to agree with them. You're judgment has been impaired due to bouts of emotional outbursts. You can't afford that while you're on a mission."

Sam flung her a look of disappointment. Even Janet was against her! She could keep her hands to herself! Did they all think in the middle of a fire fight she was going to pin Jack to the wall and have her way with him?

"Janet, you don't understand! Okay, I had a little lapse of judgment yesterday in the commissary, but nothing since then!" Sam looked up, noting the incredulous stare Jack was giving her. So, she slept with her commanding officer, but that didn't count, did it? It was off-duty!

"Major," Janet stressed, "the very fact that you're arguing with me, with your commanding officers, only proves my point. I'm sorry, but I can't recommend you for this mission."

Sam knew she was defeated. The battle might be over, but the war wasn't lost yet. She'd find a way to get on that ship. Even if it meant going as a stow-away.

~58~

Daniel helped Harrison carry a metal case into the embarkation room. "Jeeze! This thing weighs a ton!" he grumbled to the captain manning the other end of a slightly rectangular box. "What's Jack want this for anyway?" Daniel asked exhaling his last words as they set the crate on the floor.

"I'm not sure," Gregg said, removing his cap, wiping a sheen of sweat from his forehead with his arm. "All I know is Colonel O'Neill requisitioned it, and I was told it was supposed to be here by 2000.

"Must be some extra weapons," Daniel commented to no one in particular. Still, should a couple of extra guns weigh that much? Harrison gave him a non-committal shrug before changing the subject.

"So, what do you know about Anise?"

Daniel tried to hide his grin at Harrison's less-than-subtle approach. "Not much actually. We first met her when she came here wanting to test some alien arm bands she'd found. Apparently they didn't work on blended people, so she used us as guinea pigs. They were pretty incredible until they almost got us killed."

"Then the next time she showed up, Martouf and Lieutenant Astor died. Almost fried Jack's brains in the process as well. So, you can see why we weren't exactly happy to see her being the one offering to help."

"She told me about those incidents when I took her to her quarters. She said she hoped we could become better acquainted, despite what the rest of you may feel."

"Well, I'm not going to tell you who or who not to be friends with, but some friendly advice? I wouldn't get too close to her if I were you. She has kind of a high mortality rate among her 'friends.'"

Harrison nodded, looking at his watch. "Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c should be here at any minute."

"Actually, I'm surprised Jack isn't here. He's always early."

"Maybe he had to take care of a few last minute details. He's coming now," Gregg said, looking toward the huge retracting door. Daniel turned and noticed Teal'c following him.

"'bout time," Daniel said, happy to be able to razz Jack for once about his tardiness.

Ignoring the comment Jack asked, "You seen Carter?"

"Uh, no. Now that you mention it, I haven't."

"Did you try her lab?" Harrison suggested.

"Yeah, I even had her paged. Weird. I thought she'd at least see us off." Daniel didn't miss the note of sadness in Jack's voice.

"Maybe it was too hard for her to sit back and watch while we left," Daniel said. "I know I wouldn't have taken being left behind lightly and I'm sure Sam is worse."

"Yeah, that's probably it," Jack sighed, the crease between his brows deepening as he frowned.

"It is time, O'Neill," Teal'c reminded him.

"Right. Well, I guess we just stand here and wait to be beamed up, huh?"

"The Tok'ra are most prompt when they have made arrangements," Teal'c said.

"So, any second now. Hey, what's with the. . . ." Jack's words were cut off as the transport rings descended around the four men.

". . .box?" he concluded.

Daniel blinked, trying to adjust his vision to the dim lighting of a Teltac's cargo bay. "What?" he asked.

"I said, what's with the box?"

"You're the one who requisitioned it!" Daniel stated.

"Did not."

"Yes, Jack, you did. Harrison came by my office and asked me to help him move it to the 'gate room because he couldn't lift it by himself. He said you'd signed the orders and told him it was to be in the 'gate room by 2000." Daniel tried to keep the condescending tone from his voice, but when Jack played dumb it was so hard not to. Why he would deny having given the order was beyond him. Sometimes, Daniel thought, Jack moved in mysterious ways. He could tell Jack was going to argue further when Anise stepped into the cargo bay, interrupting them.

"I see you have all arrived. You may leave your equipment there," she said, pointing to a corner. Daniel's gaze roamed around the cargo hold noting it wasn't the same ship Jacob had acquired. Although it was a newer vessel, it was even more stripped down, not even having the crude bunks of the other space craft.

"If you would join me on the bridge, we have to move quickly, before your planet's detection devices discover our presence." It seemed strange to Daniel they had to move out of range of NORAD's satellites when Earth had a treaty with the Tok'ra. But he knew very few people, or agencies for that matter, were aware Earth had an agreement with an alien power.

Once in the command center, Anise began issuing orders. "Captain Harrison, if you would assist Teal'c in navigation, it would be much appreciated. If the need arises, I'll need you to fly the ship while Teal'c mans the weapons." Anise sent the young captain a warm smile which neither Jack nor Daniel missed. Apparently Harrison's interest wasn't one-sided. Exchanging a glance with Jack, Daniel tried to hide his grin, but without much luck. Anise turned, catching the smirk, causing him to sober.

"Uh, what would you like Jack and I to do?"

The affectionate smile melted from Anise's face. "You may sit there, out of the way." Daniel watched Jack bristle under her orders, but he managed to keep any derogatory comments to himself.

Daniel was as restless as Jack. Although he didn't have the technical know-how to fly the ship, he was sure there was something he could be doing. "Anise, I know the Earth myths about Eros, but maybe if you could tell me what you know about him and his relationship with Psyche it might help us when it comes time to negotiate."

Anise turned her attention from the console in front of her, cocking her head slightly as if the thought hadn't occurred to her. "She is very devoted to Eros."

"We know that part," Jack said, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

"I do not understand what you wish to know."

Daniel thought about how to rephrase the question. Sometimes for all her intelligence, Anise could certainly be obtuse. "What about her relationship with Apophis? Any chance she's switch sides?"

"I don't know what you mean by switch sides."

"He means would she dump Eros for Apophis because he's the guy with the power now," Jack added impatiently.

"No, I do not believe she is ambitious in that way."

Getting information out of her was like pulling teeth, Daniel thought. Maybe they would have had better luck if Gregg had been the one asking the questions! "In what way _*is*_ she ambitious?"

Anise seemed to be measuring her words. "Her fascination is with mind control. While I don't doubt she is genuinely attracted to Eros, I'm sure the fact he has the Elixir is a powerful incentive for her loyalty as well."

"So you're saying if Apophis is looking for a new queen, she wouldn't be a willing participant."

Anise almost laughed. "No, Dr. Jackson, far from it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Apophis didn't have to use the Elixir on her."

"Now there's irony for ya," Jack said. "So, now she's gonna be doped up, drooling at Apophis' feet and we're going to have to try to separate them. Great. _*This*_ should be a piece of cake."

Daniel's mind whizzed in several directions at once. "Wait, Jack! It might not be as bad as you think!"

"In what way could this _*not*_ be a bad thing?"

"If we get Psyche back, Eros is going to have to undo what his Elixir did to her, right? Otherwise she's going to be running back to Apophis first chance she gets."

"Yeah, so?"

"Don't you see? If he has to come up with a cure for her, he can cure Sam!" Daniel pointed out.

"That doesn't mean he'll do it without a little more motivation. First he cures Sam, then he can cure Psyche."

"Whatever," Daniel said, waving his hands. "I just think we might have found something we can use to our advantage."

Jack was yawning. "Great, Daniel. Look, I don't mean to belittle this revelation, but I really need to get some sleep before we reach wherever it is we're going," he said, looking pointedly at Anise. "I suggest you all do the same. I'll be in the cargo bay if anybody needs me."

~59~

Jack couldn't believe how tired he was. Well, it wasn't surprising since he and Sam hadn't actually done much sleeping the night before. God, was it only yesterday? It seemed like a lifetime ago. He smiled at the memory of waking up next to her, wishing desperately it could be for longer than the one night. The option was there. He could have prevented this entire mission if he'd just taken his cue from her false memories and retired. But there was a part of him that just couldn't do that. Not while he was still able to be out here. He might not be making much of a difference, but it was something, and he wasn't ready to give it up yet. Not even for Sam. And she understood that. Just one more thing about her that amazed him.

Stifling another yawn, Jack entered the cargo bay. _*Funny,*_ he thought, _*for a second I thought I smelled vanilla.*_ He grinned once more, remembering how scent reminded him of Sam. He was about to lay down on the floor when he noticed the box that had arrived with them. He was curious about the contents since he most certainly had _*not*_ authorized its transport, regardless of what Daniel said.

Flipping the latches, Jack lifted the lid, jumping back in surprise when he saw a body within. "Holy Shi. . . .Carter? What the _*hell*_ do you think you're doing?"

Sam sat up, giving him a guilty look. "Um, stowing away? Sir?" Sam climbed out of the small box, flexing cramped muscles. "Oh, and thanks for letting me out. I hadn't quite worked that bit out."

For a moment Jack was speechless, then anger kicked in. "I thought I gave you and order, Major!"

"Sir, I couldn't let you all go off, risking your lives just so I could get over some crush!"

Jack's eyebrows raised. "Crush? I'd say the situation is a little more serious than that!"

"Jack," Sam said, placing her hand on his chest, "you know what I mean. Look, I know you were trying to protect me, but how would you feel if it was you? Would you let us go without you?"

Jack felt his anger dissolve. One look into her wide, blue eyes and all sense seemed to leave him. Maybe she wasn't the only one who couldn't trust their judgment. "No," he sighed. "I guess not. But damn it, Sam! The reason we're out here doing this is because you're not battle-ready. What happens if you turn into Martha Stewart while were out here?"

Sam laughed. "Jack, I can assure you, in our entire short-lived marriage, I was never Martha Stewart!"

"You know what I mean! What if you're surrounded by Jaffa and you suddenly start thinking you left a casserole in the oven? Not exactly a good strategy!"

"Oh, I don't know. My casseroles are probably as deadly as zat blasts! Seriously, Jack, I won't compromise this mission. I agree something needs to be done, but there was no way I was going to sit home knitting socks while you guys were out here looking for a cure for me!"

"You knit?" he asked, a slow grin spreading across his face as he teased her.

"You know what I mean," she said as she moved closer, pulling him into a hug.

"Uh, Carter?" he said gently pushing her away. "Not exactly the right time or place, ya know?"

The expression on Sam's face as she backed away tore at his heart. But he knew he couldn't let her keep acting so familiar, especially with the others on board. Not that they weren't friends, well most of them, anyway. If he hoped to convince the rest of his team he'd changed his mind about letting her accompany them, she'd have to start acting a lot more like Carter and a lot less like Sam.

Sam nodded, visibly pulling herself together. He didn't know where she found the strength. Here she was, under the influence of some kind of drug and she could force herself to act professional. All he was affected by was over-active hormones and he could barely do the same.

Maybe this mission wasn't really necessary? Maybe Sam _*could*_ get over this on her own. But did he want to leave her in this condition? A dull ache in the pit of the stomach that never quite went away? That was how it felt to him all the time. What must it be like for her? The first time the ache had left him was the night he spent in her arms. He wondered if Eros had a cure for plain old everyday longing. If so, he could certainly use a dose.

"Sir?" Sam asked, causing him to look up at her once more. She was standing apart from him, shoulders stiff, hands behind her back. "Where are the others?"

"On the bridge," he said clearing his throat. "It's still a long way to where we last found Eros. Anise thinks he's probably trailing Apophis' ship, waiting for an opportunity to rescue Psyche, so who knows when we'll actually find him. I really came back here to catch a few hours rest, then you pulled your 'Sam-in-the-box' thing, popping out like a puppet." She smiled at his description, causing a grin of his own to turn up the corners of his mouth.

"So, I guess I should go, let you catch some shut-eye," she said, still not moving.

"No, you don't have to go. In fact, there's not much else to do right now. You could stay . . . ." What the hell was he doing? One minute he's pushing her away, telling her to act like his 2IC, and the next telling her she didn't have to go. Well, they didn't have to sleep side-by-side, he reasoned. They had the whole cargo bay to stretch out in. They slept closer when they shared a tent on missions.

Sam gave him a small smile. "I think maybe I might be of some use in the command center," she said, her eyes never leaving his. "Besides, it was so comfy in that box, I drifted right off."

Jack smiled at her lie. It probably was for the best they put a little distance between them. "Ya know, Carter, I told you to stay behind, but I think I would have been a little disappointed if you hadn't found a way to get on board." Sam nodded in understanding. "But you _*ever*_ pull a stunt like forging my signature again and I'll have you up on charges so fast your head will spin." The twinkle in his eyes belied his words, and Sam looked at her toes, trying to hide her amusement.

"Yes, sir," she said, heading for the doorway.

"I mean it, Carter!" he called after her, watching the door slide shut after her exit. "I'll have that cute little butt of yours in a sling!"

~60~

After the initial shock of her appearance on the bridge, Sam gave Harrison a hand with scanning for Eros' ion trail. She was impressed with how much the young captain had learned in his short experience with Teltacs. In fact, he seemed to have a better grasp of the alien technology than she did, and she found herself slightly envious of his quick understanding. She'd always been the whiz kid. It was a bit disconcerting to have her position usurped. Still, she found herself liking him. Hammond had made a good call when he placed him on SG-1. But that position was temporary, she reminded herself. That's what this mission was about, and she was tempted to warn Harrison not to get to attached to his position on the team.

Once they'd spotted the ship's emissions, Sam found herself wandering around the command center, unknowingly taking the same seat Jack had occupied earlier. Leaning against the bulkhead, she closed her eyes. Despite what she'd told Jack, she was tired. Especially since the adrenaline from stowing away had faded from her body. Teal'c and Daniel had joined Jack in the cargo bay, but Sam decided it was better if she remained on the bridge. She must have drifted off, as she hadn't noticed Anise taking the seat next to her until she spoke.

"Major Carter, I hope that I am not disturbing you."

Sam blinked, trying to collect her thoughts. There was nothing worse than being woken from a doze to disorient a person. It wasn't Anise, Sam realized, but Freya "No, that's okay," she answered, her mouth dry. She wished she had some water to wash away the hoarseness her voice had acquired.

"I am curious as to why you disobeyed Colonel O'Neill's orders," she stated.

Sitting up straighter, Sam felt instant irritation at Freya's words. "They weren't exactly orders," she said. "He just said I shouldn't come along on this mission."

"That is a rather loose interpretation of the events," Freya pressed.

"You see how well you'd handle things if all your friends hopped on some ship, risking their lives for you. I think you'd do the same thing I did."

"Not if I was ordered not to."

"He didn't order me to stay on Earth!" Sam yelled, causing Gregg to look up from the station he was manning. How was it this woman always managed to get under her skin so fast? Half of the horror of the za'tarc testing was her conducting the tests. Still, both Anise and Freya had annoyed the hell out of her from the time they'd met. It was probably due to the fact she'd been all over Jack like a bad suit from the time she'd stepped through the Stargate.

"I did not mean to upset you," Freya said, her placating tone aggravating Sam further. She knew she shouldn't be so waspish to the woman. After all, she was responsible for them having a ship and some sort of plan to infiltrate Eros' space craft.

"I'm sorry, too," Sam said, rubbing hands over her tired face. "I guess this is getting to me more than I'd like to admit."

"Your attraction to Colonel O'Neill is nothing new," Freya observed. Sam clenched her fists, willing the Freya to drop the subject before she said something she was going to regret.

"We were managing," she said lamely, knowing it was barely the truth.

"And now?"

"Look, Freya, I _*really*_ appreciate the fact you and the Tok'ra have been so generous in helping me, but I don't want to talk about this, all right? It's rather embarrassing."

"I still do not understand why the Tau'ri insist on hiding their feelings over something as natural as attraction. When I kissed Colonel O'Neill. . ."

"YOU WHAT?"

"When I kissed Colonel O'Neill, as a means of apologizing for the za'tarc testing, he was most unreceptive. When I offered to _*Lo'machen*_ he seemed even more resistant."

Sam didn't need a Goa'uld dictionary to catch the meaning of Freya's offer. Jealousy raced through her and she couldn't stop her menacing words. "Listen, you bi. . . ." she swallowed the epithet, continuing in a low voice. "You keep away from Jack, do you understand me? That goes for the rest of my team as well!"

"Major Carter, I will forgive your words as I believe you are not quite yourself. As for the rest of your team," she paused, glancing over at Harrison, "I shall let them decide for themselves what relationship they wish to have with me." Freya stood, returning to her console, leaving Sam almost shaking with repressed anger.

She'd made a pass at Jack? How dare she! He was her. . . what? Lover? Friend? No, he was her CO and as such she had no right to the jealousy she felt over him. The mental image of Freya kissing Jack made her blood run cold. Why her? Her mind raged. Of all the bimbos in the galaxy. . . . Then she remembered Kynthia, and Laira and who knew who else he'd had encounters with. And he'd had the nerve to be threatened by her friendship with Martouf? What kind of a double standard was that? She was about to storm into the cargo bay and give him a piece of her mind when she realized it wasn't _*her*_ mind creating the embittered emotions. This wasn't her, not really. Sure, she couldn't help feeling some possessiveness when it came to Jack, but this irrational loathing of anyone who showed an interest in him wasn't who she was. He was an attractive man. He was bound to garner second looks from females, regardless what planet they came from.

_*I have to fight this,*_ she thought. She'd be damned if she was going to give that woman the satisfaction of knowing how upset she was! She'd already given her enough fuel for their next argument. She didn't need to give her anymore.

~61~

As they had suspected, Eros was no longer in the area of space where they'd recovered Sam. However, the ion trail was strong, mixed with the evidence of another larger ship. No doubt Apophis. He had to know the smaller vessel was trailing him, but the little group aboard the Teltac found no indication there'd been any kind of battle between the two ships. In all likelihood, Apophis was literally stringing Eros along until which time he became bored with the game he played with him. Psyche was probably going to need subsequent doses of the Elixir, and it was in Apophis' best interest to keep Eros alive.

"Okay," Jack said, beginning to organize the initial leg of the mission. "First thing we need to do is secure Eros' ship. Now it's not going to be easy with just the four of us, but if we do this right, we'll make it. Harrison, I want you to. . ."

"Excuse me, sir, but doesn't Captain Harrison need to stay on board the ship?"

"Are you questioning my orders, Major?"

Everyone turned to look at Sam, causing her to gaze at her feet. "Ah, no sir. I just thought someone needed to stay here."

"You'll be staying on board," Jack said, returning his attention to the group gathered in front of him. "As I was saying. . ."

"Sir, I'm really not the one to leave on the ship. Captain Harrison is much more versed in its operation. And. . ."

"Major? A word?" Jack said, pulling her away from the small collective. "Carter, what the hell do you think you're doing questioning my orders? I think I know what's best for this mission!"

"Jack, " Sam said, causing him to tense at her intimacy. "You and I both know you're trying to leave me behind because you think it's safer here, and I won't stand for it! You know I have more field experience than Harrison, besides the fact he really _*does*_ have more knowledge of how this ship is run. He's been working with Teal'c and Anise practically the whole flight! I won't let you leave me behind!"

He couldn't believe he was standing there, arguing with her! Even if her reasoning did make sense, it was not her place to dictate the parameters of the mission!

Changing tactics, Sam softened her voice. "Please, Jack. This is about me. I can't send someone else off to do my battles."

Jack knew leaving her on the ship was going to be difficult, but she was more of a liability if she joined them. Hell, she was already questioning his orders and they hadn't even left.

"Carter," he sighed. "This isn't up for debate. When I give an order, I expect you to follow it, regardless of what you see as our personal relationship. Now. You will be staying with the ship, is that understood, _*Major_?*"

Sam was about to continue her argument, but Jack stopped her with a hand on her arm. "This is why the regs are there. Don't make their case for them."

Pulling herself together, she said, "You're right, sir. It was entirely unprofessional of me."

"Well, not entirely," he said giving her an understanding smile. "Believe me, I know how tough this is for you, Sam, but it's for the best."

Sam managed a small smile. "Yes, sir."

Finalizing their plans, they decided to go with Anise's suggestion of contacting Eros as a interested customer. Once arrangements were made and she was distracting him, the rest of the team would secure the receiving room, offer Eros their "terms" for Psyche's rescue and hope for the best. Not the best of plans, Jack thought, but there was a lot of room for variables at this point. First thing they had to do was get Eros to agree to help them. Actually _*getting*_ Psyche was another matter entirely.

~62~

Eros was working in his lab when he heard one of his Jaffa announce his presence. "My Lord, you have a communication from and Anise of Marrin. She is on a ship which has matched our flight pattern.

"The name sounds Tok'ra," Eros muttered more to himself than to his First Prime. "What does she wish of me?"

"She claims to be a customer."

"Odd. The Tok'ra usually abstain from using anything of Goa'uld origin. Now I am curious. You may tell her I'll meet with her in my receiving room in ten time segments."

"As you wish, my Lord," the Jaffa answered right arm crossing over his chest as he bowed.

"Hey everybody! It's showtime!" Jack called out as Anise stepped into the area of the transport rings. Sam and Harrison stood at the control panel, going over the transport together.

"Don't worry," Gregg assured her. "I know how they work."

Anise smiled back, lending her features a softness Jack hadn't noticed before. She probably wasn't so bad, he thought to himself. Just not his type. Definitely not his type.

"I have every confidence in your abilities," she said, wrapping a mantle about her shoulders. "I am ready."

Eros watched the transport rings deposit a lone woman into his reception area. He'd encountered few Tok'ra in his life, but they seemed to have a hauteur attitude even the Goa'uld did not possess. A type of innate superiority, from their assumption they were somehow better than the Goa'uld. Perhaps they had evolved beyond the petty feuding that plagued the Goa'uld as a whole, but basically, they were still the same race. Maybe individually they had no agenda, but as a group they certainly did.

"Welcome," Eros smiled warmly. "It isn't often I have a visit from our friends among the Tok'ra."

Anise dipped her head, in acknowledgment. "I would imagine."

Eros smile slipped slightly, but he was used to paying homage to those who saw him as little more than a merchant. "I take it you're interested in the Elixir?"

"Actually, my interests lie in a different direction."

"Oh?"

"I believe you have a device either taken or traded from the Tok'ra?"

"I'm not sure what you mean," Eros said, settling back on his divan.

"Perhaps it belongs to your former companion, Psyche."

Eros tensed at the mention of her name. "What do you know of her?"

"Only that she is no longer with you."

"You spoke of a device," Eros said, trying to switch the focus of their conversation away from Psyche. If she was his weakness before, he was even more vulnerable now.

"A memory recall device," Anise clarified. "One that has been altered to create memories, rather than stimulate their recollection?"

"You wish it back?"

"Actually, I'm more interested in the alterations Psyche has made to the device. I've had some thoughts of my own on different applications for the mechanism. Perhaps if I were to help you in liberating your companion, we could strike some kind of deal?"

Eros chuckled. "I do not see how your solitary assistance could make a difference. Besides, I do not understand the technology. Only Psyche knows how it works."

"An even greater incentive for me to help you."

"Again, I don't see how you can help. . . " Just then Jack, Teal'c, Daniel and Gregg burst through the outer doors. Teal'c had Eros' First Prime at the end of his staff weapon, while Jack held a zat to a second Jaffa's head.

"Maybe what you need is a little extra help," Jack said, pushing the unarmed Jaffa further into the room. The man he'd been guarding stumbled, grabbing a long metal rod that was part of the decor, turning to wield it in defense of his god.

"Ah!" Jack warned. "Try it and Eros dies." The Jaffa wavered for a moment, looking to Eros for direction. It took a moment, but eventually he issued an order for his guard to stand down. Both men rushed to Eros' throne, falling to their knees.

"Forgive us, Lord. We we're taken by surprise." Eros was furious at their ineptitude, but had little choice but to forgive them. He had precious few Jaffa as it was; he couldn't afford to kill them out of anger.

"You shall be dealt with," was all he said, turning his attention once more to the uninvited Tau'ri. "You are the Tau'ri that helped the woman escape," he stated. "You are the reason I no longer have my beloved!" He made a move to wrestle the zat from Jack, but even with his superior strength, he was no match for a combat trained soldier. It was only a matter of minutes before Jack had him pinned to the floor, both men breathing hard.

"Don't give me a reason to use this," he hissed in Eros' ear, as he waved the zat before his face. "Because believe me, right now I don't give a flying fu. . ."

"Jack!" Daniel exclaimed.

O'Neill climbed off Eros, pulling down his jacket as he stood. "Yeah, Daniel. You're right."

Eros slowly rose, wiping a trickle of blood from his mouth. He never would have believed the Tau'ri could move so fast for his advanced age. Glancing at his Jaffa, he saw the look of confusion and disbelief on their faces. This was going to take more than extra measures of Elixir to maintain their silence. He was supposed to be a God. And Gods weren't easily subdued by mere Tau'ri. Nor did they bleed.

"Okay, here's the deal," Jack said, distracting Eros from his latest set of worries. "You want Psyche back and I want Carter back the way she was. No false memories and no side effects from that love potion of yours."

Eros smiled. So, he had something the Tau'ri needed after all. He hadn't thought of the additional benefits of the woman's possible addiction to the Elixir when he'd administered it at Psyche's suggestion. He'd planned to dispose of her long before the potion had a chance to wear off.

Looking again at the man who'd embarrassed him before his guards, Eros realized this was the Tau'ri of the woman's memories. He was upset the woman now had feelings for him? Even he found her attractive, surely one of her own kind would have found her even more desirable. Why would he want her back to the way she was?

"I cannot remove the memories. Only Psyche knows the technology of the device. And, as you already know, she is gone." Eros tried to keep his voice hard, but just the mention of her name sent a spear of pain through him.

"That's why we're here," Daniel spoke up. "We want to make an arrangement with you."

"What do you have that I could possibly want?" Eros sneered.

"The ability to rescue Psyche, for one thing."

Eros' sneer turned into full-blown laughter. "Four Tau'ri, and a Tok'ra are going to rescue Psyche from Apophis' forces? You are delusional!"

"And you, and your Jaffa," Jack added.

"This grows more ludicrous by the moment! What makes you think I would lend my strength to your pitiful cause?"

Eros thought on the strange phrase. "So you are saying because we face a common foe we should join together?"

"That's it," Jack said.

"And how do you know I won't betray you to Apophis in trade for Psyche?"

"I guess we don't," Daniel said, looking back at the rest of his team. "We'll have to trust you, just as you have to trust us."

"Trust you? I have nothing to lose if I turn you over to Apophis."

"Ohhhhh, I think you do," Jack said. "Before we introduced ourselves, we took the liberty of planting a little bomb on board. Even if you find it, we're the only ones who can stop the detonation. A little insurance against our continued good health."

"And if you die at Apophis hands? I will still lose my ship!"

"Then I suggest you don't let that happen."

Eros' teeth clenched in frustration. He hated being manipulated. And by Tau'ri no less! But did he have a choice? What if they really could help him rescue Psyche? Wouldn't it be worth the humiliation? And just because he agreed to work with them it didn't mean he had to give them anything once they'd returned to his ship.

"Very well," Eros sighed in defeat. "What is it you require from me?"

Jack's self-satisfied grin lit up the room. Looking at Teal'c he said, "well, for starters, how about some Jaffa armor, size extra-large?"

~63~

Sam couldn't sit still. She knew Jack had a point about her joining the team, but the waiting was killing her. She never realized how hard it was for the guys left behind. How on Earth did General Hammond do it? Maybe it was a learned behavior, but she hoped she didn't have the chance to find out.

Pacing the bridge, she checked the controls again, making sure she was ready when Jack's signal for transport came in. Taking a seat on a bench, she wished she could find something to do. Something to distract her from watching how slow time seemed to be moving. The thought reminded her of Jack, and a time when he'd said practically the same thing to her.

_*"Sam, you need something to distract you. Why don't we go for a picnic? I know the perfect spot in the mountains. There's a stream, and nice little stand of birch if we need some shade. Whaddya say?"*_

It was soon after their return from Maui, and she'd still been uncomfortable with the relationship Jack claimed they had. However, the more time she'd spent with Jack, the more she'd begun to relax, and let herself hope-just a little-it might be true. Although her rational mind had continued to question the validity of what she'd been experiencing, there was a corner of her that longed for his words to be the truth.

The drive into the mountains had been pleasant, and Sam noted how it was almost possible to see a change come over Jack as they'd left the city behind. _*He belongs out here,*_ she'd thought. Even though he seemed content with his life in Colorado Springs, he thrived outdoors. She wondered what he was like at his cabin, and remembered feeling a stab of regret she'd never taken him up on his many offers. Perhaps she had while they were dating. She couldn't imagine she wouldn't have accepted after they were officially seeing each other. Unfortunately it was just one more thing she couldn't remember about the past two years.

For the most part, they'd rode in silence, just enjoying being together. Once they'd reached the picnic spot, Sam could see why Jack had suggested they come. It looked like a postcard-pristine nature seemingly waiting for a photographer.

Jack had smiled at her reaction, taking her hand, and leading her to the clearing by the stream. Somehow it felt familiar, like he'd brought her there before. When she'd questioned him about the possibility, his face brightened, as if she'd given him something special.

"We come here all the time," he'd told her. "It's not surprising you remember it."

"Well, I don't know if remember is exactly right, it just feels like I've been here before. Like this is a special place."

Jack had seemed a little flustered as he'd spread a blanket on the ground. "We made love for the first time right about here," he informed her as the cover had settled to the ground.

Sam remembered how her cheeks had burned at his words, unsure how to respond to his revelation. They'd never really discussed the details of their personal life, and she'd found it a bit embarrassing. She wasn't sure why, when she could certainly imagine making love to him there, amongst the carpet of falling leaves.

After a few more awkward moments, they'd managed to relax and enjoy the day. The sun was warm without being hot and their laughter had lent a feeling of intimacy to their conversation. Sam had been leaning back on her hands, legs outstretched. She was talking about some scientific theory Jack had asked her to explain, when he'd laid down on his side, plopping his head into her lap. At first Sam was startled by his sudden movement, but the weight of his head felt comforting, and the tension had eased from her.

It wasn't long before she'd looked down, noticing her fingers had automatically wound themselves in his hair. When she realized what she was doing, she snatched her hand back, self-conscious at her familiarity.

Jack had rolled over onto his back and looked up into her flushed face.

"That felt good," he'd said quietly, and slowly she'd lowered her hand to his head once more, threading her fingers through his short, graying hair. He'd closed his eyes, releasing a sigh as he asked her to explain about the decay rate of naquada again. She'd smiled at his request, knowing he wasn't processing a word she'd said.

"Carter! Carter do you read?"

Sam shook her head, trying to clear away the memory she'd been engrossed in, as she scrambled to her feet, reaching for the comm button.

"Here, sir!"

"We're transporting to Apophis' ship so be ready to get us out of there, understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"That means no daydreaming," he teased, but there was a hint of a reprimand in his voice as well. How had he known? Even in his absence she felt embarrassed.

"No, sir. I'm ready."

"I know we can count on you, Carter."

"Good luck, sir."

"Roger that." The transmission ended, and Sam felt the tension in her stomach increase. It was dangerous enough going aboard Eros' ship, but Apophis' ship was another story. She just hoped Jack knew what he was doing.

~64~

The waiting was driving her insane. Surely her slipping into improper delusions wasn't worth the risk they were taking. As time dragged on, the possibility they wouldn't be returning increased. Why hadn't she heard something? Couldn't Jack at least signal her a word or two to let her know they were still alive? It was just like a man not to call! Sam smiled to herself at the notion. Rescuing one Goa'uld from another was hardly the same as stopping off after work and having a beer with the guys!

Sam stood at the console, where she'd been for over an hour, fingers a hair's breadth away from the controls that would activate the rings. Suddenly, she heard Jack's impassioned voice over the ship's speakers.

"Carter! Get us out of here!" Almost before he'd finished his sentence, Sam's fingers executed the necessary movements, and she signaled Eros' ship to follow them once her team was on board. The moment she had confirmation of their patterns within the rings, she input the co-ordinates of the rendezvous point, setting the ship for top speed. Running to the cargo bay, she waited breathlessly for the rings to deposit her team and their captives. Quickly counting heads, she noticed there was only one extra person standing in the cargo hold.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" Jack yelled at Anise. "In case you don't remember, Eros is kind of a vital link in this whole thing!"

Anise stood calm in the face of Jack's anger. "I could not prevent his being injured."

"No, but you sure as hell didn't need to zat him two more times!"

"Apophis would have used a sarcophagus to revive him, and no doubt tortured him for his secrets. I was merely providing an act of mercy."

"What happened?" Sam asked, confused by the argument taking place in front of her.

"Oh, nothing much other than Anise here took it upon herself to destroy the only chance we had of finding a cure! _*We*_ could have revived him in the sarcophagus too ya know," he said, his irate gaze leveled at Anise again.

"Colonel O'Neill, need I remind you we barely escaped Apophis' ship with Psyche. I doubt we would have had time to use the sarcophagus before we would have been captured."

"That's beside the point. No Eros, no cure. End of story."

"Before he died, I managed to get him to tell me where his files are stored. I believe I may be able to synthesize a cure myself, if given access to his facilities," Anise informed him.

"And what if you can't? Then what do we do?"

"Colonel," Harrision said, stepping closer to Anise, "I'm sure she didn't allow Eros to be shot on purpose."

"Stay out of this, Harrison," Jack warned, removing his gun and his pack, tossing the latter to the floor.

"Colonel O'Neill," Freya's softer voice addressed him. "I can assure you, Anise did everything she could to prevent Eros from being harmed. I believe there is a good chance she can manufacture an antidote as she claims."

Sam's attention was drawn away from their debate as the woman lying on the floor elicited a moan. She looked familiar. This was the woman who first came to see her when she'd been captured. Until now, she hadn't remembered the actual events of being taken prisoner. She remembered the fire fight on P2X-993, being hit with a zat blast, lying there paralyzed and in pain, feeling panic set in as she watched the 'gate activate and her team mates run through, leaving her at the mercy of the Jaffa.

They weren't leaving her, she'd told herself. They would be back. They'd just gone through to get more troops. All she had to do was wait a few minutes more and they'd be back. But they didn't come, and the Jaffa did.

_*Noooo!*_ her mind had screamed in denial. _*Jack hadn't left her! He couldn't leave her! No one gets left behind!*_ She didn't know what froze her movements more, the electrical charge of the zat or the fact Jack had left her on the planet with a pack of advancing Jaffa.

In her numbed state she couldn't even struggle against the warriors who'd grabbed her, hauling her upright as transport rings descended around them. The next thing she remembered was being in an audience chamber, on her knees before a handsome young man, claiming to be the god Eros, and at his side was this woman. Psyche, obviously.

He'd done the usual posturing and threatening Goa'ulds did, and Sam had not been surprised when he demanded information about Earth and its defenses. What she hadn't expected was to be dragged off and hooked up to a memory control device. Now she was truly terrified. She'd been trained to withstand torture, but there was nothing she could do about this kind of invasion of her mind. Or had there been? If they could have extracted the information they wanted, why go to the trouble of creating a false life? One she would have felt loved and secure? Did she have to willingly tell what she knew?

Sam was pulled from her musings as Psyche moaned again, starting to regain consciousness.

"She should be restrained," Anise said, in control of the body once more.

"Why was she unconscious?" Sam asked.

"It was necessary to use a zat'nik'tel in order to keep her from alerting the guards of our arrival," Anise told her.

"She didn't want to be rescued?"

"She is under the influence of the Elixir, and believes herself to be in love with Apophis. As such, she would have tried to thwart our efforts to remove her from his presence."

Harrison reached into his pack for a plastic band, securing Psyche's wrists.

"Is that really necessary?" Sam asked, surprisingly sympathetic to the woman's plight.

Gregg chuckled. "She fights like a wildcat, and once she starts screaming for Apophis. . . ."

"I get the point," Sam said. She knew how she would have been if she'd been taken from Jack at the height of her addiction to the Elixir. Looking at Jack now, she didn't know what to feel. They'd never really talked about her capture, and now she knew why. He'd left her. She couldn't believe he was actually capable of doing it.

"Hey, nice job on getting us out of there, Carter," Jack smiled at her.

Sam's voice was cold and she couldn't quite make her eyes meet his. "Thank you , sir. If you'll excuse me, I should get back to the bridge." Rising from the floor she stalked past Jack, without sparing him a glance.

~65~

Jack watched Sam stride out of the cargo bay. "What was that?" he asked, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the retracting doors.

Daniel looked at him, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know that I could say. She's obviously upset about something. Maybe because Eros is dead?"

Glancing around the room Jack noticed everyone but he and Daniel suddenly seemed to have some task to perform-Harrison and Anise were trying to settle Psyche down, and Teal'c had headed for the control center after Carter.

"She can't still be pissed because I left her on the ship?" Jack speculated.

Daniel raised his eyebrows, "Well, I suppose it's possible, but that's kind of petty for Sam."

"Yeah, I know," Jack said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "So, it's not just me thinking this is odd?"

"No, I think something's up," Daniel confirmed. "You might want to ask her."

Jack winced. He didn't know what was bugging her, but he could tell it was directed at him. He wasn't looking forward to trying to work it out of her.

"Yeah, guess I better get this cleared up," he mumbled, hoping Daniel would offer to talk to her for him. Apparently, Daniel was either not catching his drift or was purposely staying out of it.

Jack stepped onto the bridge, noting Sam was questioning Teal'c on the details of their time on Apophis' ship.

"Hey," Jack said, trying to sound casual as he approached the pair. "Any sign Apophis is following us?"

"The only ship I can detect has Eros' signature," Teal'c informed him as Sam looked down, apparently totally engrossed in the control panel.

"Carter? Can I have a word with you?"

Sam glanced over at Teal'c, a silent plea for an excuse not to talk to him. Either the Jaffa didn't recognize her request, or he thought Sam should talk to him as well.

Quietly she answered. "Yes, sir."

"Let's go over there," he said, jerking his head towards the far side of the bridge. Settling on the bench, Jack found his fingers twisting with each other as he tried to think of an opening. "You feelin' okay?"

"Yes, sir. Why do you ask?"

Damn, she was going to make him pull every answer out of her. "Well, you're not exactly acting like you're overjoyed to see us. You mad at me because I didn't take you on the mission?"

"No, sir."

"It's Jack, Sam. You've been calling me Jack practically the whole time we've been out here. You don't have to be so formal."

"Yes, sir, I do."

"And why is that?" he asked, leaning further forward trying to see her face.

"Because if I was to speak to you off the record, I don't know that I'd like to hear what you have to say."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he practically yelled at her.

Apparently Sam's resolve broke and she turned to face him. "You left me! You left me on that planet teaming with Jaffa while you returned through the Stargate!"

Jack blanched, his gut aching as if he'd just been kicked. _*Where had this suddenly come from?*_ he wondered. He'd never brought the subject up to her since she didn't seem to remember it. He knew it had been cowardly, but this was the reaction he'd feared. His voice cracked as he tried to explain.

"It's not what you think, Sam."

"Oh? And how many ways are there to take you leaving?" she fired back at him. "You left me, Jack. Whatever happened to no one gets left behind?"

How could he expect her to understand his actions when he didn't comprehend them himself? She was right. He had left her. All because he was too damn worried someone might see how much he cared about her. How much he loved her. He was so concerned that he'd be seen as less than professional, he'd sacrificed the one thing in his life that gave meaning to life. How could he ask for her forgiveness for such a reprehensible act?

"I couldn't get to you, Sam. God knows I tried, but there were just too many of them. I had to get help; it was the only chance we had." Jack swallowed the lump in his throat, fighting the fact he felt his eyes growing moist. "I should have stayed with you, even if it meant getting captured too. I never should have left you." He turned away, trying to cover he was wiping at his eyes.

Sam had grown quiet, and he chanced a glance back at her, hoping to gauge her reaction to his confession. He was surprised to find tears in her eyes as well. She swept them away with her fingers, still silent.

"Sam?" he asked, hoping to dispel the pain that had settled around his heart. He wanted this tension over with. If his actions had destroyed everything they ever had, or ever could have, he had to know.

She looked up at him, meeting his gaze. "I didn't remember any of this before I saw Psyche," she began. "I guess it was seeing her that brought back my real memories. The point is, you should have told me, Jack. You could have explained what happened. How do I know there isn't more you're not telling me, just because I haven't remembered it?"

"There isn't, I swear!"

"How can I believe you?" Lowering her voice she said, "the night we spent together, you told me you loved me. How can I believe that now? We're they just words, Jack?"

"God, Sam! How can you say that? You know I love you!"

"Do I? If you really loved me, you wouldn't have kept something like this from me."

Jack looked down at his feet. He was losing her. He could feel her slipping away as surely as if Eros' Jaffa were in the room stealing her from him once more. Was there anything he could he say to convince her?

"Sam, I was wrong," he spoke honestly, still staring at his feet "I did leave you, but not for the right reasons. For all the wrong ones." Forcing himself to look up, he gazed into her eyes once more. "I was scared. Sacred any action on my part that could have been construed as heroic would have had everyone pointing fingers at me, claiming the only reason I risked my life is because it was you. Because of my unprofessional feelings for you.

"You think I don't hear the gossip? The rumor mill's been cranking out stories of our 'involvement' long before our confession with that za'tarc thing. And I was scared," he admitted again. "Not so much for me, but for you. It shouldn't be a double standard, but you know it is. If the regs are broken, or perceived to be broken, it's always the woman's fault. I couldn't let that happen to you. I was determined to run any missions we had by the book so there could be no claim there was favoritism on SG-1 and they couldn't remove you as my second.

"So, against my better judgment, I followed procedure, and returned for help, but by the time we got back, you were gone. Here I was trying to follow the rules so I wouldn't lose you, only to lose you to something far worse."

Sam was the one to break eye contact with him. "Wow. That's some speech," she said, taking her turn at staring at the floor. "I know you did what you thought was right, and I can't fault you for that. Maybe I'm looking at this from kind of a warped, perspective, as well."

"What do you mean?"

"You know how getting shot with a zat feels. You panic when you're paralyzed. So there I was, unable to move and this group of Jaffa are headed in my direction. I can't move my head, but I hear the 'gate engage and out of the corner of my eye, I see you all heading for the wormhole. I was terrified, lying there waiting for them to either finish the job or take me captive. Then once I was on Eros' ship, he's telling me how I owed the Tau'ri no loyalty when they'd abandoned me. I kept trying to convince myself there was a logical reason you'd left, but the more he taunted me, the more I started to think there might have been a grain of truth in his accusations. I was scared, and he knew how to prey on that fear. When I saw Psyche, all those emotions came back."

"I can't imagine what I put you through," Jack whispered. "I know there's no way I can ever make it up to you, but I'll try, Sam. I promise, I'll try."

"Jack," she said, placing her hand on his arm, causing him to turn to her, "I understand the reasons behind your actions, now. I guess I'm more upset you felt you couldn't tell me about it." Jack was about to defend his omission, when Sam placed her fingers on his lips. "But I know why you did it. I don't know that I'd be racing to tell you something like this, either."

"So. . . ."

"So, I'm saying maybe I over reacted a bit. It's just that all those feelings hit me at once, and as you're aware, I'm not doing too well in the dealing-with-emotions department lately." Her small smile produced a grin of his own, as he felt a bubble of hope rising in his chest.

"So, we're okay then?" he asked, optimism tingeing his voice.

"We're okay. Or we will be."

Jack grabbed her, holding her close, not giving a damn who saw him hugging her. "Thank you, Sam," he breathed into her hair, eyes closed. "I don't deserve how forgiving you are."

Sam squeezed him back. "No you don't, but that's beside the point."

Jack pulled away from her, relieved to see the humor shinning in her eyes. "I wish there weren't so many people on this ship. I'd show you how grateful I am."

"And I just might let you try to make it up to me," she grinned.

Jack felt an incredible weight lift from his chest. She was right. He didn't deserve her generosity. Somehow, someday he _*would*_ find a way to repay the gift she'd given him.

~66~

Sam stood with Anise in Eros' lab, distracted by the muffled sounds of Psyche's ranting coming through the door connecting the lab to the Goa'uld's personal chambers.

"There's something missing," Anise said, inputting the password she'd gotten from Eros into the computer. "I keep getting an error message about not enough information."

"Perhaps he lied when he gave you the password," Sam said, coming to stand next to her.

"I do not think so. It is not claiming the password is invalid, only that more information is required. They both looked up as some large object shattered against the door in Psyche's room, followed by a stream of Goa'uld curses.

"What did she say?" Sam asked.

Anise actually looked a bit shocked. "Suffice it to say Psyche does not have the best opinion of us or our goals."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I got that." Shaking her head slightly, Sam refocused. "Tok'ra technology is similar to this isn't it?"

"Yes, there are several similarities between the data base's configuration and our information storage units, but I have never seen this type of interface before."

Sam tried to remember what actions the Tok'ra took to access their data base. "Don't you need a palm print or something to activate your computers?"

"It's a DNA verification," Anise confirmed.

"Wouldn't Eros have a similar safe-guard?"

Anise's fingers moved quickly over the console, then nodded. "Yes, that is what it seems to be requesting. But Eros' body was destroyed when I shot him the third time with the zat'nik'tel."

Sam thought she actually looked remorseful for her actions, even though at the time Anise claimed to have disintegrated his body to keep Apophis from getting his hands on him.

"We wouldn't need much," Sam said. "A few hairs would do." The women exchanged glances then looked at the door to Psyche and Eros' chamber that had grown suspiciously quiet. "I'll do it," Sam said, squaring her shoulders, readying herself for a possible hand-to-hand confrontation.

"No, Major Carter," Anise said, stepping in front of her. "A Goa'uld's strength is many times that of a normal human. No offense to your abilities, but I believe I would be the more logical choice."

Sam was about to argue, but she knew Anise was right. Psyche was in a rage, and still under the influence of the Elixir, making her even more dangerous. "Fine," she said, "Try not to kill her, okay?"

"I shall restrain myself."

Sam gave her a wry smile as she turned to concentrate on the alien console before her. They had a lot of work ahead of them. The sooner she figured out how to access the files they needed, the sooner this would all be over. And she wouldn't remember her life with Jack. She could get back to being his 2IC and his friend. So why did the prospect suddenly make her feel like the bottom had just dropped out of her world?

~67~

Jack paced the corridor outside of Eros' lab. Anise had guaranteed him the remainder of Eros' Jaffa would not cause trouble, but he'd been on the receiving end of her promises before. He wasn't sure how she'd managed to keep the Jaffa in line, and he didn't ask. So long as they stayed away, he was satisfied.

That's not to say he wasn't alert. He was wound tight as he guarded the hallway along with Daniel and Teal'c. "What the hell is taking them so long?" he groused to no one in particular.

"It hasn't been all that long," Daniel said, slightly more relaxed than Jack, but still ready for trouble should it arrive with the clank of heavily booted feet.

"Well, it feels like ages," Jack grumbled, leaning against the wall and sliding to the floor.

"Even if they get into Eros' encrypted files, all we have is Anise's word she can replicate an antidote," Daniel said, sliding down next to him

"Yeah, that fills me with confidence," Jack said, maintaining his grip on his gun. So far the Jaffa had kept to themselves, but that didn't mean they would. Again, he was at the mercy of Anise's assurances about their co-operation. And trust wasn't a word he'd use in the same sentence with her name.

"So. . . ." Daniel said, glancing at Jack then looking away.

"So, what?"

"So, what do you think their chances are of finding a cure?" Daniel asked.

Jack shrugged. "About as good as anything Anise claims she can do."

"She has been right on occasion," Daniel defended.

"I guess," Jack said, running a hand over his face, wondering where Daniel's conversation was leading.

"Do you want her to be cured?" Daniel blurted.

"Psyche?"

"No, Sam."

"Oh." He'd known what Daniel meant, but it was a touchy subject.

"Well?"

"Of course I do, Daniel! Why the hell do you think we're out here? We're trying to get Carter, _*our*_ Carter back."

"And what about _*your*_ Carter?" Daniel pressed.

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, Jack! Don't tell me the idea hasn't crossed your mind. Especially when she thought she was your wife."

Jack turned his head, pretending to look down the corridor. "I guess it crossed my mind. But that's all," he said turning back to look at Daniel. He felt a twinge of guilt at his omission of their night together. The one perfect night where he'd finally been able to show her how he really felt. What if Psyche did remove the false memories? Would the real ones go as well?

"The regulations," Daniel said, nodding in understanding. "What if they weren't there?"

"They are, so there's no use in going there," Jack said angrily, standing and effectively ending their conversation by striding away.

"You know the universe won't end if you admit you love her," Daniel called after him.

_*No,*_ Jack thought. _*Just my corner of it.*_

~68~

Sam watched as Anise input the final information. She hadn't realized she was holding her breath until she breathed a sigh of relief at Anise's announcement that she was in.

Things were actually moving along quite well considering Anise had practically been stabbed with a shard of the pottery Psyche had smashed against the door. She had continued to wail for Apophis, threatening when pleas had failed. Anise hadn't gone into details, but had returned with several strands of Eros' hair, enough to get a clear reading of his DNA.

Sam had to admit to feeling a bit out of her league as she watched Anise sort through Eros' files. Of course it didn't help matters that she couldn't read Goa'uld. Maybe Daniel should have been the one helping her.

"There is a problem," Anise said, looking up from the console.

"What kind of problem?" Sam asked, moving closer hoping she could make sense out of what was on the screen.

"Apparently there is no single Elixir. There are formulas for loyalty, passion, devotion, among other aspects of love, as well as the negative side, hatred, deceit, distrust."

Sam was nodding her head. "So there's no single cure. Eros must have custom made his potions based on the requirements of his customers."

"That is the way it appears."

"So how do we know what mixture Psyche was given, or what they gave to me? Is there any record of that? How can we come up with an antidote when we don't even know what to base it on?" Sam's voice continued to rise in frustration. They couldn't have gotten this far only to be stopped by this latest glitch!

"Major Carter," Anise spoke calmly. "Allowing yourself to become agitated will not produce positive results. Perhaps there is some way to synthesize a broad-spectrum antidote. One that would take into account several variables."

Sam took a deep breath. She hated to admit Anise was right; getting upset wasn't helping matters. What was worse, she was beginning to have doubts about whether she wanted to have her false life with Jack removed from her memories. True, it was interfering with her functioning as a soldier, but when it was her only connection to Jack, why was she trying so hard to rid herself of it?

"Major Carter?" Anise asked, apparently for the second or third time. "Are you feeling well?"

Sam cleared her throat. "Um, yes. Fine. You were saying?"

"I was thinking perhaps we should try our sample antidote on Psyche, then make one for you taking into account your altered physiology."

Sam's head still seemed immersed in her previous thoughts. "Whatever you think best. You know, I was thinking there's really no need to try to remove the memories Psyche gave me. I mean if you cure me of the Elixir, there's no reason to remove the images she gave me is there?"

Anise's head was cocked as she observed Sam. "How long have you felt this way?"

Sam felt nervous at her scrutiny. "Well, I've never really seen the memories as posing any kind of threat."

"I disagree. From what I understood, your memories are impairing your ability to interact with Colonel O'Neill in a professional manner. I do not see that this has changed."

"It's the Elixir that's making my behavior irrational. Once that's out of my system, I'm sure I'll be fine. Back to normal."

"You have never expressed this desire prior to today. I believe this is some sort of pre-programmed defense mechanism Psyche used to prevent tampering with the false memories she gave you."

"That's ridiculous! Just because I don't want to give up my life with Jack you think this is some sort of pre-planned plot by Psyche? Why go to the trouble when they were going to kill me as soon as they had what they wanted from me?"

"I believe Psyche manipulated you just to see if she could. I hesitate to use the term 'experiment,' but I believe that is how she saw you."

Could Anise be right? Is that why she suddenly felt so panicked at the thought of losing her memories of their life together? It almost felt as if she was on the verge of losing him completely. Just then the outside door slid open and Jack poked his head in.

"How's it going, kids?"

It took all of Sam's willpower not to run to him, take him in her arms and beg him not to let Anise cure Psyche so she could remove her memories of their life. She knew these feelings were wrong, but something was intensifying her need to hang on to her false recollections. The closer they got to an answer, the more she clung to the idea she would lose everything, even her friendship with him.

Sam swallowed and forced a smile. "Great, sir. Anise is closing in on some possible combinations for a cure."

Jack's eyebrows raised. "Really?"

"Major Carter is being optimistic, but given time, I believe I will be successful."

"Carter? You okay?" he asked, giving her a quizzical look.

"Fine, sir. Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's just that you look a little unsure about this whole thing. Is there some kind of problem?" Jack looked from Sam to Anise.

"I feel Major Carter is suffering from an increased need to retain her false memories. It could be a type of fail-safe instituted by Psyche." As if on cue, another crash came from Psyche's chambers followed by her insistent cry that Apophis would slay them all for taking her from him.

"She been like this since she woke up?" Jack asked.

"Yes. As time goes on she seems to be getting even more violent."

"And this is what Carter has to look forward to?"

"Not to the same degree, but I presume she could have similar reactions."

"Then I should let you get back to work." He'd turned to leave when Sam found herself moving toward him, unable to stop her actions.

"Jack," she said, reaching out to touch his arm. "Don't let them take the memories our life from me. It's all I have!"

Gently, he removed her hand, then quietly, so as not to be overheard he said, "we have real memories, Sam. You don't need the fake ones."

Sam pulled back, nodding slightly. He was right. No matter what happened, they couldn't take that one magical night from her, or him.

~69~

Sam sat staring at Psyche as the Goa'uld glared back at her. She remembered her first impressions of this woman, standing beside her god, her lover, with a cold expression on her face. She was so classically Goa'uld, she was almost clich Although, neither she nor Eros seemed as menacing as Apophis or any of the other System Lords. Perhaps that's what separated the Lords from the wannabes, she thought. Eros and Psyche were young and as such, struck her as over-compensating for their lack of experience.

That wasn't to say she hadn't viewed them as a threat. As their prisoner, she had certainly been at a disadvantage, but she couldn't say she'd been any more intimidated by them than any other foe. Now that the tables were turned, Psyche seemed almost vulnerable, and Sam felt a grain of sympathy for her.

Her normally impeccable appearance was now disheveled. Sleek, dark hair tangled, clothes torn, she looked as though she'd been through a battle. Perhaps she had.

"May I have some water, please?" Psyche's voice was hoarse, no doubt from continual shouting.

Sam rose off the chair she'd pulled in front of Psyche, and crossed to the one remaining pitcher that hadn't been smashed. Pouring a small amount of water into a glass, she held it for Psyche as she took a long drink.

"Thank you." Sam retook her seat, continuing to stare at the woman across from her. "You can untie me. The danger is past."

"I think just for fun we'll wait a few minutes," Sam said, settling back in her chair.

"I insist you release me! My hands are growing numb."

"Wiggle your fingers. They'll be fine."

"Why do you persist in restraining me? I have done nothing to harm you!"

Sam's laugh came out as a snort. "I suppose messing with my head, giving me false memories to try to trick me into revealing Earth's secrets counts as nothing with you."

"I do not understand why you are so resentful. I gave you your heart's desire. Something you thought you'd never could have. How has this been harmful?"

"Oh, don't go playing the benevolent goddess with me!" Sam shouted. "You _*used*_ me! You tried everything to make me trust Jack, but it failed. You pushed too hard. Jack never would have questioned me for information like that."

Psyche gave her an arch smile. "Apparently I succeeded on some level. You did fall in love with him. Or should I say fell deeper?"

Sam looked away, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of seeing the truth in her eyes.

"What I implanted seems to be affecting you still. You think I can't see the effect my programming has had on you? I know your soul, Samantha, probably better than you do yourself."

"Look, you can try that Goa'uld 'I'm a god' crap on someone else. I know the _*myth*_ of Psyche and Eros. Just because you and Eros have emulated their personalities in the hopes of garnering a following, doesn't mean I believe it."

"My, my, I would say experiencing a life with Jack has rubbed off on you. Tell me, Samantha, you say you want the memories of that life removed. Is it you who want the memories gone or is it Jack? It is he who keeps telling you they are a hindrance, is it not? He does not love you, Samantha. I am the one who has given you his love. Release me and I shall ensure you have his love for all time."

Sam wavered. She knew Psyche was baiting her, preying on her Elixir-induced paranoia of losing Jack. But that didn't mean she could totally ignore her words. She was right when she said it was Jack pushing for her to be de-programmed. But it was so she could become a functioning member of SG-1 once more. She had to keep that goal in sight and disregard Psyche's attempts to sway her. Sam was about to comment when the door slid back, revealing Anise.

"Murderer!" Psyche screamed, straining against her bindings. "You killed Eros! I watched you slay my love!"

Sam looked over at Anise. "Well, it's a step in the right direction," she said calmly. At least she's not yelling for Apophis anymore."

"I had hoped we would see more conclusive results in a shorter period of time," Anise said, her voice sounding disappointed. "Since it appears to be working, perhaps a second dose is necessary to complete the task. I shall return in a moment." Anise left, and Psyche turned her livid gaze towards Sam, but remained silent.

Shortly, Anise returned with a vial of the same potion she administered to Psyche over two hours ago. Holding her head, she forced the liquid down her throat.

"You shall fail! No one has ever been cured of the Elixir!" Psyche cried, choking on the solution.

"Then you better hope you're the first otherwise you'll be pining away for Apophis for the rest of your life. You want that?" Sam pointed out.

Psyche's head fell forward, eyes glazed. "No. I despise him," she uttered vehemently.

Sam and Anise watched her for signs of deception. By now Psyche would know this was what they were waiting for. Proof they'd broken the hold the Elixir had over her. Sam had already witnessed her talent for guile, and wasn't about to be taken in easily.

"Would it work that quickly?" Sam asked.

"I do not believe it would." Anise stepped closer examining Psyche's dilated eyes. "However, her physical changes would indicate she is under the effect of the counter agent.

"You don't understand," Psyche said, shaking her head. "The degradation he subjected me to." Her words were slurred, as if she were drunk. "He made me renounce my love for Eros, before he. . . . Tears began to stream down her face, as her anguished cry filled the room. "Eros, my love! Forgive me! I will always love you!"

Sam felt her eyes welling up in the face of Psyche's obvious pain. "Let her go," she said.

"I do not believe that is wise. . . ."

"I said let her go!" Sam exclaimed, rising to release the bond herself. "She's suffered enough."

"Major Carter. . . ."

"I'll take full responsibility. Look, send Teal'c in here if you still have doubts," she said, helping the sobbing woman to her bed.

"I do not understand your sudden compassion for this woman. She has held you captive, altered your memories, you owe her nothing."

"Maybe not, but I need her to end this."

Anise finally seemed to understand. "I shall record our results and attempt to make a formula based on your physiology."

Sam looked up as Teal'c entered the room, giving him a tired smile.

"I guess Anise still isn't convinced, huh?"

"It is a wise precaution, MajorCarter."

"I guess," she said, pacing as she continued to watch Psyche. Although she was past hysteria now, tears were still streaming down her face. _*I wonder if that's how I'm going to feel after she takes my memories?*_ Sam wondered. At least she'd have Jack in some capacity. Psyche had no one. She couldn't believe she could actually feel sorry for her. This was the woman who'd turned her life upside down-several times.

"You feel empathy for her," Teal'c observed.

"Yeah, I suppose I do," Sam admitted, looking over at him. "How sick is that?"

"You have a great capacity for forgiveness. You see it as a weakness but it is one of your greatest strengths."

Sam's smile was warm and genuine. "Thanks, Teal'c." She looked at the floor, unsure what else to say to his compliment. "Where are the colonel and Daniel?"

"They are taking turns guarding the corridor outside the lab."

"Has there been trouble?" she asked, realizing she'd been so wrapped up with Psyche she hadn't considered the possibility of a revolt.

"No Jaffa have appeared. Whatever Anise promised them in return for the co-operation appears to be working."

Sam stifled a yawn. "It's been a long night. Hopefully this will all be over soon. I'm going to see if Anise needs any help. Keep an eye on her, will you?"

Teal'c inclined his head in response. Sam exited the chamber, taking a deep breath. This was it. The beginning of the end.

~70~

Jack stood in Psyche's lab, hovering near Sam, but trying to appear as though he wasn't. He knew he wasn't succeeding. Anise's cure took less time with Sam, but there was still the matter of removing her false memories. He could tell Sam was nervous. He couldn't blame her. If someone-especially a Goa'uld-was messing around with his head for a second time he wouldn't exactly be hopping up on that table either.

Psyche had composed herself once more, but didn't seem to be too thrilled at the prospect of undoing her work. He was a little curious about that, actually. Somehow Sam had convinced her it was in Psyche's best interest to help her. Jack had a sneaking suspicion Teal'c had something to do with the persuasion as well. The others were clustered in the small lab until Psyche motioned them to leave.

"Samantha, if you would take your place on the table, we will begin. Colonel O'Neill, perhaps it would be best if you wait outside."

"Sorry, no dice. I'm not leaving her in here alone with you again. No offense."

Psyche inclined her head in acknowledgment. "I shall allow you to stay, but the others must go. Especially the Tok'ra. The technology might have been theirs originally, but I will not allow her to access my advancements." Obviously there was something going on between the two of them but Jack didn't have the time or energy to care. He put it down to some kind of professional animosity.

Jack jerked his head towards the door, getting the others to leave.

"If you are ready," Psyche began.

"Wait!" Jack called. "I want to have a word with her first."

Psyche sighed, indicating he should get on with it. Turning to face her, Jack found himself suddenly at a loss for words.

"I suppose I should say something profound," he joked, provoking a nervous smile from Sam.

"Is there anything profound to say?"

"Only that I wish. . ."

"I know. So do I. I don't want to 'lose' you, but I know this is for the best. Sir."

Jack knew the 'sir' was added intentionally, to remind them both why they were doing this. "You know, Sara always said I was hell to live with. You'll probably be grateful in the end."

Sam stared straight into his eyes, and his breath caught at the emotion on display. "She was wrong," Sam whispered.

Jack leaned closer, his voice soft and low. "One last kiss as husband and wife?"

Tears sprang to her eyes as she pulled him closer, their lips meeting with passion, anguish and promise. They broke apart and Jack wiped a tear from her face that had escaped. "Ready?"

Sam closed her eyes and nodded. He helped her lie back onto the table, brushing the hair back from her face. "I'll be right here." Again Sam nodded as if she didn't trust her voice. Turning to Psyche he said, "Let's get on with it."

Jack winced along with Sam as the memory interface bit into her temple. Psyche attached the wires, then moved to her console, initiating her procedure. Jack watched the images on the thought-screen, starting with what was her first memory, the one she'd told him about their honeymoon in Maui. It felt oddly voyeuristic and disappointing at the same time. This _*could*_ have been their life, if only things were different.

The images were coming faster and faster until they were almost a blur, then the screen went blank.

"What happened?" Jack asked.

"It is complete," Psyche informed him.

"What about stuff that actually happened to her? None of that was removed, was it?"

"No, everything she has experienced as herself has remained. May I ask you a question?"

Jack was surprised that as a Goa'uld she didn't just demand an answer. "Depends."

"You obviously feel deeply for Samantha. Why did you wish for her to forget your life together?"

"We have a duty, and that duty doesn't allow us to be together like that."

"That is what Samantha has said. What is the real reason?"

Jack felt flustered at being found out. "The real reason? Because it was fake. One sided. If Sam and I _*are*_ fortunate enough to have a relationship some day, it's going to be something we both remember."

"But you already have something to remember don't you?" Psyche's smile was enigmatic. Did she know? Had she seen what happened between them with that memory recall thingie? He didn't remember seeing any of that, but how did he know what she was capable of viewing while in her head?

Jack coughed. "Can't you disconnect that thing?"

Psyche's knowing smile remained as she moved around the table to disconnect the device, helping Sam sit up.

"Carter? You doing okay?"

Psyche removed the interface, causing Sam to jump. "Yeah, just a little light headed," she said pushing herself off the table. Her knees buckled but Jack caught her. She looked in his eyes, and he noticed something was different. She was back. Not that her gaze was any less warm, but there was a difference about her, and Jack couldn't help feeling a sense of loss. After a moment she was standing on her own, taking a few tentative steps.

"Samantha Carter," Psyche spoke, reminding both of them they weren't the only ones in the room. "I have fulfilled my end of the bargain. You will now tell me the password to Eros' files."

Sam steadied herself with Jack's help. "I would have thought you would have guessed it. What does the Elixir promise?"

Psyche thought for a moment. "Eternal bliss."

It was Sam's turn for an enigmatic smile. "Let's go home, sir."

~Epilogue-three months later~

Sergeant Walter Davis adjusted his headset as he called out, "Incoming wormhole. Receiving SG-1's IDC, sir."

"Open the iris," Hammond ordered, standing straighter, his hands behind his back. _*Right on schedule,*_ he thought. He could count on one hand the number of times SG-1 had returned when they were supposed to. He took it as a good sign, and didn't call for a medical team.

His optimism was short lived as he saw Carter come through the 'gate and quickly turn to watch O'Neill being supported by Jackson and Teal'c. Carter turned, looking up at the control room window.

"We need a medical team!"

Regretting his earlier decision, Hammond called immediately for Fraiser and her staff. _*Even on time SG-1 manages to find trouble,*_ he thought to himself as he hurried to the 'gate room.

"What happened?" he demanded as soon as he stepped through the doorway.

Carter started to speak, but O'Neill cut her off. "It's my knee. Just a little twisted, sir. Everyone is over-reacting. A little time in the hot tub and I'll be good as new."

"I'll be the judge of that," Fraiser said, motioning two corpsmen to relieve Daniel and Teal'c of their burden. "In the first place, Colonel heat is the last thing that knee needs."

"So, what happened?" Hammond asked again.

"Well, sir, there was gun fire, and Colonel O'Neill called for a retreat to the Stargate when he tripped on a rock and. . ."

"Carter! You've got it all wrong!" Jack interrupted. "Sir, the part about the retreat was right, but I did _*not*_ trip on a rock! I was. . ."

"That's right," Daniel jumped in, grinning. "You stepped in a hole, and wrenched your knee."

"Daniel, that's not how it happened!"

"I must disagree, O'Neill. DanielJackson and I were behind you and witnessed the entire event."

Jack gave up. "Jeeze, you guys, couldn't you have at least said I rescued several children from a burning building or something and as we were running away I was forced to wrestle a Jaffa to the ground and _*that's*_ how I hurt my knee?"

"Oh, I must have missed that part," Sam said, trying to suppress a grin. "Must have been while I was concentrating on my soil samples."

Hammond couldn't help but smile at the good-natured ribbing O'Neill was getting from his team mates. He'd had his doubts about SG-1 returning to the cohesive team they'd been before, but from all indications, Carter and O'Neill had been able to put the incident behind them. Oh, there was still the flirting, but he expected that from any mixed-gender team. He'd always been impressed with their professionalism, and he still was.

"Get him out of here Doctor, before the bull gets any deeper."

Fraiser's smile joined that of the rest of the occupants of the 'gate room. "Yes, sir. Come on, Colonel," she said, wheeling him towards the door. "You can tell me all about what really happened on the ride to the infirmary."

Jack leaned back against the pillows of the hospital bed. Damn, but the beds in the infirmary were uncomfortable. Did the designers think as long as you were in pain a lumpy mattress wouldn't matter? These were the kind of Earth shattering thoughts he'd had lately. He'd even asked for his paper work to help break the monotony. He made it half-way through his report, but when he got to the part about his accident, he found there was just no way to word a stupid accident to make him come out looking like a hero.

He began paging through a magazine Daniel had left him, but it was mostly ads. He stopped when he saw a picture of a tropical beach, and the word "Maui" scrawled across the water.

He'd tried to forget about the whole Eros and Psyche mess, but sometimes there was just no escaping the memories. He laughed at the irony of his thoughts. It was Sam's false memories that started it all, but it didn't mean the thought of his supposed life with her didn't pop into his mind every now and again. Like every time he saw her. She was actually handling the situation better than he was, but he could tell she was making a special effort to be professional these days. Maybe someday they'd be able to relax enough to be just themselves again.

"Hey, sir," Sam's cheery voice called from the doorway. "Like some company?" He couldn't help the unreasonably happy mood he suddenly found himself in at her appearance.

"Sure," he said, striving for nonchalance, but failing miserably. "Have a seat. So, what's going on in the real world?"

"You mean the world outside the SGC?"

"I mean outside the infirmary, and you know it, Major."

Sam flashed him a cheeky grin, as she changed topics. "How's the knee, sir?"

Jack tried to lift his leg off the bed but was greeted with a stab of pain. "Peachy," he said through gritted teeth. "Doc Fraiser said it'll be good as new after _*several*_ weeks in this brace and after several _*more*_ weeks of excruciating physical therapy. But other than that. . . ."

"So, looks like you're going to be out of commission for a while," Sam said.

Jack couldn't help but recall this was how they'd gotten together in Sam's fabricated life. He'd been laid up, and the ground work for their future relationship had begun with her visits to him in the infirmary. The continued irony of the situation wasn't lost on him.

"You heading up SG-1, then?"

"There's been no official word, yet. Besides, we're short a person again since Harrison is off with the Tok'ra."

"Yeah, how is our little foreign exchange student doing, anyway?"

"Fine last I heard. He keeps saying Anise wasn't the reason he volunteered to go with them, but you'd have to be blind not to see the attraction between them."

"Well, they say there's someone out there for everyone," Jack said, his gaze meeting Sam's. They stared at each other, then Sam finally looked away. That's the way it always was; Sam keeping them on the straight and narrow. How did she deal with the fact she'd initiated things that night? Especially when she supposedly didn't remember having been under the influence of Goa'uld technology?

"I heard he's even thinking of becoming a host," Sam added.

"Oh, for cryin' out loud! Didn't that business with Eros and Psyche teach that kid anything?"

"I think that's where he got the notion, sir. He seemed rather impressed with their entire culture, not just Anise."

"Well, I guess there's no accounting for some people's taste. Sorry, no offense to your dad. He's a great guy."

Sam just nodded. The look on her face puzzled him. "Sam? What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing," she said, trying to cover the fact she'd drifted off for a moment.

"Come on, you don't make that face over nothing."

"And you know all my expressions, now?" she asked, her tone light.

"Most of them," he said, smiling. "When you're concentrating on something you get this little line right here," he said, touching her forehead between her brows. Sam jumped at the unexpected contact, self-conscious at his familiarity. "So, what's up?"

Sam looked away, took a deep breath then returned her gaze to his. "Talking about Harrision and that mission with Anise got me thinking. I know Psyche removed some memories from me, memories she gave me when she and Eros captured me, but no one will tell me what they were. Not even you."

"Sam, we've been over this. What good would do to have gone to all that trouble to remove the memories to tell you now? You didn't do anything you shouldn't have, they were just distracting you, interfering with your ability to make rational choices."

"And that's all? I didn't, you know, act inappropriately or anything, did I?"

Jack tried to keep his face neutral, but by the look on her face, he knew he hadn't managed it.

"Oh, God," she said, burying her face in her hands. "This has something to do with that night, doesn't it? That night we. . . . I never understood what came over me to act like that. That's it, isn't it? That's why no one will talk about it because I broke the regs. God, this is embarrassing!"

"Would you keep your voice down! No one knows about that night and no one's going to," he assured her. "Look, they made you believe you were in a relationship with me, that's all." It was more than he'd intended to tell her, but he knew if he didn't give her something, something that rang true, she wouldn't stop until she found out the entire truth. Then the mission _*would*_ have been for nothing.

"But why that?"

Jack shrugged. "They're Goa'uld. How do I know?"

Sam seemed satisfied for the moment. He wished he could tell her, tell her everything. As it was, he had to settle for someday when the fantasy became reality. Picking up the magazine off his lap, he noticed the travel ad again and a slow smile spread across his face.

"So, Carter. Ever been to Maui?"

The End


End file.
